SO, this therapist I've been seeing for 2 weeks. I'm getting really annoyed at her, and wondering how much of that is the natural impatience of "I want my problems to be solved now" and how much is legit. After I found out my insurance only covers 2 sessions a month (and she recommends 3 a week), I ask her how much she charges. It's 350 reais/hour, which at the current exchange rate translates to 110 dollars/hour. Today I tell her that, because my family is unable to help me due to my father having had a nervous breakdown and my grandmother having to pay his bills on top of her own, I won't be able to afford her even if she brings her rates down ridiculously low. Her reply is that she'd hate to turn down a patient she can help, and we can work something out. She also asks me Budgeting 101 questions like "do you have a spreadsheet of how much your bills cost", "is there anything there you could cut back on", which is offensive, but I allow it because, well, she barely knows me and she certainly has clients who never budgeted right in their lives. Then, I tell her I cant's pay more than 75 reais/hour, or 24 dollars/hour - and that, twice a week, throughout a month would add up to one fifth of my earnings, which would already demand a lot of sacrifice. I'm crying as I say that. Her response? Vague smile followed by long ramble about how important the therapist-patient bond is. When she finishes, I say "...and?", and get another vague smile and just "we'll work something out, it'll be OK". BITCH, WE HAVE ALREADY WORKED SOMETHING OUT. YOU OBVIOUSLY DO NOT ACCEPT IT. I DON'T GET HOW NOT STATING THAT HELPS ME AT ALL. She seems to do this a lot. I know she has credentials, but her replies to my gender shit are all "you are starting to figure out the beautiful flower of ur true self :)" and she never asks me questions. Not even the basic ones. Why do I want hormones? Why do I feel like I do? When did these feelings start? How knowledgeable am I about the effects of testosterone? None of that, just the kind of babble that would sound wonderful for a teenager who wasn't very bright. I feel like I'm not being properly listened to. I feel like (and I know this isn't entirely reasonable) but I feel like she's withdrawing vital things from me - diagnosis, reliable information about her rates, even the recognition that I am trans and not just a cis woman trying to "be herself" while I am desperate. I didn't want to go in today and I don't want to go in Thursday. What do I do?
HEY GUESS WHAT: I called her up to talk about it. On the money thing, she said I misunderstood - she thought she was being clear that she accepted the terms I offered, she just wanted to "keep negotiations open so I would feel more comfortable". As for the rest, I told her "I feel you never try to ask me practical questions about gender, who do I want testosterone, how well do I know what it does - you talk about being myself, but I am not a cis woman trying to be herself more, and I feel like I'm not being listened to". Her reply: "I guess we'll talk about this on our Thursday appointment, then".
Damn @wixbloom that is seriously some tough shit :( if its feasable id go shopping for a mew therapist hun and if you do go in to see her again if you can work it up, bringing up and conversating about the issues you mentioned here, it might help put some perspective in her face. It doesnt sound like she takes you very seriously and you seem to feel the same way, that might also be something to bring up
Hmm, those are some serious communication difficulties. It's nice that she's willing to work with you on the pay thing, but if you have completely incompatible communication styles then it's just not going to work. But it might not be hopeless, maybe bring up communication styles with her. If she thinks that the working relationship between the therapist and client is so important then she'll be invested in working on communication difficulties that impede that. Maybe if you frame your concerns around the development of your professional relationship she'll get it quicker. Also, I know with my therapist it took like a month or two before we really started getting stuff done because it did take time for us to develop that relationship. I'm sure it goes more quickly for some people, but it might take a bit to work out the kinks and get to know each other.
Yeah, that seems to be a part of the problem. I said to her on the phone "I hope I'm being unfair in what I'm saying", because I do want this to work. I don't want to try again from scratch. I'm too tired and hopeless for that.
My knee jerk is don't go to Thursday appointment. Mostly because you don't seem to comfortable with them and if money is tight don't waste money on someone you don't want to talk to and doesn't seem to be listening and is pretty pricey.
IDK, I'm inclined to at least talk to her, because I don't think she's unwilling to listen. And because I'd at least like to hear what she has to say about my concerns. It's very possible she really thinks she's being gentle and reassuring when she's actually making me more anxious because what reassures me are bluntly stated truths and a logical, problem-solving approach to issues.
My immediate impression from "three times a week, $110 an hour" was, legitimately, that she's money-grubbing as shit and you should not continue to see her. Unless you're actively suicidal and having breakdowns on a day to day basis, I cannot for the LIFE of me imagine why you would need to see her that frequently. The fact that she refused to address the "will this work, yes/no" and isn't asking /you/ questions is, to me, icing on the cake. This woman doesn't only not sound like a good fit for you; she sounds, to me, like a not very good therapist in general.
