Adulting is Hard etc

Anyway its on my list of "things to work toward" once my finances settle and i can get a credit card. But god i hate having that conversation.

 

I made instagram and twitter accounts and posted 1 thing on instagram but i just...mrgh

I never had more than a tiny following on tumblr but at least it was consistent, and i finally built up a little corner of the ffxiv community and now its just...a mess

The idea of rebuilding my presence on another website is exhausting. Its dumb but i feel way more self-conscious of my art putting it elsewhere. Its not even about my skill level, its hard to explain. I guess i hate feeling like a newcomer and not knowing what Im doing. More social rules to learn.

Apparently deviantart is getting relaunched but i dunno...depends on the features...i would love some kind of sketch or wip posting feature that isnt basically invisible like scraps.

I guess it feels like most websites have this expectation of work being a certain level of polish and sometimes i just want to post shitty doodles without being judged

 

This is my "week every 3 months off birth control" so thats probably why im extra grumpy. Also a bit overwhelmed from xmas. It wasnt horrible, just...a mixed bag. Got to see siblings. Mom was...herself.

Weirdly glad to be back at work again. I like the fact that what i have to do is generally straightforward.

 

The secondhand embarrassment is still strong hooooly shit

 

Spoiler

Spoiler: Probably uncharitable & petty

i absolutely support people changing their name if they want to but some things i just...cannot...

Like even thinking of addressing this person with this name is making me sick with secondhand embarrassment

Already been trying to sorta hold them at arms length bc i would rather just be vague aquaintances than deal with the drama that will inevitably result from cutting them off bc they always fuckin explode at every little thing. I've witnessed them go off on people for the tiniest slight because they assumed malicious intent and never apologized for being wrong, over and over again

And now...they've decided to name themselves after a villain...who they have never seemed to show any interest in before at all???

Whyyyyy


Also they have shitty fandom takes

 

Spoiler

Spoiler

like i hope that shit in their life gets better and all i just would like to interact with them as little as possible :s which is really fucking awkward when we have mutual friends

 

Every time i see a post criticizing another thing abt America im like

"Yes, we know, it's embarrassing/awful/horrifying, and we have to live with it"

 

Tonight:
-rent check
-Buy milk?

List for wed:

-Dentist in the morning
-call & sort out health care
-laundry
-Aki's doc appt

 

Its cold i dont want to get out of bed :(

 

Bedroom is actually a fairly reasonable temperature i just get cold easily.

Apartment is in a weird state where bedroom is the only room that stays fairly cool; probably because its furthest from the boiler. we're in the basement & steam radiators are on the ceiling, plus the pipes that bring the heat upstairs run thru our place first

Pros: we dont have to pay for heat

Cons: bc of the energy loss while it travels the heat is cranked up by landlady (who lives upstairs) to the pt every other room is rather overheated. Sometimes we have to actually open the windows in winter to not be sweating in shorts & tshirt. Last year maint guy replaced all the radiator valves so we could turn them down, but it only seemed to work in bedroom. Kitchen is way too hot and any vaguely perishable food left out of the fridge spoils very quickly (esp bread >.<)

Its actually slightly better w the new vales turned all the way down, but still bad enough that it fucks w Aki's heat intolerance

I can at least bribe myself to get out of bed with "you can go change in the kitchen/bathroom bc its actually warmer"

???:
Temp outside: 85+F /too hot inside, need AC
Temp outside: 60-85 F /temp inside is
perfect bc heat isn't on
Temp outside: 35-60 F /too hot inside bc landlady turns heat on
Temp outside: 20-35 F /temp inside fairly reasonable bc overheating balanced out by heat loss thru windows
Temp outside: 20 or below /too hot in middle of rooms, fucking freezing anywhere near the windows bc we have no storm windows/theyre not properly sealed/insulated

 

Timeline of bullshit

JAN 2018: go to doc bc of ear pain, tinnitus, trouble sleeping

-get referred to ENT

3-4 MOS LATER: ENT does tests, says hearing is fine, referrs me to other ENT w sinus specialty

2 MOS LATER: second ENT "surprise its TMJ. Get a mouthguard fitted. its hundreds of dollars, good luck. Also don't use an OTC one from the drug store, they can cause more problems"

A FEW MORE MOS LATER: PCP tells me that it might be covered by medical insurance. Turns out its not. Ask dentist. "We don't do mouthguards here sorry"

A FEW MORE MOS LATER: get new job. New insurance doesnt kick in until 1/1/2019. Make appt at health center w THEIR dentist bc nurse tells me they do mouthguards and insurance will cover it. Have to reschedule for Jan so new insurance will be in effect.

My mom, being nosy as fuck: I WENT TO OUR (mutual) DENTIST AND HE SAID HE DOES DO MOUTHGUARDS BUT THEYRE NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE, AND ALSO YOU SHOULD TRY AN OTC ONE FIRST TO SEE IF IT HELPS

Me: the ENT literally told me not to do that and the hygienist told me they dont do mouthguards there?

My mom: IDK THATS WHAT THE DENTIST TOLD ME

Jan 2019, a whole fucking year later: go to dentist appt at health center. Receptionist can't find me on new insurance. (I did not get sent a card) says that im still covered by old state insurance.

Me: ????? Also i didn't think state insurance gave me dental?

Receptionist: no it does

Me: so I've...been paying out of pocket for cleanings for the past 3 years for no reason...good to fucking know

(Technically my parents have been covering it but giving me grief abt it)

Me: *gets in to appointment, explain why im there (mouthguard), there is confusion, i have to go out and do some paperwork, get brought back in to see a DIFFERENT dentist, explain situation to her. She says they have to do an intake appt first including xrays before mouthguard. Also state insurance apparently lets you pay sliding scale. Ok.

Financial counselor comes in. I explain situation. She says they can't find me as enrolled in new health care OR dental. I show her info on my new job employee website. She goes "oh, they were looking for the dental plain under [insurance company: this state] instead of [insurance company: state where company HQ of your job is]. You are covered! ...also this insurance doesn't cover mouthguards so you have to pay $500 something out of pocket."

Me: so what you're telling me is i should have done this in December when i was still on state insurance after all. Lovely.

Her: you can pay only half upfront today if you want?

Me: uh i literally dont have the money because i still owe my landlord over $1000 due to a miscommunication (i did not say this, i was more diplomatic)

Dentist: well we can just do the intake exam/xrays and you can come in another time for the mouthguard. Btw you have 3 cavities.

Building alarm: *goes off, everyone needs to evacuate*


I WISH I WERE KIDDING

 

Staff/dentist at health center were actually very helpful and friendly. Im just ao fucking frustrated st being given conflicting info on multiple things by multiple people along the process and feeling like a goddamn pingpong ball

"Ok this person told me" "well...." "ok so this person told me..." etc etc

(Also i think the issue w regular dentist is that its a private practice and did t take state insurance but if i KNEW the state insurance actually included dental, because i did not, i would have switched to health center)

Also they had a pretty cool xray machine (instead of developing film it sends the pics straight to the computer) but because the "camera" was bulkier than usual xray film i kept gagging, which hardly ever happens at the dentist for me. It also hurt enough that tears started coming out of my eyes involuntarily. (Not...the xray itself but having to bite down to hold the thing still and it poking me :/) the technician was nice about at least...

Supposedly dentist will call me tomorrow abt what to do (since appt got cut short) but now all i want to do is go home and get back in bed.

 

OH YEAH and apparently now i need to get 3 fillings. One of which isnt my fault bc its underneath an old filling. Also i just got 2 cavities filled 6 mos ago and my mom bitched about paying for THAT so i sure hope my new insurance covers a bunch of this

Also i still cant find a mouthwash that doesnt taste too strong. Should I be using mouthwash? Sure. The reality is that i wont if i hate the taste but every single mouthwash tastes like a garbage sugary mixed drink. It doesnt make my mouth feel clean. I hate it.

 

Too much adulting today. Want to sleep

Still need to do laundry or i wont have clothes for work tomorrow

Poor Aki just got given 4 new meds

 

This is not...venty per se, just didnt know where else to put it

At work the store is p small, and the back...1/4 of it (where my sewing machine is) is raised up like 6". So there's a tiny step all along the border of it. There's also a ramp in the middle. Manager ordered these long planters to go along the sides ramp so people would stop tripping off the edges of it.

Now people just don't use the ramp unless they have like, a baby stroller, and make a beeline around it and trip over the step anyway. Ive started a tally of how many customers per day trip over it. People just dont notice it i guess? Even tho the lower floor and higher floor are 2 different colors/materials. And apparently corporate doesnt want to put reflective tape on it or anything because it'll mess w the store aesthetic and im just...lol...

It may be dumb that people dont notice it but the fact is, if people keep tripping over it because theyre people and trying to find the shortest route to their intended destination, at some pt someone is going to get actually hurt instead of a little embarrassed. I'm hoping that keeping count and showing my manager might help her get it across to the higher ups...

Its reminding me of the time at my old job where there was this patch of grass with a curb by the entrance to the parking lot, and people would not see it and drive right over it all the time. At some point someone drove over it while the lawn sprinkers were up and broke one and flooded the parking lot. After that, they put a big rock there and people...still drove over it...and THEIR CARS WOULD GET STUCK ON THE ROCK AND THEYD GET PISSED. It was both sad and kinda shitty and absolutely hilarious?? It happened at least twice until they removed the rock and put one of those sticks with reflective tape as a marker, and that got run over a bunch and broken, so eventually they gave up.

In that case i think the company couldnt do much because someone else owned the land they built the store on and therefore the parking lot, and therefore it wasnt actually their responsibility to deal with, but yknow...people are going to blame the store.

Idk, just an example of Humans being Humans and while you might think people are smart/observant enough to avoid something, if it keeps being a problem you gotta do something about it. No matter how dumb it seems.

Thinking about it, this is probably the same reason various products have supposedly obvious warning labels on them.

 

I tripped over it even though i SAW it. Now i try to use the ramp because I feel betrayed lol sob;;;;

 

Tbf i probably tripped over it on my first day of work, but my brain knows its there now and compensates.

 

welp, i ordered the service manual for my home sewing machine for $17 and while i think it will be useful for maintenance, it...still...does not tell me...what the tiny metal piece that fell out is...;___;

when i have a day off imma sit down and read it more carefully at least

 

Puts pin in "want to talk abt self awareness & processing speed & adhd but its too early and meds havent kicked in yet"

 

There's a lot of work piled up & i took Tuesday off because major MMO update so i was thinking of going in to work tomorrow but im kinda wiped...Sunday counts as the last day of the week so i can always go in *next* Sunday instead, since i got all my hours for this week in, but...hrgmgm

Maybe I'll do half a shift tomorrow, so i don't have to get up early... nothing is *super* time sensitive but there is...a lot. I was getting frustrated with the jacket i was working on because my seams weren't coming out straight. Have to troubleshoot that still.

Im in zipper hell. Everyone keeps breaking their jacket zippers ahhhh. Also this one guy whose pocket i fixed brought his jacket back a month later with a broken zipper as well and its just as filthy as i remember it being. :'> i feel like we should be able to ask people to throw their stuff in the wash before making a stranger touch it...