So, as you may or may not have witnessed here I recently went through A Thing (apologies, I realize this is a saga) - and while this thing wasn't nearly the worst thing that has happened to me in even the last year it hit me hard. I had what I'm pretty sure was a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship (I say pretty sure not because the indicators don't point there but because it's hard to imagine this relatively well intended individual going that bad that quickly). Things have gotten a bit better. I've moved to an area where I've got more in the way of support, less in the way of past trauma. I'm just having a lot of lingering feelings about things that were said - especially the verbally abusive things that were said about about me and I'm not sure how to rebuild self-esteem after that. It's like the choir of weasels just got a new track that is all about body image and not being lovable etc. How does one rebuild? How does one self-esteem at all? I'm worried about carrying these things with me.
*drapes with fuzzy blankets* I think a lot of helping with that can come with a certain amount of time and being away from the jerkface mcdirtbag But it can also help to be aware of the esteem-killer ideas, and kind of keep track of how some thoughts make you feel, and come up with something to say to the backseat driver thoughts. mostly, I see it as-the people we know and talk to a lot become (to get horrifically poetic on you) ghosts in our brains. the longer we knew them, the louder they are. but with enough time, you can drown out their voices with all the other ghosts of new friends ...if that makes sense
<3 <3 Oh, you sweet. That absolutely makes sense (and is beautiful, to boot). Though honestly I wish it weren't true. I rarely say this but if I had the choice I think I might just have found a life situation candidate for Eternal Sunshineitude. I'd like to think I'm not this much of a wimp when it comes to rejection - but we were sort of stuck in a situation where we developed feelings for each other from afar and then up close apparently I didn't pass muster. Then a lot of unacceptable behavior started. Hard to say whether that behavior would have happened anyway but I'm left burdened with all these inglorious feels and the things he said to me and I don't know that it was worth holding onto like this. If I had my druthers I'd probably just hoover the lot. I'm hoping with time this will pass and that I'll find someone as smart and funny and much more caring, but the chorus of weasels just keeps singing etudes to this dude's singular wit and intelligence. I would just like a rodent-ectomy.
My best advice is, as ever, fake it til you make it. Basically, keep reminding yourself that you ARE good enough, you ARE awesome, you ARE [opposite of negative brain weasel choir thing here]. Alternatively, have a friend or two record some affirmative messages (or screenshot text/fb messages of affirmation sent to you) and keep them on your phone or w/e for playing when you need some foxes or goshawks to hunt the weasels? In recent history that kind of thing has worked wonders for me. It lets you set up an outside track to counter the unwanted one playing in your head. And on the occasions where this doesn't work, you can always reach out to someone and ask them to actively falcon your weasels for you.
