things that are currently making you anxious

@Lambda mentioned in the things that are currently annoying you thread that they wanted a thread in the spirit of things that are currently annoying you specifically about anxiety, so here it is!

(and yes, i'm the norm the genie that linked it in the things that are currently annoying you thread. i just couldn't resist. :P)

 

Oh boy oh boy will I have things to post here.

 

Fuck if I know, which is causing a recursive anxiety loop. Thx brain.

 

Why do strangers try to talk to me, I just wanted to water the lawn in peace. I don't even know what the guy was trying to ask, but at least he drove away when I ignored him.

 

god i cant do this math class, its a college class and covers algebra 2 and i dont even know if i remember algebra ONE and the syllabus is BLANK so i have no idea what the hell im supposed to bring

and its in two hours

 

I read a thread I maybe should not have (and a thread I definitely should not add to) that tangentially referred to some things I was involved in on a different, public thread, and now brain is convinced I have Done A Bad and should never go back to the public thread even though I enjoy being there most days.

 

I have missed two therapy sessions bc I half-way-on-purpose forgot the dates (I thought maybe one was today but I don't have her number so I can't call her and ask and I can't miss work anyways S O I was willing to take that hit but then there were two of them and I genuinely thought she was still on vacation last week) and she sounded so disappointed with me on the phone and I am already wasting her time by coming at all this is even w o r s e
also i don't understand - if I miss one meeting with no call no cancelling no explanation why does she wait with calling me until I miss another one? D: ghhjsdgjgfasdasd

 

logically I know the mail truck is probably just late but
I can't stop thinking that maybe someone stole the package I'm supposed to get today
where is it

 

LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING.

BUT ESPECIALLY YOU.

brain please stop

 

I'm transferring to a large and awesome-looking university, I'm enrolled in classes and the classes start next week, but my application for the university doesn't... look to be finalized. All because the (failed) AP scores from high school that I sent to the university weren't official transcripts. I have an AA. I graduated from a community college. 3.0 GPA. but they want a damn stamped copy of AP scores. and I can't call them RIGHT NOW about it, have to wait til tomorrow. What if they drop all my classes if the problem isn't fixed in time??

 

Also, the future in general. I can't be convinced that things will be okay until after they actually are. I'm scared of this year's election and want it to be over with already so that I know things will be ok. I worry about friends going through hard times so much that anxiety attacks happen because I won't believe they'll be okay until they let me know after it all blows over. I stress out severely before a convention weekend because I wonder if there will be car troubles or i check in to a hotel too late or my ticket isn't accepted for whatever reason etc... too many examples to type. Every outcome of the future feels so unknown to me that it makes me terrified.
I.... should see a therapist. :(

 

A probable anxiety disorder diagnosis, ironically.

I am nothing if not meta.

 

i have two WIP fics, one of which hasn't been updated since march and the other of which hasn't been updated since november, and i wanna do the thing but the more i think about how long it's been the more i think about how much i'm disappointing people and i've already procrastinated so damn much agshfklfljk

 

My grad program starts next week and I'm currently looking for a job and I just want someone to call me back.

 

Youtube videos.
SOOO MANY YOUTUBE VIDEOS
I have basically 50 that I need to catch up on but I won't be able to, and then there's the new ones coming in every day, and then there's the 300 or so list I have pending in Habitica, and then 800 or so in my Watch Later playlist, and just STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM ERIC

 

so i listen to Way Too Many podcasts. i listen to them pretty much all the time, whenever i'm walking or cooking or in the car - anything. some guy suggested to me a few months ago that i could listen to more in less time if i listened to them at 1.5 speed. it wouldn't change the quality at all, just be faster! he insisted.

i thought about it. i decided against it. because: the moment i start trying to listen to them as quickly as possible, instead of just listening to them to fill time and because i enjoy them - that will be the moment they stop being something i do for fun, and start being a chore where the end goal is to catch up.

i know i'm just some guy over the internet, but from what you've said it sounds like these videos have become a chore for you. step back. breathe. please.

 

I've tried. Believe me, I have tried. It is hard.

I've succeeded with books, and TV series, and movies, and a few other things, the end result has been dozens of lists that are lying around somewhere. I don't worry about them, but I also don't want to forget about them, so they're just... there.
This was supposed to be my "Meh, let's keep up with this bit of stuff", trimmed down version.
It clearly did not work.

 

i know. i've ended up in situations like that before, if less bad; when i start something i have to finish it. well, i don't have to anymore, but it took me a very long time to get my brain to shut up about it.

my advice is to combine all the lists first, so that they're all in one place and you aren't getting bombarded from every angle. that's all I've got for now, sorry.

 

I'm slowly but surely getting there :D
(Google Keep and OneTab and Youtube Playlists are very good friends)
(thanks)

 

np! you're my friend and i don't want you to be unhappy!