My partner is three years younger than I am, and two years behind me in school (I graduated a year ago; this is her final year). I didn't know her age when we started this thing, only her year. It's not a big difference, necessarily, but as others have said, the differing life stages thing can be complicated. I've been scrounging for work and housing for a year and a half already, whereas she doesn't need to for another year - so even if I find a stable/good position, it could still end up sub optimal if she graduates and can't get reasonable work/housing in the same area/state. And then there will be grad school for me to figure out while she's just graduated college. Eh. We'll see how it goes. Regarding pressure on AFAB people to hook up with older men, I think in my experience it's less "people/culture tells young AFAB people that they should hook up with older men" and more like "older men very commonly use the leverage their age/gender gives them to tell younger AFAB people that they should sleep with them", if that distinction makes sense. As in, it's not a general message that younger girls ought to hook up with older men, it's that girls are generally taught to be conciliatory/pleasing and feel flattered if someone finds them desirable, so by extension taught that they should be available for people who want them, including older men. Those men then capitalize on that training (plus lack of experience) and gently or not-so-gently coerce younger girls into relationships/sex/etc. That's what I've seen, in any case.
Interestingly, this has not been my experience. I have known a lot of teenage AFAB people who deliberately sought out older men because they thought they were too mature for guys their own age, and that the way to have real adult relationships was to be with older guys. The older guys were varyingly flattered but uninterested, creepy an interested, concerned about the social ramifications of being seen as creepy, or determined that somehow they were special enough to actively manage the power dynamic.
Hmm, well it's just personal experience, but I know in my experience my mother has often told me that 'i was so mature' that I would end up hooking up with someone older than me. I've often heard the message of 'men grow more mature later so that's why women are often younger in the relationships', not as explicitly as that but I've heard a lot of commentary like that. also older men are found attractive while older women don't have that precedent? women become less 'attractive' quicker culturally, less valuable quicker. I feel like there's a few things going on there that lead to a sort of pressure culturally. (I did end up hooking up with people older than me but not dudes like my mom would've wished)
You are right, that definitely happens quite I bit. I wasn't thinking about that angle when I wrote that post.
my mom when she was around forty once dated a guy in his twenties i saw no problems with the relationship- at least until he started drinking but that didn't really have anything to do with the age thing
"also older men are found attractive while older women don't have that precedent?" - and this is so maddening. Have you seen those charts, with famous actresses and their partners' ages, in different films, along their life? 30-something actresses being "too old" for 50-something guys? Fuck the guys making these decisions. Also, guys being older in relationships leads to women staying home with babies (because they are not as far yet in their career, so the guy taking a leave doesn't make financial sense), and ending up earning less - not like we had equal income if it wasn't for this one thing, but it's still one of the ways cultural norms around gender lead to economic inequality. Arrgh.
There's a gap of 10 years between me and my boyfriend. He's 35 and I'm 25. We joke about it sometimes, but it's never been an issue. My friends like him a lot and so does my family. He introduced me to his group of friends, who are all mainly in their 30s, and I hang out with them a lot now. Aside from the occasional, '... And now I feel old' moments on their part (like when we were discussing where we were on 9/11: I'd just started high school and they were in uni) I don't think any of us usually even remember that I'm younger.
The partner I live with, Alana, is 3 months and 3 days younger than me. During those 3 months and 3 days she pretends she's SO MUCH YOUNGER and has a laugh with it. My other partner is 8 years younger but at 42 vs 34 that's not such a huge percentage.
