sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

I think in my group's megacrossover Atticus the corgi king from Infinity Train is related to Homer Simpson's hallucinatory space coyote. Surreal canines with similar-sounding voices, I'm not the only one who sees it, right?

 

Mega Man loses all of his powers between games because they're incomparable with his firmware updates. Unfortunately he needs those upgrades, because he shows up as a Wi-Fi network and he's sick of people trying to torrent anime with his brain.

 

postgame gramble starts growing a mane. it is green and ends up becoming 80s hair.

when well fed he is a very round, very fluffy grumpus. this clashes a little with wiggle's tall lean thin furred build, they stop being able to share a bed at night because gramble would melt. this is An Annoyance but not a major problem.
sometimes he lies on top of the covers while she burrows under them

 

I'm going to steal that to explain why any technologically-based character loses their powers between games now

 

The Yamanakas (from naruto) tend to have tapir (also known as dream eaters) summons, and the highest ranking tapirs in the spirit realm have a third eye

 

Oh, also: ino grows and smokes weed, and has a shitton of hybrids. She only smokes her own product and it's renowned as the best in konohagakure

Edit: actually i change my mind, it's technically second best after the legendary hashirama strain which no longer grows

 

Consider: instead of a dinky little lightening bolt tucked away in the corner of his forehead, Harry Potter's got a lichtenberg scar starting from the corner of his forehead and crawling down half his face

 

@PotteryWalrus shared with me the excellent headcanon that Gems use different personal pronouns depending on caste (e.g. “I (Ruby)” and “I (Sapphire)” are distinct, and “I (Garnet)” is distinct from both), which I fucking love. (Hope you don’t mind me sharing this here, Mal! ^^;)

Piggybacking off of this, I like the idea of Pearl using a more neutral “I” as opposed to “I (Pearl)” as a show of independence, at least around the other CGs. Also Mal suggested that Amethyst uses essentially “I (quartz, informal)” due to having grown up on Earth around Rose, which I also like a lot.

 

Owl House headcanon: given that Willow only really resembles one of her dads physically, I headcanon her as having been born from a surrogate. (Theoretically one of her dads could be trans, or she could be adopted, but I personally suspect she’s biologically related to the one guy.)

 

Spoiler: Long weird thoughts about Sam & Max

This is probably a hair more unhinged than my usual theories but it’s been rattling around my head for a few days now and this is the thread where I purge my brain demons.
Okay, so. Sam & Max, Freelance Police, the comic/cartoon/video game franchise. Sam is a cartoon dog man. He’s explicitly a dog, and has been identified as an Irish Wolfhound. Max, though. He’s a “lagomorph” or a “hyperkinetic rabbity thing”, and he’s even further removed from physics than other cartoon animal folks. He’s immune to mind control, he stashes items in an extradimensional storage when other characters have to use pockets, he’s inconvenienced by things other people consider lethal, he has eerie psychic powers.
I propose that Max is not a cartoon animal but rather the cartoon animal equivalent of fairy folk. Like he’s 3/4 rabbit and 1/4 trickster spirit on his granny’s side. Or he was, like, adopted by rabbits and that made him rabbit-shaped, that sort of thing.

Sam deeply suspects that his partner-in-crimefighting isn’t a normal rabbit, but doesn't have the details, because despite knowing each other for decades, neither of them ever talk about important shit like that. He’s just kind of accepted that Max is Weird and one of his functions in life is to curb Max’s more dangerous impulses for his own good. And the world’s good.

(His current guess is closer to ‘alien’ or ‘science experiment’, ‘fairy critter’ hasn’t even begun to cross his mind.)

Spoiler: I make it weirder

Uhhh also in this hypothetical headcanon scenario I think there’s other trickster cartoon critter-folk. Specifically, three known cartoon characters who seem more chaotic than their peers, and who seem to be of indeterminate species. Also they get periodically sealed in a giant tower for a few decades, which seems like something you have to do sometimes with trickster spirits. ... I think this was all because I remember hearing the Animaniacs always get questioned on whether they’re puppies or kitties or Something Else, and then I’ve been playing Sam & Max and heard all of the ‘this person is clearly not a rabbit’ comments and my brain ran with it. Anyway Max and the Warner Siblings are weird slightly magic cousins or something. I don’t know whether to end this with ‘thank you for coming to my TED Talk’ or /rips bong so you get both.

 

I still think Marvus is secretly a limeblood, and I want to use that as part of the happy end of a Zebruh redemption arc; Zeb would consider his idol turning out to be a lowblood to be everything he ever wanted.

 

"Hemospectrum" is just a rough translation of the troll word for it. Trolls don't have hemoglobin, which makes blood red; they have a natural form of coboglobin, which makes it clear, and each caste has a different assortment of pigments in the colourless base blood.

 

But 'hemo' is greek for blood. I mean, presumably it is a translation, but 'blood spectrum' seems like it could be a fairly direct translation. Hemoglobin is so named because of its spherical structure, and the component proteins back-named to 'heme' because they are blood-like.
That said, the physiology there probably is very... interesting. Varying blood color, especially so consistently, almost has to be engineered. Which... coboglobin certainly could do it! Another possible explanation is some kind of reflectivity?

 

I'm aware of the meaning of "haeme", but whether Hussie the on-the-other-side-of-the-fourth-wall "translator" is aware is another matter, and he tends to just go with what sounds cool.

 

Pronounced "VAN-tas", Karkat's name means something innocuous in Alternian. "Van-TAS" means "Signless".

 

i was having a thought about bands being named things like "Doctor X and the Ys" or "Professor X and His Orchestra" and then realized that sounds more like Professor Xavier than Professor <name>, and now the X-men are a slightly sleazy early-1900s jazz-and-blues band, sorry i don't make the rules. also i forgot what the original thought was.

 

This is how my train of thought works like 80% of the time, so while I’m not too educated on the X-Men I can’t help but agree on the basis of Funny.

 

If the time period were slightly later you could have the Brotherhood of Mutants, fronted by Magneto, be a metal band.

 

New headcanon: Magneto invented the metal genre.

 

The Dr. West mentioned in Nightmare Hospital’s full name is Billy West. What a stupid fake made-up name :)