(General TW for suicidal thoughts, gender dysphoria and sexual assault if this becomes a regular thing) The list of usual suspects: Long-term depression Sexual trauma ADD + depression Gender dysphoria Possible autism and/or other brainweird Current symptoms: Unable to do useful things like homework and writing Incredibly frustrated with said inability Think I look weird and unmasculine because boobs Exhausted from explaining sexual trauma to therapists two days ago Hungry but cannot make food, plus already made two sandwiches Suicide sounds great cause then I wouldn't disappoint anyone including myself
honestly, sounds like unpacking trauma. you just did a really huge thing and your brain's trying to re-sort what to do now that you've talked about it. the "think i look weird" dysphoria might be because what you were unpacking was related to your body. sometimes when you're unpacking stuff, things get unsettled because you're not sure how to re-pack it in a way that makes sense. give yourself some credit: you're working through this with help. and you're not alone. take it easy, recognize that this is hard, and that you won't feel like this forever. i'm proud of you.
@pixels has a general idea - I was going to call it "emotional overload" which is a pretty similar concept. Like, instead of being a sensory overload too-much-stimulus, you're in a state of too-much-emotion where the emotion is distracting you from Things.
I talked to a friend and they said it sounded like exactly what you guys are saying: too much emotion at once. They also talked me off being frustrated cause of lack of energy and pointed out that since I don't actually have anything to do today it's perfectly fine if I don't do anything because I can't. I took a nap, people came back with food and now I've at least got enough energy to explain. Thanks for checking in. The thing that set me off was not even being able to concentrate on soothing activities like video games, which is pretty unusual. But it is a pretty unusual situation so *shrug*
Yep, this especially is my brain on overload of some variety. Glad a nap helped! Just be gentle on yourself for a bit.
Round two: Why do I say "I think" or "I feel" so much? I start almost every sentence when I'm arguing that way.
late reply, wasn't around, but--are you afab? those are socialized speech patterns for people who are being raised female. the social theory is that it makes their opinions more palatable to people with male speech patterns, who usually do not hedge their arguments with "i think" or "i feel" and merely state their opinion as if it is fact. because as we all know, men are fragile flowers who will shatter if a female has an opinion.
