Back on my bullshit

KingStarscream · Mar 4, 2020 at 1:55 PM

you:
aarakockra warlock (raven queen)

da'ghilan:
woodelf (haha) druid (haha) (circle of land)
OR
tiefling sorceror (wild magic)

Loq · Mar 4, 2020 at 2:22 PM

KingStarscream said: ↑

you:
aarakockra warlock (raven queen)

da'ghilan:
woodelf (haha) druid (haha) (circle of land)
OR
tiefling sorceror (wild magic)
Click to expand...

IRONICALLY the one time I ran an iteration of ghilan in 5e they were in fact a wild magic sorc

Loq · Mar 4, 2020 at 4:24 PM

me: hm. I am vaguely hungry. when is dinner
the clock: half an hour ago??? hello???? food time????

Loq · Mar 5, 2020 at 1:00 PM

poking more holes in my own works is Bad Brain Mojo atm, but in the spirit of the vent meme I'm just gonna drop a reminder that Mathias and Lukas are technically distant cousins-- less related than many actual royal arrangements, But Still
(hot new discourse, point antis at the Habsburg family tree)

Codeless · Mar 5, 2020 at 1:14 PM

winnerest and also pls.

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 2:27 PM

Jaskier has an apprentice, so he can't be terrible with kids

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 2:54 PM

"Nilfgaardians are human, just like you."

"That's an outright lie! They're descended from the Black Seidhe and everyone knows it! Elven blood flows through their veins!"

"And what flows through yours?" The elf smiled derisively. "We've been combining our blood for generations, for centuries, your race and mine, and doing so quite successfully- fortunately or unfortunately. You started persecuting mixed relationships less than a quarter of a century ago, and, incidentally, not very thoroughly. So show me a single human nowadays who hasn't a dash of Seidhe Ichaer, a single drop of the blood of the Elder Race."
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FILAVANDREL OUT HERE DRAGGING THE SHIT OUTTA HUMAN NOBILITY

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 2:57 PM

meanwhile dandelion takes the money and runs, like any sensible bard

Loq · Apr 1, 2020

"For example, if, having sung a ballad about the miller's merry wife, I were to announce it's really about Zvirka, Miller Loach's wife, and I included an announcement that Zvirka can most easily be bedded every Thursday because on Thursdays the miller goes to market, it would no longer be poetry. It would be either rhyming couplets, or foul slander."
Click to expand...

JASKIER

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:05 PM

Definitely Not A Nilfgaardian Spy: so is princess cirilla alive or
Jaskier: oh you liked my song? that's nice :)
Spy: but is she tho
Jaskier: here let me play it for you again :)
Spy: but is she actually alive
Jaskier: bitch :) why should I tell you :)

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:14 PM

"Stop yelling, Dandelion," said the woman, kneeling next to him and slicing through the knots with Rience's stiletto.
"Yennefer? Is that you?"
"Surely you're not going to say you don't remember how I look. And I'm sure my voice is not unfamiliar to your musical ear. Can you stand? They didn't break any bones, did they?"
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bangs fists on table
FRIENDSHIP

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:17 PM

"Bloody hell. Such a sturdy fellow and he still couldn't take it. Pity, pity-"
"He's dead too?"
"Couldn't take the shock. Hmm... I fried him a little too hard.. See, even his teeth are charred- What's the matter with you, Dandelion? Are you going to be sick?"
"I am," the poet replied indistinctly, bending over and leaning his head against the wall.
Click to expand...

YEN IS BEST GIRL

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:21 PM

Dandelion had only known one person, up until then, who could eat a whole chicken with a knife and fork so skilfully. Now he knew how, and from whom [Yennefer], Geralt had learnt the knack. He pulled the other chicken from the skewer and, without a second thought, ripped off a thigh and began eating it, pointedly holding it with both hands.
Click to expand...

Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de whatever, trained and titled noble: bitch why you so fucking fancy

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:26 PM

Loq said: ↑

Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de whatever, trained and titled noble: bitch why you so fucking fancy
Click to expand...

There was still enough meat on Yennefer's chicken, Dandelion noticed, to feed the innkeeper and his family for breakfast. A knife and fork were certainly elegant and refined, but they weren't very effective.
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@sirsparklepants ya boi canonically two drinks away from going off about food waste and classism, you deserve to know

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:30 PM

"But you're not a stranger, Dandelion. I know you and like you."
"Really?" The poet smiled too. "You've been good at concealing it up until now. I've even heard the rumor that you can't stand me, I quote, 'any more than the plague'."
"It was the case once." The enchantress suddenly grew serious. "Later my opinion changed. Later, I was grateful to you."
"What for, if I may ask?"
"Never mind," she said, focusing on the empty tumbler.
Click to expand...

GERALT! HAS! TWO! PARTNERS!

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:34 PM

yennefer dragging the shit out of Jaskier's poetry and including the phrase "who gave you permission to describe my internal organs" gives me LIFE

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:37 PM

"He asked me to convey that this time your report should be to the point, detailed, and under no circumstances in verse. Prose, Dandelion. Prose."
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yennefer, who knows this dumbass as well as geralt: please for the love of god no rhyming this time

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:39 PM

PHILIPPA

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:43 PM

"I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-"
"You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?"
The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.
"You travelled with him," she said finally. "Thanks to you, he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him."
The bard lowered his eyes. "He didn't get much from it," he muttered, "from our friendship. He had little but trouble because of me. He constantly had to get me out of some scrape... help me..."
She leaned across the table, put her hand on his and squeezed it hard without saying anything.
Click to expand...

Brilliant Dumbasses Loving Geralt Club is now in session

Loq · Mar 6, 2020 at 3:56 PM

"It's not good to stop running because you get milk in your muscles."
Click to expand...

who explained lactic acid to ciri

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