No, seriously. How do I find people who want to give/recieve validation as much as I do? I have some really nice friends already (no one who goes here) who aren't able/interested in being in touch as often as I'd like. I'm not looking to end those friendships, but I'm clearly not getting everything I need. I start to feel deliberately excluded, but I know that's the brain weasels taking. Knowing that I'm wrong didn't made the feeling go away. It actually took me a long time to be able to admit that this is what I need since "Real Healthy People Should Be Able To Be Happy While Alone" but I've tried that and I spend a lot of time just feeling lonely. Also, I worry that depression is a Big Part of this feeling and that I'll just be uncomfortably empty forever. Really though, I'm an optimist underneath all of these fears. I wouldn't be typing this if I actually believed that I'm beyond hope.
The more I think about it the more I'm thinking "is this part of my depression?" Because I have a lot of people that love me and I'm still so sad. I love having good people around so more friends wouldn't hurt, but I'm not sure if it would help either. I don't want to feel like an outsider in my own relationships, but I don't know how to fix myself.
I have nothing helpful to add, but witnessed. It kinda sounds like it is a depression thing, i often feel the same way even though i have a lot of people around me who care. Being lonely sucks.
I did a lot of thinking last night and I've realized this probably belongs in Braaains because it it totes a depression thing. I've been all anxiety about moving for the last 3 months, and I didn't even recognize my old demons :'D I'm gonna reach out more because my brain tells me I'm not wanted and then I isolate myself (which makes me feel even more unwanted...) Doing the opposite of what my bad brain tells me is almost always right. I messaged a couple of friends last night and I was even super brave and answered the phone when my dad called today. Witnessed is such a good term and I appreciate the support so much. I'd love to get to know you (Acey) and the other kintsugin better. I think part of my lonliness is a lack of intimacy in my friendships, so I'm going to try and rekindle the platonic love. <3
