Attempts to update... Been a few days on meds. Not sure if effects are happening or not, mostly because I've been vacillating between "tired" and "stressed". Managed to scrape to get the last bit of schoolwork. Got a C+. Which is passing. So I guess I have officially...graduated? Idk if you can call it that for a 2 year program, but its...something. I know my ability to feel good about myself is broken because I don't feel happy or proud just...relieved that it's over. Relieved that I have one less thing to worry about. Work is eh. Been having a hard time staying focused. I wonder if I should change the timing of my meds because i work nights, stay up late, sleep in. Wish my period would get itself over with so I can figure out what part of feeling shitty is pms and what's just...feeling shitty. (Can I get rid of my stupid useless uterus yet???) I did meet my new therapist for the first session. He seems nice. He's the first one out of....five...?? Who straight up said "your mom is abusive". And--I was trying not to laugh, just because a lot of what he said was stuff I've seen people saying here, about not minimizing your own pain just because other people have it worse. So. I guess you guys get the professional stamp of approval. He also said that probably the reason I've still been floundering around is because I haven't worked through the emotions caused my crappy time growing up. Idk why this...seems like big news, but it made me remember my last therapist and how she was convinced my mom and I could reconcile somehow. And she actually got annoyed that we couldn't make progress w my anxiety because I was still living at home and all I could talk about was how miserable my mother made me. It seems really stupid...ly obvious in retrospect that my anxiety disorder didn't come right out of thin air. Either way. At the end of the session he actually thanked me for being honest and said "I know it's difficult." I was surprised because...it's actually not difficult for me to talk to therapists, but I know it is for a lot of other people, so that was nice. I know it's actually shot me in the foot a lot when I was younger, since some had told me that because I was so articulate and self aware that there was...nothing really wrong with me... Spoiler: med talk, probably do not read if you have some kind of Food Issues I think the meds are giving me the loss of appetite side effect, because I like food and sometimes eat more than I should and the other day i...forgot to eat...and I didn't actually feel hungry, but I was definitely shaky from low blood pressure and I had to force myself to get up and make food. So I'm going to have to be careful about eating regular meals I think. Hopefully I will have an easier time with food preparation as a trade-off.