Humans are the weirdest aliens?

alien: your dog serves no purpose. why do you keep it?
me, clutching Hannah close to me: HOW DARE YOU! SHE BRIGHTENS MY DAY AND MAKES ME WANT TO GET UP IN THE MORNING. Hannah, don't listen to them, you're wonderful and perfect and I don't know what I'd do without you.

 

.....do you think aliens have recreational drugs or
how would they react to "yeah there's a chance I might die off a few of these, but these ones won't kill me, so I mostly stick to those. yeah, that one gives you hallucinations--be careful, though, bad trips are a fuckin' nightmare. some of these will make you feel like you're fucking flying, though. oh, yeah, most of these are absolutely addictive and shouldn't be used but some of them are okay and--where are you going?"

 

Okay, slight topic change, but poorly understood/stereotyped portrayals of humans in alien fiction.
Imagine the smut.

 

all right but: confusion around human sexes
some of them are very confused about the 'humans have different genitalia' thing
this results in some aliens believing we all have the same genitalia (as any reasonable species would), and others believing that each human has their own individual setup of their genitals--they marvel that there could be so many setups out there

 

I love the idea that aliens would be perplexed by our earnest desire to mildly poison ourselves because we enjoy the symptoms.

 

hell fucking yes

 

god almighty, please read this immediately

 

Spoiler

Oooh. The "predators almost never evolve in the ways needed for space travel" premise is interesting.


eta The sequel bit with the ham heavy "what do you care terran, predators are monsters" exchange is tiresome as fuck. Mistaking predator for carnivore. Humans are omnivores. And I know, I know, this isn't the kind of time where she'd be thinking clearly enough to consider the difference between "only eats flesh, only survives by killing" and "opportunistic." But somehow it's a kind of time where she's thinking clearly enough to make those barbs. Bleh.

 

That was sooooo good omg

 

Spoiler: Whining about something, not related to that last story

I mentioned the Jenkinsverse earlier, and I just remembered one of the biggest complaints I have about it.
The aliens supposedly did not invent firearms and other ballistic weapons because ~*~their bodies were too weak~*~. Then how the fuck did they get to space in the first place?
Edit: Nevermind that guns started out as fixed artillery. Also the whole siege engine thing.

 

Spoiler: kinda nsfw

alien: we do not have compatible genitalia
human: not with that attitude we don't

 

I will never be over "handsome like an F-22 jet fighter." Never.

 

I don't see the problem with that. Have you seen F-22 fighters? They're the second sexiest rectangles in existence.

 

second sexiest?

 

Mettaton.

 

okay but that story was AMAZING. I did not read the sequel thingy though.

 

it looks like prey 2 is on hiatus anyway, so the first story is a good wrapping up point

 

One thing I haven't seen yet is, humans as the only species that's decent at punching.
We've got weird wrists and flat nails instead of claws-chimps and the like are, iirc, terrible at punching, while it's often a human's first resort in a fight.

 

We're also the only species that's good at accurately throwing things! (Well, in theory.)