Adulting is Hard etc

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Enzel, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    me: reads a frankly horrifying tweet thread about a woman's experience with being stalked and harassed

    some walnut brain in the QRTs, paraphrased: see what happened to this detransitioner! this is why convincing young girls that they only want to transition because they've experienced trauma isnt conversion therapy!

    the weirdest fucking part is as far as I know the not...detransitioned???? She's just a GNC cis woman who mentioned that people give her shit for dressing masc/cutting her hair but she's done it for her own safety to try to get attention off of her??? so this absolute fucking moron read this whole awful thread and zeroed in on that one tiny part to push their shitty-ass agenda
  2. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    (loud shrieking noise)

    ceiling leak is worse and now the ceiling in Aki's room (next to bathroom) is ALSO leaking but ofc it's the weekend so we're not gonna get anyone out here til Monday (I'm going to call the office and pester them then...its not constant at least but its gross as FUCK I'm so tired of this)

    gotta figure out if I'm still getting UI or not



    need to stop staying up til 5am
    • Witnessed x 1
  3. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    now that I'm awake...

    cant decide if it's better or worse that we have the shitty-ass dropped ceilings with exposed support beams and shit above them bc I *can* fuck around in there without getting dinged for the security deposit bc it looked like ass before we got here but. they havent fucking sent someone to fix the leak for MONTHS I need to go check when I first happened so I can hold it over them when I call :|

    also they promised it wouldn't affect the bedroom well WHAT DO YOU KNOW

    apparently part of the issue is the tub upstairs idk if it's the pipes or the seal on it but. basically above the stupid tiles there's the bare wood support beams which are now absolutely disgusting bc they've been repeatedly soaked. ( a BATHROOM. the ceiling tiles are at least plastic instead of the usual stuff but still. dropped. ceiling. )

    in the bedrooms they're just covering up the old normal plaster ceiling which is...yanno falling out in chunks in various places. it's fine. really. in Aki's room it was actually mostly solid which is why we were so stumped about the smoke smell (turns out it's the next door neighbors smoking in their yard and it drifting over so we have to...figure out where the air comes in on that side now that its warmer...hurgh. but that's another story)

    I think last week I was in there helping them change their sheets and I noticed a stain on one of the ceiling tiles near the wall and pointed it out and they were like "I think that's been there?" but then last night they noticed another stain on a tile near the light which *definitely* was not there before. it was late so we got photos and went to bed but now I have to go stick my head up there and see if there's anything I can do to mitigate the damage until the landlord actually fucking sends someone to fix it.

    luckily I have Monday off bc my work schedule got switched around this week so I can get up first thing and call and be here if they actually send someone...

    Aki also reported some extra trouble breathing over the past couple months so if it's full of mold up there I swear tfg.
  4. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag


    basically if you look in the bathroom ceiling you can see the support beams for the floor above and they go right thru to the other room. the barrier between rooms stops where the old plaster ceiling used to be. (still there but crumbling in bedroom, nonexistent in bathroom) so I'm assuming what happened is the leak just ran along one of the beams and dripped down onto the bedroom ceiling enough to soak thru. I can see a few other spots where it dripped onto the tiles but hasn't soaked thru yet.

    also the corner of the bathroom ceiling closest to Aki's bedroom DEFINITELY has mold all over the wood and old plaster. ughhhh. took a bunch of photos and going to give landlord an earful tomorrow.
  5. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    1. yes I'm well aware my complex I got from my emotionally abusive ableist mother makes me read certain things into the dynamic between protag and villain here but also

    2. why do you have to try to sanitize a perfectly good villain especially when half of his appeal is that he's fucking awful but you (the audience) find him charming anyway. what's the point. the awfulness is part of the appeal!!! own it!!!

    2.5: saying your man will shoot the guy who is trying to save your life for "simping" is romantic is um. well I hope its. supposed to be a joke? please tell me it's meant to be a joke

    2.55: see the reason I thought it wasn't a joke is because you just said he cares deeply for [preincarnation] (true) but implied that you think he extends that feeling to [protagonist] even tho the majority of the story is basically hitting you over the head with a bat labeled "he thinks they are inferior and disgusting and literally says he doesn't consider killing them murder because they 'aren't alive' "

    2.555: idk I'm just skeeved out by the implications of "he loves [x], therefore--" as if loving someone means you always do everything right by them. do I believe he loves them? yeah. it's also clear he puts their memory on a pedestal and has been stewing in toxic emotions and heaps of denial for tens of thousands of years so

    2.5555: my mother says she loves me at the end of every phone call but it's been 31 years and she's still an abusive ableist asshole so eyyyyyy

    3: "I'll consider you a real person with thoughts and feelings I'll acknowledge once you jump through this arbitrary agility course I just set up, also I'm just going to continuously add hoops to the end of it until you literally kill me"

    3.55: idk I just hate the. thing where people take fantasy worldbuilding that says one type of sentient being is "superior" to others at face value. I hate when they do it w dragons too tbh. they're not special they're just very large people that can breathe fire and are just as capable of doing stupid shit and being responsible for their own actions as everyone else.

    "it's not eugenicist rhetoric it's just the worldbuilding--" literally fuck off. yeet yourself into the stratosphere

    "but they live so long that mortals are like ants to the--" do not fucking bring up the ants thing ever again. do you fuck ants? no???? I didn't think so??? if they can have consensual sex then they're not "LIKE ANTS"

    (you understand why that's worse right.gif)

    (thankfully the above person did not actually bring up the ants thing but every time someone does I honestly see red)

    (the thing is the statement abt the character's beliefs may be objectively true but its basically only ever trotted out to justify all the meticulously premeditated mass murder)

    4. people stop trying to say there is a canon love interest in a game w/ a customizable protagonist and the devs are on record stating you can decide which NPC your character is into challenge

    5. I hate that it's so hard to decipher sarcasm on the internet bc I honestly have no idea how serious these people are
    • Agree x 1
  6. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    ugh I hope my adderall tolerance hasnt gone up again but for the past few weeks I have been getting home from work and immediately getting in bed because I'm so tired

    I sometimes just sit for an hour or so or nap and then feel better but. why...don't like that.

    I mean it seems to be working fine in terms of focus for work but idk where the crash/fatigue is coming from :(
  7. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    ok. trying to unscramble my brain and make some sort of to do list

    re: apartment. unfortunately asshole neighbor did not move out. Supposedly the upstairs bathroom is being renovated today. Then we get to bug landlord about ceiling mold. We decided to stay another year and save money to see if we could afford a condo because house prices are absurd. (There's very little chance we're going to find another place with 4 rooms for a similar price.) Aki and I are going to swap bedrooms so they can have a quiet place to escape noise from upstairs & I sleep like the dead and am usually gone during the day. I think we determined that the smoke smell was from the next door neighbors smoking outside so I'm going to seal the window facing that side & see if that helps. will go from there.

    since we're 99% staying (just have to confirm w landlord to renew lease) I'm going thru stuff more aggressively & organizing & trying to throw out stuff I was hoarding. tho a lot of it comes down to a "storing things efficiently" problem so I'm going to try to invest in good storage furniture.

    general things:

    -clean up & store things in prep for moving rooms
    -figure out how to check on the status of Aki's application for disability insurance

    (after vaccination bc the DMV sucks)
    -sit down and make a list of steps for transferring the car ownership
    -need to get my stupid RealID now that I have an address that isn't inconsistent
    -car probably needs a tune up

    things to buy:

    -clear shipping tape
    -maybe a pair of sawhorses if I'm going to do more projects w wood
  8. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    me watching another Competing Access Needs Slapfight break out on the internet: not this shitto again

    seriously can we stop doing this to each other. that goes for disabled people and LGBT+ people both
  9. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

  10. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    got...*something* back from state insurance that seems to be a rejection of Aki's disability application but it's so fucking vague it makes me want to scream

    its basically a bunch of auto-generated paperwork that says, buried in the middle of a bunch of paragraphs of filler "you could have been rejected for anything on this list of 10 things, please call this # to confirm what it was"

    so got a fun phone call ahead of me this week on my day off...this isn't SSI, its basically insurance aid for working disabled people, but I'm not surprised if they auto reject people like SSI does just to "filter" out people who don't have the means to appeal

    apartment related:

    -email landlord abt renewing lease
    -ask if upstairs bathroom has been fixed
    -ask if bathroom fan can be replaced (it's always made a horrible noise but now it's worse and who knows if the water damaged it)

    -patch up bathroom walls
    -see abt getting a shower head with a filter for hard water?
    -get window ACs installed

    (scream into the abyss)

    -look into/budget for couch and washer/dryer

    -keep organizing room
    -keep organizing porch

    -cat furniture projects
    -fabric storage projects
    -figure out a good accessible storage system for tools

    -ikea run at some point

    -need fabric--lots of muslin for covers etc
    • Witnessed x 1
  11. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    there's also the factor Aki's medical records are kinda fucked & neither of us know what to do...the hospital/doctor they went to for the first 22 years of their life was supposed to have sent all their records to the current place when they switched over, like 7 years ago. it turns out they only sent like. some records of ER visits from when Aki was a teen. The childhood records, including their ADHD diagnosis? Completely gone. We didn't think to check at the time and ofc when I tried to compile them for this application I found out the hospital only keeps records for 7 years after you leave (??) And we were just over the threshold for that.

    on one hand their pediatrician was a fucking asshole and 90% of the reason their health is so fucked now bc she dismissed everything as "attention seeking", so who knows if those records would have been detrimental,

    in other healthcare news my ob/gyn left the practice so I need a new one and I'm... not looking forward to that...I can probably keep getting my bc script from my PCP but my ob/gyn was the only one that was understanding about how bad my dysphoria is re: getting a pap smear. ugh.

    might wait and see if Aki's doc has an opening at some pt because she seems nice.
  12. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    allergies have been acting up despite me taking meds so gotta...vacuum more and clean my makeshift air filter... (I taped a filter to a box fan)

    minor gripe but public transit has construction going on but only on evenings and weekends...which means that the one day I work on the weekend i have to leave like 40 mins earlier than usual. it really fucks w my head bc I rely on having a consistent schedule and I was doing rly well being on time...until today. ugh

    making some progress organizing my room...trying to come up w a better way to store fabric. last year I ran an AC in my room during the summer just fine, but maybe 6 months ago the breaker started tripping randomly, when all that was on was my computer & the ceiling light, or my sewing machine (just on and not running). it's been happening every 2-4 weeks, and thankfully I set up my UPS so my computer is fine, but it's been concerning bc...why. (it's clearly just my room, all the fuses are labeled)

    I tried a bunch of different things, moving things to different outlets etc, when finally it occured to me that it was possible that the kid upstairs always jumping around and literally rattling our ceiling fixtures could have knocked something loose, considering my roommate's lightbulb came unscrewed twice. I have no faith in the landlord doing shit after the bathroom fiasco so I checked it out myself (yes safely, breaker off) and didn't see anything immediately wrong but I re-secured all the wires and am crossing my fingers...
  13. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    well just found out baseball season is upon us because public transit was so crowded I had to wait for multiple trains to go by before I could get on one. forget about social distancing. I'm still on the vaccine waitlist. FUCK this.

    there's no way I can drive to work bc there's just fucking nowhere to park. I am honestly tempted to ask my manager not to schedule me on weekends bc this legitimately scares me. someone sat down NEXT TO ME for the first time in like 14 months and every hair on my neck stood on end. just. fucking hell. wont know till next week if Aki is vaccinated yet either (they're getting their second round of shots so we'll find out by the reaction whether or not they got the placebo before...)
  14. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    more screaming

    good: I was able to get vaccine appt for this week thru cvs

    aaaaa: I thought the unemployment thing was settled bc I got payment for the first week of this year (bc its been a year since I applied) but i noticed subsequent weeks never came turns out because I've been on reduced hours for so long, its calculating my benefit based on those hours and not the 35-40 hr weeks I was working pre-pandemic. so doing a 20 hr week means. i get shit all because i made over the benefit amount for that week.

    i don't know what the hell to do or even if I can do anything...I was relying on that money and thought it was settled...jfc
    • Witnessed x 1
  15. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    me: I'm financially stable, I feel much less stressed.

    me: [is no longer financially stable] stressed again

    ...the "good" news is I'm ok for another month or two rent wise but we were planning to make some big purchases (Washer/dryer and a couch) and now I'm like...great. thanks. what the fuck.

    it doesn't help that the Unemployment website is rly obtuse but from what I understand it basically calculates my income from the last 3 quarters which is is this fair.

    I think there's a typo bc the chart shows 4/1/2020...anyway this is extra bullshit because I used all my PTO during lockdown last year & didnt actually get unemployment benefits til like. idk sometime in may? it was a mess. plus I had no idea I could apply for partial so I missed out on like 3 months of that. I'm just. so fucking tired...I wish the IRS would process my tax refund... (I mean I got my regular refund but I should be getting the taxed stuff from UI benefits back)

    I guess it might be worth trying to calculate the amt myself but that means printing out a years worth of pay stubs...woohoo...

    just wanna lie on the floor
  16. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    used the work printer to print out all those pay stubs bc I'm out of fucks to give. gonna puzzle over the math this weekend.

    also double checked and yeah. my PTO ran out in may, got unemployment for June, started working again in July. also noticed a discrepancy in my old paychecks that never got corrected and idk if I feel up to pursuing it... (basically since lockdown ended any holiday/over time pay I got wasn't recorded as time and a half. it happened to other ppl too and someone caught it so we were given compensation but. it looks like they didn't go back far enough for me. I'd have to redo the math to be sure but...sigh. this was my old manager and she got rly PA about it so. its probably too late bc the year is wouldn't be more than like $100 before taxes so idk if worth the energy to pursue.)

    the amt I got from April 2020-April 2021 was roughly 20k vs the 14k showing on my unemployment record bc they only drew from 3 quarters?? so that may be why it's so low bc they divided that by 52 wks to get the weekly amt...I need to make a fuckin spreadsheet or sth to figure this out

    I'm p sure the PTO I used counts as income/working for UI purposes since they wouldn't give me UI while I was getting PTO...

    vaccine tomorrow woooooo
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2021
    • Witnessed x 1
  17. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    so, several things appear to be true:

    -it's the last day of the month
    -there is a dumpster in the driveway that has been filled with various broken household junk over the course of the last few days
    -this morning as i was leaving for work, Asshole Neighbor was in the stairwell with his daughter and like 7 suitcases

    *crosses fingers like i've never crossed them before*

    the only hitch is that they got into a different car and their car is still in the driveway which is weird. (also i noticed last month they have out of state plates and probably have this entire time? which is p illegal lol)

    its possible someone on the 3rd floor is moving out since I saw a package of moving boxes addressed to that apartment, but the people throwing stuff in the dumpster were definitely going in and out of the second floor...
  18. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    Unemployment got the pay stub info from my job over the weekend I guess didn't change anything, so the issue does seem to be that they no longer consider me like. reduced from full time. and that the 20hrs I've been doing for a year is my "regular" pay. I have no idea where to find info about this because this is specifically bc of Covid so it's not. a normal situation. internet searches have turned up nothing.

    sooo...going to have to call and speak to someone. what I don't understand is that they approved my new claim for this year and sent me 1 check and then...*after* that it stopped. I don't get it.

    going to attempt to speak to my manager about increasing my hours to like 30 because I am actually getting more work to do...but who knows.
    Last edited: May 3, 2021
  19. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    [screams into pillow]

    as a very wise man once said,

  20. Enzel

    Enzel androgynous jrpg protag

    some good news for once: Aki actually got approved for the disability health insurance discount!! which is a huge relief.

    have to call unemployment tomorrow. did talk to my manager & its apparently her boss that decides if I get more hours rn so she's going to talk to him since I got a lot of work in these past couple weeks. so we'll see.

    last post was me yelling about my bad judgment bc I answered the phone when my mom called and we ended up arguing...sigh. it just keeps coming back to the fact that she won't accept my decisions about anything, she has to insist on me doing what she wants about any given thing. I need to be more careful abt conversational topics w her...going to try to just veto any money/job talk from here on bc it always goes bad. -_-

    the tl;dr is she commented on my job situation and then insisted I look for another job, and when I refused bc it would completely disrupt my life and I want to try to figure out the unemployment/more hrs thing first instead of just throwing myself at a new job, she gave me shit about it. so I told her that we can't all be married to programmers [mistake] which she took as me saying that she's financially dependent on my dad?? when I was trying to say that if you're married to someone w a 6 figure salary you can afford to take more financial risks. :| so she fired back basically saying that the reason SHE'S financially stable is because she ~worked hard~ and ~saved~ and the reason I'm not is because of my ~choices~.

    not, you know. the global pandemic. and the fact that the people in power in the country are huge assholes. and the economy. which I told her but with more swearing and then hung up on her. I just...I don't know, the combo of her completely misunderstanding me talking about financial security as me insulting her work ethic and then insulting *my* work ethic as if I havent struggled my whole life without adequate support for my disability, on top of the whole just world fallacy shit...I lost my temper. sigh.

    basically it was just. the most boomer shit that's ever come out of her mouth and it caught me off guard. I know she loves just ignoring bad stuff that happens because it "upsets" her but I guess I really didn't grasp how badly she believes that shitty things happening to someone is all because of their own choices ...I guess it tracks with how she's always treated me.
    Last edited: May 6, 2021
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