Puns?

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Deresto, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. Acey

    Acey hand extended, waiting for a shake

    An oldie, but a goodie:

    Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

    This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

    The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

    The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
     
    • Like x 10
  2. LadyNighteyes

    LadyNighteyes Wicked Witch of the Radiant Historia Fandom

    In honor of my annual Hogfather reread, have one of the worst puns Terry Pratchett ever produced:

    A fancy restaurant, for reasons, has had the vast majority of their food replaced with mud and old boots. They have 100 people booked for Christmas Hogswatchnight dinner. The manager, being a resourceful type, has decided that they can work with this, and produces an entire menu oriented around old boots ("prime aged beef") and mud. People ask what they're going to do about the soup (Mud. And a lot of onions.), the puddings (Mud. Maybe they can get it to caramelize.), and...
     
    • Like x 11
  3. budgie

    budgie not actually a bird

    My SO started boxing lessons today, December 26th. This was hilarious to me.

    In Canada and the UK (among other places) the 26th is known as Boxing Day.
     
    • Like x 5
  4. budgie

    budgie not actually a bird

    Starbucks is coming out with a cascara latte in the new year. I had no idea what cascara was, so I googled it and came up with two results: either a Spanish-derived name for coffee cherry tea (no doubt what the latte is) or a species of buckthorn known for its laxative properties. I thought this was funny, so I shared it with a friend, whose unfortunate response was:

    "coffee is already kinda a laxative for me so that's nothing new. basically it's a crapshoot whenever i drink coffee."
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2016
    • Like x 8
  5. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    Safety announcement along the side of the highway lately

    DON'T DRINK & DRIVE
    YULE REGRET IT

    eta wait no it was even more ominous

    YULE BE SORRY
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2017
    • Like x 11
  6. Acey

    Acey hand extended, waiting for a shake

    [​IMG]
    A family friend shared this visual pun on Facebook...

    An old Lang sign.

    Say it out loud. :P
     
    • Like x 6
  7. Deresto

    Deresto Wumbologist



    *PUNS INTENSIFY*
     
    • Like x 1
    • Winner x 1
  8. furrylatula

    furrylatula a pissed off homestuck girl

    Screen Shot 2017-01-02 at 5.46.39 PM.png
     
    • Like x 7
  9. lobo

    lobo Fandom Trash

  10. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

     
    • Like x 4
    • Winner x 1
  11. budgie

    budgie not actually a bird

    "Portland Police Bureau: “Forensic Evidence Division Criminalist Walker Berg took this amazing photo from the 12th floor of the Justice Center. We’re calling it "Crows on Snow.""

    Tumblr user blurds: "dude really knows how to photograph a murder"

    (link)
     
    • Like x 11
    • Winner x 1
  12. Deresto

    Deresto Wumbologist

    Im reading this webcomic and they do a joke about illegible writing and the comments below were just killer:

    He just didn't scribble it down the "write" way.

    That pun is simply unpenable.

    Frankly, I find these puns about writing to be reCursive.

    Y'all are just going to quill me someday.

    Now, now, no need to throw a writ. There's plenty of puncils for everyone.

    None were Addressed to me. I seem to have been led off this time.

    All of your puns are nothing to write home about.
     
    • Like x 7
  13. LadyNighteyes

    LadyNighteyes Wicked Witch of the Radiant Historia Fandom

    This makes me mourn the loss of the Paranatural comments section. It was like this all the time.
     
    • Like x 3
  14. soulsuckingisaacnewton

    soulsuckingisaacnewton strange fuzzy creature

    • Like x 3
  15. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    When I take too long in the bathroom, people try to talk to me through the door. But I just don't give a shit when I'm constipated.
     
    • Like x 9
  16. Technicality

    Technicality All's fair in love and shitposting

    *rips thread in half*
    all of these are tear-able
     
    • Like x 4
    • Agree x 1
  17. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    One I posted in the sidebar a day or so ago, from my dad when I was a kid:
    Q) What's blue and doesn't believe in fairies?
    A) Cynic the Hedgehog.
     
    • Like x 7
  18. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Cake Wrecks has a lot, some from the mod and some due to misspellings. I think my personal favourite has to be the Super Bowl cake which was emblazoned with an unfortunately brown football and the words "Super Bowel Go Go Go".
     
    • Like x 5
  19. budgie

    budgie not actually a bird

     
    • Like x 3
  20. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    vegans do not want to have a beef with you tho
     
    • Like x 6
    • Agree x 1
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