Variations on a meme (Spiders Georg)

Post your Spiders Georg variants here! I´ll start:
“average robot wears five frills" factoid actualy just statistical error. average robot wear 0 frills. Frills Ratio, who lives in cave & wears over 10,000, is an outlier adn should not have been counted”

 

it's Georg, not George, in this meme

 

that is true

 

“average meme name" factoid actualy just statistical error. average george ends in an e. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & shitposts over 10,000 times a year, is an outlier adn should not have been counted”

 

“average person has 7 people in the world that look similar to them” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person has 0 other people that look like them. Anaander Mianaai, who lives in palaces on space stations all over the Radch & made over 10,000 clones of herself, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

(credit to vassraptor, who does a lot of Imperial Radch posts)

 

Average dog speaks 0 words per year. Gaspode the Wonder Dog, who lives under a bridge and speaks over 10,000 words each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

(I've seen a bunch of people make this one independently because there's literally a joke in Men at Arms about how people can safely disregard him because he's clearly a statistical anomaly.)

 

Yes, of course I’ve heard what the superstitious locals say: “Stay out of the mountains! There’s no shelter on those harsh peaks, and every last combe and glen is infested with killer spiders!”. They say there’s no way to safely cross that mountain range - anyone trying to rest high up on the peaks will die of exposure, lashed by cruel icy winds. Better that, though, than to risk seeking shelter in the forested vales.

The Crawling Death, they call it. Great glossy black eight-legged fiends, some small enough to creep between the rings of your maille, some large as a splayed hand and quick as a cat, and some - so they say - the size of dogs. Or swine. Or cart-horses. The tales have been exaggerated in the telling, of course, since hardly anyone dares venture far into the gullies and ravines that lace between the majestic peaks (most certainly not at night, when the Crawling Death make their appearance, silent as a shadow).

Even if they’re not quite as large as people say, they’re certainly no less deadly. The king’s physicians, who had the unenviable task of tending to the survivors of the last failed expedition, wrote down in stomach-turning detail the precise symptoms of that merciless venom. Erupting blisters the size of a hen’s egg. Flesh blackening, rotting, and sloughing away from the bone. Sweating, drooling, trembling, nausea, vomiting, ranting and raving and spasming like a creature possessed until death seems like a mercy. Others were gripped with a pain unmatched by any wound of war, paired (curiously) with an erection hard as any standing stone.

And yet, in spite of all this, I’m planning an expedition into the mountains. It’s true, I haven’t the equipment with me to safely shelter from the bitter cold above the tree-line, out of the reach of skittering legs and poison-slick fangs. I have no blessing from the gods, and no miracle of alchemy intended to keep the Crawling Death at bay. What I do have, though, is a map. A map from a past age, a more enlightened age, where the cartographers had a decent understanding of the sciences, rather than the encyclopaedic knowledge of rumour and superstition that seems to be the requirement for a mapmaker these days. And from this map - and the journals that I found with it - I have deduced one particularly salient fact, that I am convinced will allow me to make the journey through the supposedly arachnid-infested ravines in perfect safety.

The superstitious peasants might say every last one of those valleys is crawling with deadly poisonous creatures, but in fact, most of them are utterly empty and safe! However, my map has revealed the source of this rumour: Spiders Gorge, which contains over ten thousand spiders, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

 

average person slays 3 dragons a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person slays 0 dragons per year. Saint Georg, who lives in england & slays over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

 

I love this meme

I love almost all memes

 

"average person loves three memes" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person loves 0 memes. Swirlingflight Georg, who posts on kintsugi and loves all memes, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

 

From a conversation about Final Fantasy between me and sibling:

 

Courtesy of Loreweaver Universe: "“80% of Germans make a living DJing” factoid actualy just statistical error; average German DJs 0 shows per year. Oktoberfest Georg, who can warp time and space and DJs over 64 million beer festivals annually, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

And three courtesy of me (the last one was kinda my friend's idea though):

"“Average Ruby does 3 things wrong a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. Average Ruby did nothing wrong. Eyeballs Georg, who comes from homeworld and did 10,000 things wrong in a single episode of Steven Universe, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

"“average homestuck character dies 413 times” factoid actualy just statistical error. average homestuck character dies once or twice. Aradias Georg, who is willing to die a thousand deaths before her quest is complete, is an outlier and should not have been counted"

"“average Steven Universe episode has one out-of-character-moment” factoid actualy just statistical error. average Steven Universe episode is well-characterized. House Guests Georg, which opens season 1b and mischaracterizes Greg Universe 10,000 times in 11 minutes, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

 

I just refreshed my dash and a classics Spiders Georg meme that I don't understand was at the top of it. I thought I should let this thread know in case anyone gets the joke. :::PPP

 

beautiful

 

Basically Cicero was a big deal politician/philosopher/orator and super in support of the Republic of Rome. When Caesar was assassinated, Cicero wrote a famous series of speeches about how bad a ruler Mark Antony would be (the Phillipics), and tried to have him declared an enemy of the state. It... did not end well for him.

 

Thanks! I knew the general thing but not the specifics of that incident. :D

 

A few more that I saw on Tumblr and liked:

"Average person pulls 3 pranks a year factoid actualy just statistical error. Average person pulls 0 pranks a year. Fred and Georg, who go to Hogwarts and pull over 10,000 pranks each day, are outliers adn should not have been counted"

"Average person learns 3 new things a year factoid actualy just statistical error. Average person learns 0 new things a year. Curious Georg, who lives in big city and learns over 10,000 new things each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

"Average person crashes into 3 trees a year factoid actualy just statistical error. Average person crashes into 0 trees a year. Georg Georg Georg Of The Jungle, who lives in jungle and crashes into over 10,000 trees each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

 

Average person overthrows the British three times each day factoid actually just statistical error. Average person overthrows the British 0 times each year. Georg Washington, who lives in Virginia and overthrows the British 10,000 times each day, is a statistical outlier adn should not have been counted.

 

“average troll kills 3 kids a sweep" factoid actualy just statistical error. average troll kills 0 kids per sweep. Spiders Vriska, who lives in castle & kills over 10,000 kids each flarping session, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

“average vriska learns 3 lessons a time loop" factoid actualy just statistical error. average vriska learns 0 lessons per time loop. Vriska (Vriska), who lives in a dreambubble & learns over 10,000 each page, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

 

bARGES IN I JUST FINISHED AN ENTIRE CLASS ON CICERO SO I HAVE A LOT OF APPRECIATION FOR THIS JOKE AND A BURNING NEED TO EXPLAIN SAID APPRECIATION
may I first, however, recommend this as a succinct and accurate summary of relevant events:

although I think it's important to clarify that by "did not end well," budgie actually means "resulted in Cicero having his throat cut by Antony's cronies, after which his head and hands were cut off and nailed to the Speaker's Platform in the Forum, aka the center of Roman political and religious life, for several months," so. yeah. that happened.

Spoiler: TON OF EXTRA INFORMATION ABOUT CICERO THAT IS NOT RELEVANT BUT WHICH I FIND HILARIOUS, ALSO AN OVERVIEW OF LATE REPUBLICAN ROME WHICH IS CHARMINGLY AND HILARIOUSLY WRITTEN, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF:

so Cicero (born around 100 BCE, if that means anything to anyone) was, like, this backwoods hick of a minor noble (known to the Romans as a novus homo, lit. "new man"; think "new money" but with even more elitism) who decided I'MMA BE A POLITICIAN as a child and proceeded with singleminded fervor to, well, be a politician. this involved moving to Rome and learning to shout at people real good. I mean, technically he was a lawyer, but Roman courts kinda, er. prioritized quality of shouting over actual legal argument, tbh, so he hardly merited the term. see, the thing about the Roman Republic was that, while it was an (oligarchic) republic, and its citizens (notably Cicero, dude had a massive constitutional boner) banged on a lot about its constitution, it didn't actually... have a constitution? generally speaking the constitution was mos maiores ("the custom of the elders," practically speaking "our ancestors did it and our ancestors were the bomb diggity, we should do it too"), but, like, it wasn't written down. there survives like half of a summary of general constitutional themes because someone went to the trouble to engrave them all on a fuckoff huge slab of rock, buuuut that's about it. and the Senate was, like, nominally a legislative body? but mostly what it did was yell at itself until someone bribed and/or blackmailed enough people to get a law proposal sent up to the Tribunes, who had an absolute no-questions-asked power of veto and a visceral loathing of almost everything the majority of Senators would back, so unless someone strongarmed both of them nothing fuckin happened, ever. (on occasion Senators resorted to more radical forms of filibuster as well, like this one guy who ran out of the Senate in a snit about some law and into the Temple of Jupiter, where he ran up this flag traditionally flown in times of invasion and barricaded himself in. according to mos maiores, the Senate could not convene while said flag was flying, since that would mean the city was being invaded, so, uh, the legislative process ground to a halt until someone broke down the barricade and dragged that guy out of the Temple. oh, and a more routine form of legislative obstruction was achieved through blatant abuse of the religious authority of the College of Augers, the head of which looked at some chicken guts read the omens to set the year's holidays, on which the Senate could not convene, and to declare which days were inauspicious and thus, spoiler, on which the Senate could not convene. basically if they didn't want the Senate to be in session they could go "NUH UH THE GODS SAID SO" and no one could disagree. and everyone was well aware that the augers were bullshitting continually, although to be fair late Republican politics and religion were pretty much indistinguishable, so it wasn't exactly irreverent.) ANYway all the Senate ever accomplished was 1) appointing people to be governors of such-and-such a place, 2) managing the corn stipend to which all citizens were entitled and without which the urban mob would (probably literally) rip the Senators apart, and 3) passing an endless succession of anti-election-fraud measures, although these last might be more accurately called anti-other-people's-election-fraud measures, because to a man they were fraudulent as all hell.

so what I'm getting at here is that a) the Republican "government" couldn't govern for shit and hardly merits the term and b) more saliently, there wasn't actually a code of law. the lawyer's job was simply to convince the jury, by hook or by crook (but usually by generous bribery), of whatever argument they were making. Cicero was primarily a defense lawyer, so he specialized in "MY CLIENT DIDN'T DO IT" speeches, actual evidence notwithstanding, with strong rhetorical support in the "AND FURTHERMORE MY CLIENT'S ACCUSER FUCKS DOGS SO THERE" vein. (as far as I know Cicero didn't actually accuse anyone of dogfucking, but character assassination via allegations of deviant sexual conduct was a staple of his legal repartee. Roman courts were pretty wild.) after he did that for a while and became widely known as an up-and-coming public figure, he bribed/sweettalked some more people and got elected to the Senate, where he employed his argumentative skills to be dramatic about doing jack and shit in the grand Senatorial tradition described above. eventually he was elected Consul, was a very reluctant governor of Sicily, made a shit ton of money embezzling Sicilian funds (although to be fair it was actually very little money compared to the amounts embezzled by most Roman governors), became a respected elder statesman for god only knows what reason, yada yada. (as budgie mentioned, he also did a fairly amount of philosophical writing, although he didn't actually produce any novel philosophical thought; he just paraphrased the works of earlier Greek philosophers with whom he agreed.) unfortunately, when the time of the First Triumvirate rolled around, he backed the wrong horse. said Triumvirate consisted of 1) Julius Caesar, ambitious rising statesman, 2) Gaius Pompey, decorated Roman general and also statesman, and 3) Irrelevant Guy, who was like rich or whatever but honestly just irrelevant, since he died pretty early on. so Caesar and Pompey were an unstoppable political force together for a while, right, and Cicero was content to look on and advise from the sidelines. but when Caesar and Pompey broke up he was forced to pick a side, and since Caesar was far too liberal for Cicero's tastes (for a Roman value of "liberal" that was pretty much "hey maybe minor reform is a thing we should consider doing occasionally" instead of "[Fiddler on the Roof voice] TRAAAAADITIOOOOOOOON") he went with Pompey, which, well. you know how that turned out: Pompey died in losing the ensuing civil war. Cicero lived despite being an open Pompey supporter because Caesar had this decidedly un-Roman policy of pardoning enemies who surrendered to him and only chopping off their heads if they opposed him a second time, and that was pretty much the end of the Republic and all of Cicero's goals, values, and dreams. Caesar did not in fact ever crown himself emperor (that fell to his heir Octavian, aka Augustus Caesar, whom Cicero backed against Marc Antony and by whom he was subsequently backstabbed), but he was certainly a dictator. once he died Cicero took a disliking to Antony and, as budgie said, wrote and delivered a truly excessive number of beatdowns (known as the Philippics because in the first one Cicero compared Antony to King Phillip of Macedonia, Alexander the Great's dad and apparently a very unflattering person to be compared to?? idk) in full Ad Hominem Fallacy What Ad Hominem Fallacy Lawyerly Voice. (honestly they're full of sick-ass burns, I recommend getting your hands on an English translation and buckling in for a wild ride.) understandably this pissed Antony off slightly, and since, like I said, Octavian was like "lol whatever" when Cicero asked him for help, one of the biggest players in the fall of the Roman Republic met his inglorious end. /end classicist sperg rant

ahem. ANYway I also have a Dank Mnem to contribute:
"average man shares 1 feeling per year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average man shares 0 feelings per year. eP Georg, who lives in a puddle of his own tears & shares over 3 feelings per second, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
(also shoutout to @littlemissCodeless and @jacktrash for liking this when I posted it as my status y'all are prescient Meme Connoisseurs)