Got a few more, cribbed from my old puns tag on Tumblr... Spoiler: math pun My math teacher called me average. How mean. Spoiler: jesus pun Step 1: Become friends with Jesus of Nazareth. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Prophet! Spoiler: essay pun I'm pretty sure I left the final part of my essay on a shelf I can't quite reach, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Spoiler: pokemon pun What do you call a female Eeveelution attracted exclusively to other female Pokemon? A Lesbeon. Spoiler: cat pun How do French cats talk to each other? They chat. Spoiler: gay pun Don't ask me about my sexuality--you're not gonna get a straight answer. Spoiler: twins pun A woman gives birth to identical twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One of them is adopted by an Arab family and named Amal. The other is adopted by a Mexican family and named Juan. Years later, the woman is settled down and married, and gets a letter from Juan. She's ecstatic to see that he's doing very well, and he even included a picture of himself. She turns to her husband and says, "I only wish I had a photo of Amal as well!" Her husband responds, "Honey, they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Today, amazingly, Gaia has brought a fantastic one to my attention - Spoiler: Where do you buy a boyfriend? You get them on eBae.
For the homestucks here: What do you get if you prototype a kernelsprite with a Coloner Sassacres? A Colonel-Sprite (read that out loud)
This exchange between me and my friend while revising for exams. Me: Ugh, what am I doing. I just wrote that 1 + sinh^2(t) = cosh(t). Friend: That's a cosh(t) mistake.
Did someone say PUNS I was auctioning off a portrait of a serial killer and was about to sell it to a guy for $150 when a lady offered to pay $100 for every person the guy'd killed. I gave it to her, of course, but my only thought was, "Well, that's morbid."
Literally just happened, Bel and Wes can confirm: Friend said Google+ lagged on his computer and he didn't know why. Seeing his confusion, I asked if he was feeling nonplussed. "Negative," he replied.
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/ A website dedicated to a great pun also: Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor. The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought. The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Not a new pun, but I'm admitting to the "can't give a fork" submission to Seeb's tumblr a while back.
So they are not actually puns, exactly, so much as phrases I've used in the last few days that I find exceedingly amusing: 1) harder pressed than Giles Corey 2) I orpheused that up 3) I'm going to nail surprise deserts [or other definitely non-human noun] so hard it forgets it's own name
my crowning achievement was the time my friend made a tumblr post that was like "eats an entire block of cheese... this is fine" and i responded Spoiler: spoiler "i keep feeling like there’s a cheese pun to be made here, but nothing’s gouda nough" which was pretty cheesy i know
