Are you a truth-shouter or a cutlery-loader?

I go from cutlery loader to truth shouter.

When I'm in the heat of an argument, feeling like the other(s) involved are arguing at me, it's difficult for me to think, and harder still to communicate my thoughts. My thoughts and feelings tangle up into snarled webs, and it's hard for me to tell which things are actually connected, and which are just in temporary close proximity.

I reach a point of needing to say a lot of the things running through my head, even if they're not True true, to get them out of the miasma of emotions. Only once I get them out of there can I start to actually piece together for what's real, in more than the heat of the moment.

If I perceive that someone's shouting truths at me, when I'm still drowning in emotions, I cannot process what they're saying. I either shut down and it's like they're pouring water on a cup with its lid on, so nothing's actually getting in... or I start loading and firing the cutlery, to convince them it's not worth it to talk at me, so they'll go away and give me time to process and get back to a state I can operate from.

When I have the chance to go through the emotions, and sort through all the scattered half-truths and impressions and things, I reach a point where I can say the Things Too Unpleasant For Daily Life, the truths (subjective, or as objective as I can manage, alike). And that's the part where the argument/conversation starts to feel fulfilling instead of exhausting.

 

Heh, I got first post on that ML thread linked to ("Matthew Jude Brown" is my boymode name")

 

Thanks. I'd say more but I think we've derailed enough threads with this subject lately, so just thanks.

 

I think I'm a truth shouter. I don't like to argue so when I have to, I try to fix the problem so there's no more argument

 

....I'm not totally clear on what either one really is, but I think I'm a cutlery loader? if that means that you say things to help your emotions and make yourself feel better with little to no regard for what you're saying and how it'll affect the other person, then I am a cutlery loader, because that is exactly what I do in arguments and also exactly why I try to avoid arguments.

 

My default approach is truth-shouty, but sometimes if I'm really emotional I find myself saying things because they're.. like... narratively.. satisfying? Which is closer to cutlerying because - They fit the emotion I am currently feeling but are also an untrue description of past events? Like, if I'm really sad RIGHT THEN sometimes I'll exclaim that I've been really sad for SO LONG about EVERYTHING, and ten when I calm down I'm like oh no that was kind of a lie what if they take that seriously

(I'm specifically recalling the first time I was home on break from boarding school, where I got emotional as hell and sobbed that I hated it there and felt like I didn't belong. Which wasn't really true at all, but FELT true, right at that moment)

 

I still don't understand what truth-shouting really is. can a truth-shouter please explain?

 

I think it's "the heated atmosphere of this argument allows me to say things which have been on my mind, but which I wasn't comfortable saying outside of an argument"?

 

ohhhhhhhhhhh. hmmmm.
I....alternate between the two, then, I think?

 

Actually, on second thought, I think maybe the original quote implies something slightly weirder, and I don't really get it.

 

I think it's a combination of "Saying things I didn't feel comfortable or able to say out of an argument" and "everything all people involved say are Truth and Meant Sincerely" which... is not the case in cutlery-throwing.

 

aaaah.
in that case, I guess I'm a truth-shouter, because while I don't necessarily pay much mind to how what I say is going to make the other person feel and just say what I'm feeling, it is the truth and I take everything said as the truth.

 

i think it's looking more at the goals of what you seek from an argument- for truth-shouters, arguments are a Serious Place to Have Discussions, where "truths" can be talked about with a clarity and purpose that isn't possible in normal conversations (correct me if i'm wrong)

while, my impression of cutlery throwing is that we look at arguments with kind of the opposite goal in mind, that we're leaving clarity and purpose and Serious Discussions out of it right now, because we want to speak more informally or off-the-cuff, less carefully than we would. arguments aren't serious debate time, arguments are "i need to think this out and it's gonna be messy but i'm gonna Say The Thing"

 

Yeah that's about how I see it. Maybe even with a side order of "I need to shout so I am shouting but I don't actually mean anything I'm saying because this is just a way of venting frustration/stress/etc without actually shouting at the thing causing that."

 

aaaaaah.
in that case, I am definitely a truth-shouter. because arguments are definitely a Serious Place to Have Discussions.