ask anything about PD (pedophilic disorder)

Right. I used to be in a group chat for shotacons and me and one friend were the only MAPs out of all of them. One of them explained that they read and draw it to cope with CSA, but other than that people just sorta liked it.

It seems nowadays everyone has to have some deeply personal reason for liking something ("I like Princess Tutu because I was attacked by a duck once as a kid and subconsciously..."). No. you don't have to psychoanalyze every facet of your media consumption. Ffs, I'm gay and 75% of the porn I watch is straight. Why? I don't know! It just is.

The thing is, I don't have to justify any part of my sexuality to anyone. Literally 0 people. I could shut down dorothemap, mappositivity, my B4U-ACT account, my MAP forum account, and this account and boom, I never have to talk about being a MAP ever again. The thing is though, there are MAPs out there who have to deal with a harsh, cruel critic: their mental illness. Pedophilic disorder destroys a person's self worth, self image, and (most frighteningly) sense of self efficacy. The sense of overwhelming shame and the delusion of being fated to hurt a child, driven to it's extremes leaves the best of them to self destruction and the worst to a life of crime. So I share my struggle against shame and the delusion of destiny that others push upon me publicly. The idea that I was even able to save one person is still crazy and overwhelming to me, but it makes the crazy justifications I have to do to others easily worth it.
((This post got off topic...)

 

Glad you're still hanging in there, dude.

 

How did you and the other MAP in the shota chat find out about each other? Like, how did that conversation go? Did the other members of the chat know about you?

 

We met each other after bonding over a dumb comment an anti-shipper left in the hisogon tag. From there we chatted about shota stuff and they were eventually the first person I told about being a MAP. The both of us joined the shotacon chat together, and I told the people straight away that I was a MAP and that if that made them uncomfy I could leave. They were fine with it as long as I kept it about shota and not irl kids. B (let's call them B) didn't say anything because they weren't completely sure about whether or not they were attracted to kids. I'm not sure if B ever told anyone other than me, which is why I'm not even using the name I call them online. I'm not really in touch with them anymore since the chat kinda fizzled out around a year and a half ago. I still follow their main on my main tho ^^

 

Man... the HunterxHunter fandom is just not a good place for people who can't handle nuance and difficult topics. It's not for everyone, folks, and that's okay.

 

That makes sense. I think for me, part of it is that I like depictions of het sex, but hate depictions of big breasts, and almost all hentai with adult women reeally emphasizes their breasts (and I don't watch live action porn, so no help there). The component of any kind of porn that arouses me most is power imbalances, so lolicon/shota play easily into that too. Sighs.

 

I hear ya. I'm not a fan of tig anime bitties either; they're often just really extra and flop like they're trying to fly away.

I'd still suggest diversifying tho. The internet'a a big place with lots of porn. Explore as you see fit.

 

what exactly is the correct course of action to take when a blog posting actual child pornography sends your best friend a message saying happy birthday.

i'm not talking fictional characters, this blog is posting photos of real children

 

I think you can put in a report here to get it to the proper authorities, hopefully.

eta: also i somehow forgot to say: yikes, I hope your friend is okay! that's all kindsa horrible.

 

Spoiler: REDACTED

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THIS REPLY WAS MEANT FOR A DIFFERENT THREAD AND I NEED TO STOP KEEPING 4 REPLY SCREENS OPEN IN TABS RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER omg I'm really sorry

 

Lol okay. I was kinda confused for a second, but kinda just...let it be. Like, okay then

 

I actually WAS composing a reply to you, but it kind of evolved so I put it in a thread more appropriate to telling long stories.

If you would like to read about my adventures with a fictional pedophile who is helping me figure out my OCD, it's over here now. ^^;

 

Uwah, I haven't nor do I think I should read Lolita. I'm sure it's a great book, but I don't handle children being mistreated well. Plus, I try to keep away from anything that might contain a pro-contact rhetoric. ^^"

 

While it is not pro-contact when nuances are caught (like the narrator is a bit of a fibber and twists things a bit to justify his position) it is really easy to get the wrong feel from it. The fact that he is an unreliable narrator is presented well enough for the majority of readers to grasp it, but for someone with a pre-disposition to the appeal it would probably be a bad read.

EDIT to fix bad wording that's probly still bad