sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

This is true, but I'm not sure we have a truly general headcanons thread?

...I should fix that at some point maybe?

 

Amethyst has been known to dumpster dive.

 

Amethyst has also been known at times to be the actual dumpster (would you believe all the AWESOME stuff people just throw in those things? For free?) This.... probably at least somewhat explains the sheer volume of random junk she has in her room.

 

Good Omens' Hastur spent some time bothering writers of the Cthulhu Mythos. I also headcanon that angels and demons can have wings of any colour, and his are a gross mustard yellow. When he was an angel, they were gold.

 

Been a while since I posted a RH one here, so: there are a long list of traits that are known to run in the royal family, and for the last few generations it has included, "Sense of humor ranges from 'terrible' to 'nonexistent.'"

 

Spoiler: SU spoilers

Zircon is Phoenix Wright's waifu for laifu.

 

I owe this one to @Pumpkageist : the reason Morgana gets on P5 protag's case to go to bed all the time is 'cause tiny catte wants snuggles.

 

Toriel can fly.

Toriel is not good at flying.
ETA: Asgore is worse.

 

Swerve has read Homestuck.

 

Muffet is a portia jumping spider. Her web is actually made by her pet.

 

This happened. (That's Luke Skywalker and his nephew)

 

Celebrimbor and Narvi would get pissed and make stupid bullshit together. Like really terrible carvings.

bro look at this shitty poem you carved

what no bro dude no

holy shit bro what if CELECALERARIELEIWEN saw this

bro no

 

Monsters as a whole are an entire species of dumpster divers.

As such, they are very good at recycling things.

This does absolutely nothing to curb Frisk's habit of rummaging in trash bins. As such, they end up with a collection of random things they got out of trash bins, ranging from clothes to interesting-looking mangled electronics they are convinced are rejected sculptures.

 

Spoiler: SU spoilers

The Rutile twins have distinct personalities, though it doesn't really show so much in their current situation because they're too focused on staying alive; were they to end up on Earth, or anywhere else where they didn't have to constantly fear for their lives, they'd show some pretty distinct preferences for various things, since they could actually afford to disagree on occasion.

They also share a telepathic link of sorts, since they essentially share a split brain, which helps them function.

 

Things I find funny basically no matter what the canon (though it's the most fun with speculative fiction): what does the snake oil quack medicine look like? Even if it's a setting where you can cure any disease or injury with magic/handwavium technology, there will be people who insist that the handwavium is actually upsetting the balance of your humors and you need to put an expensive substance of suspicious origin in your body (possibly via an unconventional orifice) to purge the negative energy from your aura and decalcify your pineal gland.

(I was ridiculously pleased when I was playing Baten Kaitos Origins and discovered that it's canon that there's people sending out spam mail worded exactly like "natural male enhancement" emails, except the supplements are to make your wings bigger.)

 

*slides a couple quarters across the table* do you have any idea what snake oil quack medicine would look like for gems

 

How to cleanse and charge your crystal.

 

crystal doesn't look like an actual word. it looks like some fantasy bullshit name and it's fucking with my head. I didn't misspell that. Did. Did I?

 

(INSERT J.O. CRYSTAL JOKE HERE)?

 

I imagine the Diamonds would really not like it, because Gems wasting their time and energy on this stuff is decidedly inefficient, but an underground market trading favors and objects flourishes anyway. There's probably a lot of stuff that's supposed to improve the quality of your gem, especially targeted at the Era 2 gems that don't have all the abilities of the older ones- rub this special polish on your gem three times a day to reduce flaws and improve shapeshifting ability! And probably stuff that can allegedly change you from one type of gem to a closely related type of gem, except it takes thousands of years, haha what do you mean I only started selling these fifty years ago, of COURSE it has a long history and is well tested, I totally know a carnelian who turned into an agate!