another bpder with the same hat. i am a thin veneer of special interests over a chaotic swirling core of self-loathing. i'm 99% sure i don't have a personality. also, unfortunately, part of the not having a sense of self also means, for me, not having a sense of where i fit in with my surroundings or my community. i don't have a sense-of-self of being a child of my parents, or a sibling, or a friend, or a lover. i also don't have a sense-of-self surrounding my job or career, and i mostly don't have one surrounding my hobbies. the closest i can do is say "i am a writer," some days, but as it turns out, having that sense-of-self is actively damaging for me, because it gets turned into an emotional self-harm tool until i stop saying it and it stops hurting so much. not having a sense of self, i just realized, also means that i have no concept of what it means when other people like me for me. i can do it for other people just fine, but people doing it for me confuses me, because i know there's no "me" in here, there's only what i've done for them lately. and i'm glad they like that, but someday i won't have done anything for them.
I... Don't think I have a personality either. I vaguely know my special interests. Maybe. But I have no idea what I'm actually like. Even when people ask me what kind of music I like, I can't even answer that.
personality disorders as a general rule are not even diagnosible until the patient is ~18+, and preferably not until the patient is in their 20s so that brain development can complete. mirroring peers and adopting interests and changing in things so that people will like you is generally what being-a-teenager is like. i'm 27. it's humiliating to know that what i'm doing is normally teenager behavior.
Interesting! From those final checklist overview things it seems there's a possibility I might have HPD or BPD, with HPD being the more likely of the two. I might have to take more tests. EDIT: I don’t seem to fit the stuff I'm reading about HPD, even though I feel the initial overview fit. Now I'm even more confused.
Honestly, part of me realizing "hey I might actually be borderline" was going through the DSM criteria and going "wow holy fuck that me." It was only fully confirmed by a psych literally within the past week, though, so YMMV.
True, but I pretty strongly show symptoms of BPD and STPD, in a way that definitely impairs my functioning, and that has been pretty consistent for years. The only reason I'm not seeking out a professional diagnosis is stigma.
As are odd/eccentric, Bs are dramatic/erratic, Cs are anxious/fearful. Annoying/Batshit/Crazy, if you need a mnemonic like me. (I didn't come up with this, credit to the OCPD kid in my old therapy group that did.)
(Actually, that reminds me. Heads up that my answers here are likely gonna be tinged with cluster A brand stuff bc aside from B I had notably large numbers for paranoid and schizotypal related questions. He never assigned me a cluster, I'm peppered through A/B and was just given Borderline and a copy of my test results back when that went into more detail. o/ )
I was diagnosed shortly after I turned 17 because of sheer severity of my symptoms, to the point where I was only not institutionalized because I never said shit to anyone. So, it does happen, but yeah, as a rule, psych's are hesitant at best to diagnose anyone in their late teens to early 20's. Having a family history of BPD and a long, recurring history of abuse contributed to my diagnosis, though. Also yeah adding on to @TheMockingCrows - My answers are from a severe cluster B diagnosis and either cluster C traits or undiagnosed PD. (Probably got DPD, but whatever)
Oh, wait, uh. Is it okay to "like" things here in this specific thread that I relate to, or is that also an invalidation thing?
I don't personally feel like it'd be invalidating at all since it's a question/answer kinda setup. So consider this an invitation to poke anything I post freely at least, though I imagine overall it'd be fine with others once they chime in too? If not then, uh, I guess they'd correct that assumption.
oh, would like to observe to everyone here that my answers for any of my PDs will most probably be tinged by effects of my other PDs. for reference, I have: - BPD - ASPD - STPD - AVPD also traits of DPD, but they're not quite as heavily active as they used to be.
I've never met anyone comorbid with these two. How does ASPD's lack of empathy combine with BPD's overactive empathy?
ASPD wins in that one. I have no empathy. and I can never relate to those BPD feels about being overempathetic. I can imitate those feels for a post, because Give Me Attention, but I don't actually understand the feels.
actually, um. @ASPD Anon I have a question! well, more along the lines of "I have a question leading up to a question leading up to a question" but. yes. questions. do you mind if I ask you these questions? they are all PD-related, I'm just thinking your experience of ASPD is most probably different from what mine has been, and I'm curious what your experiences have been, if you don't mind my asking! I am generally interested in seeing what the experiences of other people have been when we share a personality disorder. I like to compare and contrast.
Sure thing, hit me. I wasn't the traditional ODD -> CD -> ASPD path, but I did get clinical diagnoses for CD and ASPD so I think that makes me fairly typical.
