ask anything about PD (pedophilic disorder)

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by doro, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    *taps mic* ah, so i hear a lot of dumb chatter and misinformation on tumblr about what is pedophilic and what makes someone a pedophile. hint: shipping something doesnt make you a pedophile. put your hand down patrick, mayonaise is not an instrument. so, since i am a pedophile and know quite a bit about the topics surrounding it, i figure i should make myself available to answer any questions. i will be 100% honest and will answer any and all questions raised (hopefully in a timely manner ehehe ^^"). but first, i will answer some frequently asked ones just to get them out of the way and to not get shouted at:

    Q: who tf are you?
    A: i am doro. im an 18 year old MAP (minor attracted person: umbrella term to include anyone who is attracted to minors, not just prepubescent ones). my age of attraction is to boys from the age of 4 up to age ~60ish. im what they call non-exclusive since i am attracted to adults in addition to children. in fact im more attracted to adults than i am minors. i can go into further detail on my AoA if asked.

    Q: are you a child molester? should the FBI know about you???
    A: no, i have never touched a kid nor have i ever downloaded or distributed child pornography. i am staunchly anti-contact and am harsh on any of my peers who advocate raping children, even reporting one of my followers. full disclosure though, i do read shota manga online and i used to reblog some of it on my nsfw blog; i dont anymore.

    i think that just about what i feel i need to cover. ask away :3
    • Like x 6
  2. Hobo


    What's your opinion of non-offending MAPs who download (actual) child porn? Does your answer change if they don't want to stop downloading CP and think it's nbd?
  3. Aondeug

    Aondeug Cringe Annoying Ass Female Lobster

    I just want to say that I respect you quite a bit.
    • Like x 2
    • Agree x 1
  4. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    i think MAPs who download (actual) CP are still doing something really immoral, no matter what their attitude about it is. obviously its even worse if they think CP is nbd, but its only really a problem for their mental health and lawfulness going forward. by downloading CP, they are contributing to the demand for content even if they arent paying for it. and CP, needless to say, is very bad because at worst its child abuse and at best its a serious invasion of a minors privacy (and still illegal). the very least they could do is switch to fictional material like art or 3D renderings. (personally 2D boys > 3D boys any day. real kids kinda suck)

    i would say that i would have more sympathy for it maybe if they were exclusive, but sympathy doesnt mean i wouldnt report them if theyre distributing and if they are at the point where they have to see irl CP to get off, then they need to seek help from professionals. which is a whole 'nother can of worms because of mandatory reporting laws, but id be willing to help them find help in their area and make sure confidentiality is watertight (i have a system in place for nonoffending MAPs who come into my inbox).

    thank you ^^
    • Like x 4
  5. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Two questions:

    1. Are you doing okay? At least two people have written me to say they thought you were in immediate danger of hurting yourself in the last hour.
    2. When did you first figure out that you were minor-attracted?
  6. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    1) yes im okay. a bit shaken up since i got some people trying to bait me, but its nothing new really. i dont have any plans to self harm today.
    2) well, ive been attracted to minors even since puberty started when i was like 10; i was attracted to my peers but, like now, mostly to adults. the next step was discovering shota and tr*p manga in freshman year. thats where i first learned i was attracted to younger kids. well, i wont say i exactly learned that because it took me until very late sophomore year to actually realize "oh shit im into kids. im a pedophile" so i figured it out when i was 15 going on 16.
  7. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Damn, that's rough. Do you have any functional support or therapy available? I don't know where you live, and I know some places are way better about that than others.
    • Like x 1
  8. Void

    Void on discord. Void#4020

    Hi I don't have a question but I want to say you're awesome and I appreciate the effort you go to. You do more to keep kids safe than most people I've seen crusading against drawn art, and it's really incredible.
    • Like x 1
    • Agree x 1
  9. WithAnH

    WithAnH Space nerd

    Can you talk a little bit about navigating mental health care and mandatory reporting laws? I remember listening to a long segment (on This American Life, I think) a few years back that touched on the barriers non-offending MAPs face in accessing effective therapy... What's the process of finding a therapist like?
    • Like x 1
  10. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    yes. i am a part of two online support forums: virped and B4U-ACT. i heavily prefer the latter since its a much more closed group. ive got nothing in terms of irl therapy, though thats not necessarily because of lack of access; i live near a big city do itd probably be easier for me than most to find a therapist. no, im without therapy mostly because ive mostly got things in check. the only real reason things got bad was because i did something that was so out of my comfort zone and then rinny decided to be awful again. before that fiasco started, i was pretty content with how my PD was interacting with my daily life (i.e. not very much). i mostly have the things that a therapist would be able to fix already fixed. and also, even if there are some things that a professional can fix, the risk and cost of things going wrong with them is waaaaaay too big for it to be worth it.

    that being said, more resources and choices is always better. if you can message me with the places you know id be very grateful.
    • Like x 1
  11. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I don't really know of any, unfortunately. About all I know is that there's not a heck of a lot around.
  12. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Would you be able to elaborate on the distinction between PD/MAP, OCD type paranoia around the possibility of hurting children, and non-pedophiles who molest children? My understanding is that the vast majority of people committing childhood sexual abuse are not pedophiles in the attraction sense, and that many people who worry about abusing children are dealing with OCD style intrusive thoughts instead of actual attraction. How do people in these various support communities suss out who is experiencing what?
    • Like x 6
  13. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    is it bad that i know exactly which This American Life youre talking about, what number it is, and could probably quote many parts of it? heh, it was kinda really important to me back when i first started to identify, along with the blog i heard about it on, the now deleted ask-a-pedophile.

    and gladly. mental health care is very hard for MAPs, whether theyre offending or nonoffending, to find professional help largely due to mandatory reporting laws and societal stigma. just to be clear, mandatory reporting laws are very important and bring about a lot of justice for victims of abuse. the problem comes in when societal stereotypes, stigma, and myth comes into play. confidentiality must be broken to report abuse when, to quote the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services's Children's Bureau's Child Welfare Information Gateway (long source is long):
    "Typically, a report must be made when the reporter, in his or her official capacity, suspects or has reason to believe that a child has been abused or neglected. Another standard frequently used is in situations in which the reporter has knowledge of, or observes a child being subjected to, conditions that would reasonably result in harm to the child"​
    okay, so how does this keep MAPs from getting care? well, as you mayve heard from the runner of a certain archive lately, many believe that being a pedophile immediately implies that you are a danger to any children around you. it is completely up to the professional whether confidentiality can be broken to report, and once confidentiality is broken, its pretty much game over for your reputation. even if the case is dismissed, have fun getting jobs and talking to family.

    so what is a MAP in peril to do? get help finding the right professional for them. finding a professional on this site is a good place to start learning about the professionals in your area. from there, you have to figure out whether this professional is right for you; a more daunting task than one might think! this is a good guide for finding the right professional for sex-related problems (Dr. Doe is the best <3). especially important tips for MAPs from the video, CALL FIRST! this is THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP in finding out if you would be in danger of being reported. ive got a guide for must ask questions when talking to a professional in my drafts, but ill give an overview for now:

    "hello my name is [first name only] (alternatively you can do the old, "im calling for a someone else or client/friend of mine if you are scared). im calling to ask some questions about your services. (segway to ask these questions of the therapist) do you have experience or know professionals who have experience with pedophilic disorder or other paraphilic disorders? under what circumstances would you break confidentiality? would you break confidentiality if a client were to admit to having pedophilic attractions? would you break confidentiality if a client were to admit to having abused a child? (say goodbye and that youll call them back)"

    this is still very rough, possibly a bit much, and i have yet to test it, but it covers all i think you need to know about the attitudes a professional has surrounding PD. if there is hesitance or if something sounds wrong, then gracefully ask if there is any other professional that they know that can help. a lot of this will be a lot like "the vagina test" that Dr Doe talks about. are they uncomfortable when you say the word pedophile? are YOU uncomfortable? dont settle if it doesnt feel like they could help you, that can be dangerous.

    does this sound rough? yeah, it really is. there is an organization trying to make this easier on MAPs though: ASAP International. its run by Gary Gibson, who ive met over the B4U-ACT forum. this page lists professionals from the US and a few other select countries, and also has a form to meet with a professional over skype. i also recommend getting in touch with Gary himself because he was able to get me pointed in the right direction for professionals in my area which wasnt listed there.

    whew, so yeah, quite the process right? and to think it was tough finding a therapist for trans stuff. heh, that was cake compared to this. i probably over-answered this, but hey, thats my specialty ^3^
    • Like x 6
  14. yyy

    yyy New Member

    So I kno you're not planning to hurt anyone; have you met people with PD who have harmed children (but know it was messed up and vow never to do so again), or felt like they inevitably will (but know its wrong and are scared of doing so)? If so, did you do anything about it? Basically I'm intrested in the line where reporting takes precedence, when current intent not to harm is taken into consideration yet there's also risk of future abuse or instances of past abuse. What is the general opinion of MAP communities you've encountered on this, if you think you can summarize it?
    • Like x 1
  15. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    well, ive met pretty much the entire spectrum of people youre talking about. ive had an anon that told me that they had abused a child and seen a user on VirPed that talked about having done so decades ago. in both cases, i refused to engage with them; the user, while he expressed deep remorse and is now on the straight and narrow, i didnt want to talk to, and the anon i at first panicked a bit because i had a criminal confession in my inbox which i deleted because what could the FBI or any law agency do about an anon anyway? in any case, ive never had an offending MAP come into my inbox, but i would report them without question or hesitation. i dont tolerate child abuse.

    ive more than met people who messaged me about how they were struggling with their PD and were afraid theyd hurt a kid, i was that person. people kept on telling me that it was inevitable and i even started to believe them. that, however, was absolute hogwash, and i tell those in my messages that much too. that if they are going to abuse a child, its because they CHOSE to, not because it was inevitable. so when people come in with a vague fear of hurting children, i teach them accountability. i also ask if theres a specific situation that made them reach out to me. i havent had anyone tell me of one yet. so for people like them, if they dont talk about an themselves as an immediate threat to a child, i give them advice and steer them in the right direction. i suppose im a bit more lenient on these nonoffending MAPs because i used to be one of them. i wont pretend im not biased towards their innocence. i am. i hadnt considered this before, but im not sure what it would take for me to forgive myself if a kid ends up hurt because of my inaction. itd need to be something pretty intense. bike accident maybe

    i probably should be more harsh, but my line is the line between offending and nonoffending. i have a lot of faith in people; i dont know if thats a flaw or not yet.

    as for my opinion on different MAP communities:

    MAP tumblr:
    • pretty good
    • its small but tight knit, brought together by adversity
    • good for educating the public but suffers because of that too because of the occasional onslaught of antis and nazis/neo-nazis (yes, that really happened)
    i hear MAP twitter is good but a lot like regular twitter, im not on there.

    VirPed (virtuous pedophile forums):
    • big and bustling
    • not very personal
    • the population is pretty homogenous and very much the stereotype (straight guys in their 40s)
    • because of its large population there are some unsavory characters like past offenders and nonoffending pro-contact people (GROSS)
    • i dont go on often (read: i never actually posted anything)
    B4U-ACT forum:
    • small and quiet
    • very varied population (lots of different ages, quite a few queer and/or neurodivergent people, includes mental health professionals!!)
    • too quiet
    • people are there for help and it can feel a bit awkward when you try and be more informal
    • has a very clear code of ethics and values
    MAP skype groups:
    • personal and energetic
    • can be very fun and cathartic to talk in a way that you know will be between friends
    • a safe, private place to shed the shame and just talk happily about people you find attractive because attraction is a happy thing before the shame
    • i can share my art! :D
    • best in moderation
    • you gotta be choosy: no one too uptight no one too lax with morals
    Out of all of these, tumblr is my favorite place for MAP stuff. it feels......important what i do there.
    • Like x 1
  16. Void

    Void on discord. Void#4020

    Actually I'm curious. In the rules of some of those places, do people there report if someone has said they are touching kids?
    • Like x 1
  17. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    VirPed says this on their rules page:
    "WE CANNOT ALLOW ADMISSIONS OF PAST ILLEGAL ACTIVITY that is not already known to law enforcement. This includes admissions of illegal viewing or possession of child pornography. Although past illegal acts may weigh on people's minds, we cannot afford to be a place law enforcement might go to track down criminal activity."​
    B4U-ACT says this above very comment box as rule #4:
    "4. Do not talk about unlawful behavior on the part of anyone unless it has been adjudicated."
    its my understanding that violating any of the rules just gets you booted off the forum or your post deleted, like so (he violated rule number 1 on B4U-ACT by posting this dumb pro-contact video "for discussion." the comments ended up being "wtf?" "i second that wtf" and the mod saying "im deleting this.")
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2016
    • Like x 3
  18. Acey

    Acey hand extended, waiting for a shake

    Seconding everyone who has expressed admiration for you. It's gotta be incredibly hard to deal with, and I must say, you seem to be dealing with it like a champ. Massive kudos, yo.

    Also, a question regarding your attraction to adults. Do you have trouble dating (within your peer group, of course) as a result of your disorder?
    • Like x 1
  19. doro

    doro Collector of Unfortunate Sexualities

    thank you <3

    i have no clue whether this is related to my PD, but im aromantic. ive never really felt romantic attraction to someone, and if i did it is miniscule enough that i didnt even notice. as a result, i dont really pursue anyone romantically, i do however have many close friends, one of which ive had sex with. i could go into details on why that didnt work out but its a long story (tl;dr: the sex wasnt great and he liked me romantically).

    as for the "in my age group" part of the question, my peers tbh are not very attractive. theyre kinds still between the phases of really hot adults and adorkable kids, so im not as attracted to my peers as i am people older or younger than me. heres the little list of attractions i have on my B4U-ACT profile:

    [​IMG] (the lighter it is, the less intense the attraction. the pink one is cause im a Kinsey 5 lol)

    so honestly i dont think my attraction to minorsll give me any trouble dating others. the only real trouble comes up if theyre single parents with attractive kids, yanno? and if thats the case, idgaf if youre a greek god among men, ill be moving on, sorry, not chancing it, bye. ((lol lowkey, im really excited for college where everyone will be of age and now I will be the cute freshman! ehehehe ^q^))
    • Like x 1
  20. Acey

    Acey hand extended, waiting for a shake

    That makes sense! Thanks for explaining. :)

    (And yeah, late teens = VERY awkward appearance time for many people. :P)
    • Like x 1
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