shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Silima cracks up, just a little, in the middle of hugging her mom. "d0nt mind him he has n0 s0cial skills."

 

well at least i know theres someone more obvious than me floating around here
thank you god

fuck man i dont know regular geometry scares me
oh fuck thats a square i whisper in terror right before i bust out into the nastiest hives youve ever seen
someone call 911 he saw a shape and went into anaphylactic shock
but its too late for me
it was too late when i walked into the classroom

yes ive gathered that maybe we werent quite as
astoundingly stealthy
as we were maybe trying for
im trying to quell my mad outta control homolust but it just will not be tamed

well damn
sure ill be happy to rid you of your funeral juice gimme some

 

You know, 'funeral juice' can have a lot of different meanings depending on where you hear it.

 

Look at that, I'm here again. What the fuck, am I right?

 

Oh my god, dorkette has a brother. That didn't come up in the Nudle search.

 

What. I don't have a brother. Are you talking about the "Good Marcus" *makes air quotes*

 

Oh, is this an evil Spock thing instead? I'm assuming you're evil Spock, it's hard to tell when you both have goatees, but the suit's sort of a giveaway. Suits are always evil.

 

I'm not evil. You're a fixer though.

 

"How exactly is introducing yourself creepy, Silima?" Dhara is slightly fuming, but only slightly, because the other troll's a kid.

 

It's the suit isn't it? Like I said, always evil. Gives me away. I'm assuming it's the suit at least, because I know my ctOS profile doesn't have anything on it, and you don't look like anyone who's hired me before, what with being the whole evil dimension twin and all.

 

No, actually, but nice suit. It's the way you approached the situation. No fear, all logic, all work. You're the kind of guy that likes pointing guns at people, I can respect that.

 

thought you didnt speak hick my man
careful now the jig is up ive caught you elbow deep in a horse
ten gallon hat at a jaunty tilt but still unmistakably resting on your head
cant escape now

 

Heh. Yeah, I do like that. Not every fixer does though, you've got shit for brains that couldn't hit the broad side of the barn but they think they're hot shit because they can drive a fucking hybrid. What, like that makes you special? It's a piece of shitty plastic, go get a real car.

What was I saying? Right, yeah, I like you better than the other guy. You've got taste.

Yeeeeaah, I got bored and honestly, waking up to tape Dumb and Dumber's little confessional threw the whole shtick out of my mind. Pretty video's all giftwrapped for their boss now though, so I get to kick back and do... what was it you do in these farming parts again?

Fuck cows, right. On with that, I guess.

 

Honestly most fixers kind of disappoint me, I can do half of what they do for myself. I can actually do the whole thing and have, though I'd assume that someone with good taste actually knows what to do with a gun? The answer isn't 'threaten the guy with it and accidentally shoot him because I have terrible trigger discipline and got bored'. The answer is do your fucking job and do it right.

... Sorry. Baggage. Stupid shit, anyway. Marcus Holloway, CEO of Blume. I'd offer you a job but I'm not sure you could take it.

 

that is a harmful and offensive stereotype and i will not stand for it
nah though dude im from the city
you know places southwards do actually have like places more densely populated than grandpas plantation right

 

it's fine...
-juice gives him the juice.-

...yes, but none as funny as what you can get from 'dad juice'...

 

Well, it would depend on what you're paying. Blume pays shit, to be honest, unless you join the merry band of mercenaries they throw into the gunfire like fucking animals. Not my kind of gig, not my idea of a fun time, and the money is so not worth it.

And just because I know what to do with a gun doesn't mean I won't shoot someone just for shits and giggles. Sometimes I do it just because they have funny voices and I want to know if there's a squeaker in their throat. Rigorous testing has shown that's a 'no', but I keep trying.

Which one? If you're from fucking Memphis that's barely even a city. I'm guessing Texas though, so that's Houston, Austin, or Dallas. Is it Dallas? I want to say Dallas.

Atlanta gets a pass too. Miami, maybe, if I'm in a good mood, but fuck the rest of Florida. The Carolinas are shit too. Southwest isn't too bad though. I could handle Vegas if I had to.

 

I don't pay shit. Who said I was offering to hire you under the company name? If I needed that I'd just use my particular tool for the job to have it done without me getting my hands dirty and looking all 'bad'. I can't judge on the 'shoot for shits and giggles' front, but I would assume a professional would do that on his own time and not with someone they were paid to bring to me.

Especially when I wanted to be the one to do that.

Anyway, can I at least have your name? Maybe I'll find you in my universe. Oh wouldn't it be hilarious if you were this simpering little twat in my universe with you all tough and manly in his.

 

Dad juice and funeral juice aren't mutually exclusive. Explore the possibilities.

Sure. Look around for a 'Jordi Chin'. Not my real name, I know you get that but just have to make sure you really know that, but it's what I've been going by for the last five years. I doubt I'm simpering though. You have any problems with the Vigilante? Anything funny going on in Chicago at all?

 

Duneyrr: "Believe me, that ship has remained anchored for a couple years now."


Veroandi: "What ship?? Are we talking about pirates??? pirates are really cool!!!!"


Durapror: "Um...Sure?"


Duneyrr: "And this is pretty much why."