A private firm has weaponized the sensation of going to a rock concert alone.
Damning evidence which proves tonight's moon is an imposter.
Of course we do! What kind of operation would we be running if we didn't?
Valentine's Day Special: We'll mail you the heart of your valentine, no charge! Just have romantic feelings for someone, we'll find them.
Welcome to KFC! Forget about the noise you heard last time. We've made it stop now.
Chills down your spine, cars crashing into each other deliberately, screams from miles away. Someone is using Comic Sans, someone you know.
Live by the sword, befriend the sword. Use the sword to smite those who would dare oppose you.
I may consider it, but most likely just watch for status updates-- those are just easier for me. Might make it an every Saturday/Sunday thing.
You're not sure what Nick Jr.'s been teaching your kid, but she's been making direct eye contact while tearing phone books in half all day.
Thank you! Mayhaps the stars and I should commune more for everyone's horoscope needs.
There you have it. That stars have spoken. Do with it what you will.
PISCES: Life is too short to worry about pants.
AQUARIUS: Things rarely end how they begin. Get yourself in trouble, and conquer your way out.
CAPRICORN: You can generate more identity than can be stolen. Crash the identity market. Supply and demand, bitch.
SAGITTARIUS: The stars say no horoscope for you today, because you didn't eat your vegetables, and that's final.
SCORPIO: Show your appreciation with a well composed poem and a salvo of rockets.
LIBRA: All is lost! No. Wait. There it is, nevermind. You’re good.
VIRGO: Seven, counting the pickax.
LEO: You held something in your hand that made you so wistful, so desirous of something you already possessed. It made you want to write, to make...
CANCER: When the going gets tough, the tough bring friends so one of them can attack from the blind spots.
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