[TW for mental illness, suicidality] So I've been dropping in periodically to let people know I'm alive and stuff, and I finally have some free time so I figure I should give the whole story. About two months ago, I lost my job. Some of this was my fault, and some of it was shitty office politics. At the same time, my GF had been becoming increasingly distant, and when I lost my job, I guess I... snapped or somethig. I texted her and asked if we even still had a relationship, or if she even still cared about me. Short answer: no. Or, not enough to want to continue to date me. So I lost my job and the woman I thought I loved on the same day. Which fucking hurt. But I kept going. I tried to find a new job, I got back in to therapy, I tried to be more social. A friend of mine and I got increasingly close, both because we had a lot of the same psych issues in common and because we were remarkably sexually compatible. So I started spending lots of time with her. And then Friday night I stayed out too late with her, came home at 1:30 instead of 12:00, and my dad flipped his shit. We had a screaming match and said a lot of ugly stuff to each other. He kicked me out of the house and disowned me. If that seems a little extreme for coming home late, well, it is, but we've never seen eye to eye and it had only been getting worse, so if that hadn't set him off something else would have. So. I threw some clothes and toiletries and stuff in my car, grabbed my computer, and left. I spent the night with the aforementioned lady friend. The next day, her parents (who own the apartment she lives in) decided that I could stay there for a week. I took them up on that and started job hunting and apartment hunting immediately. It's been a week and I haven't had any luck. I have no rental history, no job, and only a few thousand dollars worth of savings; not enough to get me an apartment. The job search was similarly unproductive. Now I've been kicked out of her place (I don't blame her or her parents. She's got her own issues to deal with and she needs to prioritize herself.) But this means I currently have no place to stay. I'm at a motel right now. In a few days my 401k will cash in and I'll have maybe 9000 dollars, total. I have nowhere to go, and no prospects, and frankly right now I feel like my best option is to just hit up a gun show, buy a cheap .357, and blow my own fucking head off. I am scared and tired and angry and hopeless, and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Wow, that's rough, and your reactions sound completely natural. I would be pissed as hell. But it also sounds very much like a rough patch, and something you can come back from. Okay, so, inventory of stuff you have: car! cash enough skills that you held down a job previously computer Is your father's house somewhere you'd want to go back to if you could? Do you have any other local friends? Maybe ones with couches? How open are you to relocating? Because apartments are a thing it sounds like you're in a position to get as soon as you have a job - for our current apartment it was just under $1500 due at signing, they just like to know that you have income. And people can take a while to get back to you about jobs, which sucks, but if you've gotten resumes out there something might hit soon. You have options. You have prospects. Probably don't hit the gun show.
What part of texas are you in? My mom'd probably let you crash here for a bit if need be, although its pretty crowded, and i could at the very least help you set up with the local mhmr resources.
If you have a car and don't mind sleeping in it, I'm pretty sure you're legally allowed to park overnight and sleep in big strip mall box store parking lots (Walmart, larger grocery stores, etc). It's what I did when I drove across the country. And even if it's not strictly allowed, it's very unlikely that a Walmart employee is going to be assed to go to the trouble of kicking someone out. Oh, and if you have stuff you want to hang on to but can't fit in your car, storage units can be pretty cheap, and they come in a bunch of different sizes. Also! You may already know this, but big national chain stores will often let you apply online and then save the application and reuse it for other positions, so you can apply to a whole bunch of jobs at once with minimal effort.
Hey, it's been a little while and I just wanted to check in and offer continued support and sympathy. How have you been doing?
