So I know that that many people on here are pretty brainsavvy, and I heard this could be a good place to post about this, and I would really appreciate any advice? I apologise in advance for the extreme rambling. So. Problem 1: I experience a debilitating lack of self-motivation at times. I get into Weird Thought Spirals where I want/have to do a thing, feel overwhelmed by the thing, can't/won't do any other things until I have done the thing and therefore need to do the thing more but get more overwhelmed... etc Spoiler: Examples Example 1: I wake up and need to have a bath. I feel like I Can't Function until I've had a bath. The idea that I can't function until I have a bath means that I put more pressure on myself to have a bath. I make myself not want to bathe even more. Therefore I can't do the other things I want to do after I bathe. Rinse and repeat, so to speak. Example 2: I need to eat. Despite there being lots of food available, nothing feels appealing. I can't decide what to eat. I don't eat. I feel bad because I'm hungry. I don't do anything else because I'm hungry. I feel bad because I don't do anything else. Repeat. It even extends to things I should enjoy doing. Example 3: So I'll be playing a video game and then get to a difficult part. Stop playing. Want to play more but be reluctant bc it's hard and then not do anything else because I Want To Play The Video Game. I then feel bad. Blah blah. Etc. Example 4: I like drawing but drawing is an effort bc tablet/computer setup. At some point I bought an ipad pro and apple pencil (for unrelated reasons - mainly bc i think they're cool as hecky and also portable yayyy) and realised that this eliminates the setup problem! Then realised that apple pencil is always in its box and therefore the effort required to get the box and remove the pencil from the box is overwhelming to me. I don't draw. I continue to not draw. Buy a pencil holder that attaches to my ipad case because if it's RIGHT THERE I have NO EXCUSE. It... kinda works, actually? But I'm struggling to find a way of applying this to other things and also it feels more like I'm playing into my Bad Thought Patterns rather than trying to break them. :/ It can also happen over a longer time period than just a couple of hours, and be more of a background thing, where I will set myself a certain order of doing things but then if I fall down at the first hurdle I will just not progress onto the other things even though the thing doesn't have to be done in that specific order really? Like, posting this is one of those things and I've literally been withholding myself from trying to actually unlurk bc I wanted to Get This Done First?? And when I was struggling to write it I would barely let myself post elsewhere. Idek. Then I have Problem 2, that sometimes happens as a result of Problem 1. I manage to get over my inability to do the thing. And then get stuck doing THAT thing (eg. I will succeed in convincing myself to have a bath, but then get stuck in the bath bc the act of actually washing is Too Much and the cycle begins anew). An alternative that also happens but is kind of the exact opposite is that I enter a sort of Hyperfocus Mode where I will convince myself to do the thing, but then do it NONSTOP without eating or drinking or whatever and realise that I've accidentally done the thing for 5 hours straight (eg. I've been writing this since my SO went to work and I have an awful headache pls stop me). This almost always results in me Feeling Weird. The idea of these things happening also contributes towards Problem 1 and putting me off Doing The Initial Thing. I've tried thinking about WHY it happens Spoiler: Introspection lol I think most often it's because I get obsessive over doing the thing a Certain Way and then just... get so overwhelmed that I just... don't... do it. I know I'm a perfectionist, and I'm also avoidant and I think these things clash in the most beautifully horrific way to produce... This? I'm also starting to question if I have OCPD bc I check a majority of the DSM boxes but it's so hard to unpick whether this is even related to that or just part of a cocktail of messed up brain processes and just. Ugh. And I'm sat here writing all this out and going 'this is all sO DUMB THO' but then when it happens it's... actually debilitating? Like, I will literally stare into space for half an hour trying to motivate myself to Do The Thing I'm trying to do. Even if it's literally just 'have a bath'. And it's so easy right now for me to go 'well duh just do the thing??? simple???' but it's just not that easy when it's happening? I feel really ridiculous. :/ But yeah, hopefully that made sense. Does anybody else do this thing? I would be really grateful to hear people's thoughts and any advice on how to possibly break out of these cycles (without activating hyperfocus mode :L)? [Edit: Rereading this I become convinced that I am just a Sim who needs to surrender to the Player Overlord...]
Hi, I do the thing. You're definitely not alone in doing the thing. I'm terrible at not doing the thing, but some things that help sometimes are: a) Habitica. Specifically, I have a "Did not get stuck at activity change" habit, but also, getting a reward for doing the thing helps sometimes. b) Narrating the steps to myself. Like, if I needed to take a shower I'd go: Ok. Step 1: get clothes. Step 1.1: Get t-shirt *gets t-shirt* Step 1.2: Get pants *gets pants* [...] Step 2: go to bathroom. etc. And generally, breaking stuff up into small steps helps. c) definitely trying to remove dumb brain barriers like in example 4, yes. I can't think of specific examples rn... I think I've seen threads with advice but idk??? Edit: Habitica thread
I have a similar version as well. Sat in the bath tub(naked) for an hour once cuz turning the water just wasn't happening. I've had a litte success in rerouting myself. It is sorta hard because the thing is what you are supposed to do next, but if I can get myself to let go of it for a minute and do a thing I am not stuck on, I can usually circle back to the original task and not be stuck on it. Really sucks with the food thing and I try my best to make sure there is multiple very easy foods available if I am having trouble with that in particular.
Aaah many thank yous for the good suggestions! @iff Thank you for linking me to that thread; while I knew I couldn't be alone in doing the thing, it is so reassuring to read about other people who also do the thing (bc I too struggle to determine whether or not I am being """lazy""" and it's just. So reassuring. Thank you). I have actually had a habitica for a few years! I did find it really helpful, but at some point I checked myself into the inn and... never... checked myself back out... Meaning that accountability is null and I've fallen out of the habit of... checking my habitica?? And it's currently a glorified to-do list. :/ I'm definitely thinking I'll go back though, because setting habits for this stuff sounds like a really good idea (I used to try and set them as dailies, but positive reinforcement seems much more productive, haha!) I reaaaaaally like the idea of narrating the steps and will definitely try that! My SO sometimes does this for me if I am particularly stuck and it is quite effective, but I would really like to get into the habit of doing it myself! And @rorleuaisen I'm sorry you get the thing as well, but also relieved that I'm not alone in having the glitchy bathtime experience. *solidarity fistbump* Trying to do a different thing sounds like a good plan and stocking up on precautionary Easy Foods is definitely something I need to be doing, I think. :L
