(Crossposted from my tumblr, cause explaining again might be the last spoon/straw.) Okay, so….. *trails off as they go deer in the headlights over having to explain* Yeah, so short version: Ended up using a wheelchair around krogers. Why? Because over the past few days, I’ve been doing a lot of walking for me, and it’s like every day I could walk less and less before the pain started up, and started leveling into deeply unhappy, glitter stars in your joints pain. And so it kind of hit a point today while I was in krogers where I’m sitting on the floor in the soda aisle, ready to freaking cry because I really don’t want to get a wheelchair (or the attention it might bring), but the idea of walking the rest of the trip just….Yeah, I was really kind of freaking. Mom helped by just being chill with it, and kind of taking off to get it before I could work myself up into a mental frenzy about it, and A-sib chilled with me until mom got back. I spent the entire trip stuck somewhere between hating everything, and significantly enjoying it a lot more, because look, Ma! No pain! Just. Was this okay? I have no diagnoses, I need to get to a doctor and get one, because it’s just getting worse, stabby achey pains that start in my leg joints (especially my hips) and slowly spread up my back and through the rest of my legs as I try to compensate for the pain and weird looseness that comes with it, and it ends up being something I’m residually sore from for a couple days or more after, depending on how much I push it. But despite having no diagnoses, I still used a wheelchair. Is that horrible? Should I have just sucked it up?
It's not horrible! It seems reasonable to me to use a wheelchair rather than being miserable - I don't think you need an Official Diagnosis for it to be ok. <3 *reassurance beams* (Disclaimer: I know v little about physical disability! But I can usually recognize anxiety-type moon logic, and you're being way hard on yourself.)
Using a wheelchair because you're in enough pain to need it despite not having an official diagnosis doesn't mean you shouldn't be using a wheelchair, it means you should be getting a diagnosis. In the meantime, so long as you're not stealing someone else's wheelchair, you're not taking accessability away from other disabled people. So use a wheelchair, or whatever tools you need to use, whenever you feel like you need them.
Yupyupyup, this! The concept that able-bodied people don't/shouldn't use chairs is because able-bodied people by definition generally don't need them, and instead do shit like taking a ride for the novelty value or to mock disabled people. Needing a wheelchair by definition makes it fine for you to use one, it just means you need to get attention drawn to the need thereof.
I live! Sorry for the late response, I've been dealing with some mid-level depression that's been crunching down on me. But thank you so much for all your messages. I think the big thing is I have serious levels of ptsd that make me terrified of drawing attention to myself in places like stores or other public locations, and so the combined stress of being out, and hurting a lot kind of off-lined my brain and reasoning. Yeah..... It's been a issue for a couple years, but this year it suddenly started escalating, going from being able to stand for a couple hours before pain, to (after these past couple days) standing for 10 minutes is almost too much. Doesn't help that the cold definitely makes it worse. It's been on my "get fixed" list, but depression and blood sugar issues/pcos were both in line before it. 6_6 Blood sugar issues is still technically before it in line, but I think this weekend bumped it up ahead of that.... Anxiety moon logic. That is an excellent way of putting it. (Old man shakes fist at sky.)
I've seen it used as like... "this is weird moon logic, not our Regular Earth Logic." For when anxiety etc. make bizarre conclusions seem reasonable.
