Alix's Debugging Thread, Take Two

Here's the thread! I can't think of anything to say right now, so I'll just leave it that way. I'm gonna go to bed soon and check the thread again tomorrow, feel free to say anything you'd like in the mean time.

 

So, I completely forgot I was supposed to go to bed. Oh well.
Anyway, here's the post I made about that earlier:

 

would having more ppl you can talk to when in or near meltdown mode help?

also, I know you're not in a position where you can get in person therapy, but have you looked into online cbt or dbt courses? moodgym is a good one for cbt, though unfortunately I don't know of any similar dbt things

 

I saved a link to a DBT online course thing a while ago, because I was on mobile and couldn't check it, but then I forgot about it, so, thanks for reminding me!
I'm not sure "more people I can talk to" is a good idea, because they'd just end up getting yelled at too, and not all of them are like seebs.

 

So uh—speaking as a fairly uninvolved third party, I've noticed that a lot of trouble (in general! oh man do I ever have trouble with this) tends to come from tone and how it's read?

fr'instance I was talking with someone about one of my characters the other day, and I was explaining how I got pissy whenever someone tried to describe my character for me—usually he got described with red hair and white skin and I'm sitting here shouting HEY HE'S PART ASIAN BRUH.
and someone was like, "part asian"? sssso I rattled off his ethnic background, because that's something I'm used to doing in my home culture/while giving a short description of my characters
and they went "oh. uh." and lOWKEY PANICKED because OH GOD HAD I OFFENDED THEM WAS THIS NOT OKAY sCREEEECH
then I was like "SORRY IF THAT WAS RUDE" and they're like "holy shit no I was just laughing because you rattled off his background like he's a mixed drink"

ANYWAY tangent aside I was wondering if putting in some kind of indicator might be helpful? like if you're joking in a post say (I mean this as a joke!) or if you're upset and trying to be funny (I'm actually upset/triggered too and trying to make a joke to deal with it)?

 

So. I already kinda knew my perception of time was kinda fucked up, but it seems to be worse than I thought.
Okay, so, I've been kinda assuming people were poking me out of the blue and holding a pretty intense grudge against me. I mean, drama happened in isolated incidents once every few weeks, right?
Nope, it's been apparently happening much more regularly. A specific incident I referred to as having happened "a few months ago" when talking with Seebs was actually three weeks ago. I don't know if it's the one that prompted this thread being created or if something else happened in the following days, which... I guess is more likely???
So, yeah. People's kinda aggressive reactions to random posts make much more sense that way.

 

have you considered keeping a journal, or would that be subject to privacy invasions by family? or if you do habitica, you can have a negative habit and I think the thing will track it? at least for a little while. or private/locked tumblr posts that "oh x happened today."

it doesn't even have to be about meltdown stuff, just some kind of log of daily stuff to help you keep track of time, like "today I did a programming thing"

 

I tried Habitica something like two or three years ago, back when it was called HabitRPG, but I kept cheating on the habits so I ended up deleting it. As for a journal, I'm not exactly sure I'd be able to do the thing consistently enough for it to work. IDK.

 

So, after a rather... Enlightening conversation with Will, I feel the need to say this:
So, I'm sorry for... Pretty much everything I've said during a meltdown, ever. I'm not sure how to elaborate on that because the list is pretty long, but trust me, this is definitely completely sincere.

 

Don't elaborate on it, but that's a really good thing to do and say.

 

(Whoops, I typed it up somewhere else initially and forgot to change that when I decided to post it here instead, so, to clarify, Will is BPD Anon)