ask anything about DID

I just wish she'd picked something else to set on fire
like maybe the forest, or the first house I build that I spent much less time on....
but oh well. rebuilding it is. here we go. and thanks.

 

She also said that you might like checking out the Kintsugi Minecraft server

 

that would be hella cool, if our Minecraft wasn't lagging horribly for some reason....
and I've done, like, everything, and nothing's fixing it.

 

I FIXED THE MINECRAFT
and it only took like two hours

 

so....I've been thinking, and talking to a dissociative specialist, and I'm....not sure integration is the right thing for the system anymore? I....don't know what to do.

 

Whyso, if you want to expand? And sympathies either way for confusion and hard decisions.

 

well....the dissociation specialist I talked to told me a few things:

• integration only sticks in 1/3 of the cases. there's a very good chance that even if we all successfully integrate, people will start coming back at some point.
• only those who don't know much about DID advocate for integration as much as my psychiatrist is.
• if everyone isn't on board with integration, then it's not going to stick. and I can't get everyone on board. it's just not happening.
• integration is hard to force, and it's really difficult even when you're not forcing it.
• you're better off trying to get to know your alters, open up communication, and learn to function together.

the first three make me feel sort of like....why bother? why bother, if it's so unlikely to stick and so hard to force and also impossible to stick when forced? I'm not going to get everyone in the system on board and that's a simple fact--the little kids regard it as tantamount to death, and nothing I say will convince them otherwise, so they're never going to agree. some of my other alters have made friends with people, and they don't want to go, and I certainly don't want to force them. and the last one, I've been trying to do that, but mostly for the purpose of integration. but....I'm also honestly not sure I want them to go anymore? I....am starting to not mind them.

 

.....but at the same time, there are so many variables to consider. how would we handle dating? how would we handle a job? how would we handle school? how would we tell people? would we tell people? do we just all continue to pretend to be the same person? if my alters are sticking around, I want them to be able to live their lives as much as possible....but I don't know how to achieve that. basically: how would we handle life??

 

Maybe integrate with some of the ones who are okay with integrating? I dunno, seems like it could help making stuff a bit easier, but I don't know much about this.

 

could help? I don't know. it's just....everyone in the system are friends now, and I feel like integrating with some of them will lead some of the others to resent me, especially in particular cases. like...Kas and Gwen? they're one of our three in-system couples. Gwen's fine with integrating. Kas is not. I feel like taking Kas's girlfriend would be a not-great idea. Kas is....prickly.

 

I don't know what to suggest. If it were me then not integrating would be a non-option for me, but then, you're not me. It's up to you of course, and I don't think there's anything "bad" about not doing it if that's what makes you (all of you) the most comfortable. Life and existence are as how find and define them, after all, and multiplicity can of course be a part of that diversity. That said, obviously there are some real issues that the whole situation causes for you... so I guess my advice would be, make sure you are choosing the path that you really want, and don't lose hope if the path that you do want seems difficult to traverse. :V good luck with everything

 

Also remember that at the end of the day it is sort of your mind and body and your alters are... not so much interlopers, but like, they're part of you. You came first, as it were. So I don't feel like they should be able to tell you what you should or should not do, because after all, you are you, and also you are them... if that makes sense.

At least, that would be my perspective I think

 

all of what you said is true. I just....I honestly don't know what I want. the others know what they want, but....I have no idea what I want. I....don't want to make a hasty decision, but I also don't know what to do, I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because if people refuse to integrate it's nearly impossible to force them into it, and it's impossible to make it stick if not everyone's on board. I...I liked it when I had my mind to myself, or thought I did. and when I first found out, I wanted that back, I wanted my mind to myself. now I feel....confused and I don't know what I want. and I don't know how to figure it out. there are so many issues with logistics with them staying, but just as many issues pop up with trying to force them all to go. and...we've made friends with two other people with DID now, both of whom are older than me and have opted not to integrate, and they keep saying that integration isn't good, that it's not good for the system, and that you can survive just fine and learn to manage things as a system, but it feels so....pressure-y when they talk about it, like if we integrate they'll stop being friends with us because they disapprove our choice. my choice. and....I just don't know, I don't know what to do. everything the dissociation specialist said makes me think twice about trying to force it, but I'm so confused about what I want and I just don't know.

 

Maybe take some time to think about it? Tell your psychiatrist what the specialist said and that you need time to consider things. It´s not the sort of decision you want to make hastily or let yourself be pressured into. This is Your mind we´re talking about and in the end you (all of you) need to live with what you decide, not your psychiatrist and not the other systems.

 

that is very true....
I think I'll take some time to think about it. maybe start seeing a dissociative disorder therapist or specialist regularly, talk to them about it. make a pros and cons list.

 

okay and now to share a happy thing
I told a person that I have a gigantic crush on about me having DID
they took it really, really well!! they even want to meet the others and know their names and everything!

 

Congratulations!

 

thankssssssssss I'm just
aaaaaaaaa I'm so happy
and I even told them I'm not sure about integration anymore
and they said they support whatever decision I make in the end, no matter what that decision is

 

They seem to be a good, keep them.

 

they are very much a good. they are sweet and understanding and wonderful and supportive, and I love them.