Aud's House of Nonsense 8)

...............

i've been having headaches all week and chalking them up to anxiety and stuff

and then just now i looked at my coffee

and right underneath the label said the following tiny almost invisible word

d e c a f

 

i've been drinking BLASPHEMY

 

this Apartment Inspection Season I am, as always, grateful beyond words for dear friends with working noses who will tell me what my place smells like and also what the nice air fresheners smell like.



Also to dear friends who provide me with ACTUAL COFFEE, IT'S IN MY VEINS, I HAVE POURED IT ON MY NAKED BRAIN TO APPEASE THE GODS OF JAVA

HLLAAGHHLAUHLUAHGHLAGH

 

Bea: *spots maddening housefly sitting on the chair cushion*
Bea: *creep* *natter* *NATTER* O_O
Bea: *s l o w l y l i f t s p a w*
Bea: *PROCEEDS TO USELESSLY BAT AT THE FLY AND SEND IT BUZZING ALL OVER THE PLACE INSTEAD OF I DUNNO EATING IT*

 

mmhh ok

I have scrubbed the bathroom and hallway and kitchen floors with lemony soap, polished the sink and toilet and shower and the mirror, scrubbed the counters and kitchen sink and stove, wiped down the inside of the fridge and the microwave, and now all I have to do is take out the trash and this little extra thing where I sprinkle baking soda on the carpet, leave it for a short while, and vacuum it back up. I don't think it direly needs it, given Barb's assessment, but it can't hurt. I also got a refill for the automatic diffuser thingum that's "linen" scented. I dunno if it's even remotely similar to linen or what even linen is supposed to smell like, but I want to go for "clean" instead of "sickeningly cloying bomb that's obviously covering something up time to evict Aud for scent crimes let us put her in jail for 1000 years".

Speaking of scents, my emotional support candle that I would light when I was feeling nervous about apartment smells has finally bit the dust. RIP apple candle, Luka said you smelled good. <3

But yes. Bluh. All that sounds like a lot, but I'd been largely keeping up with things so it wasn't as gnarly as it could have been.

It's nice to get it all done a day early though. I think tomorrow if it's not too gross out I'll go have a coffee downtown or something.

 

Seconding Jesse re: linen scent being a good choice! It’s mild and unobtrusive enough that it’s unlikely to bother anyone with scent sensitivities (or scensetivities), and it’s very specifically intended to smell Fresh And Clean, so it seems about perfect for what you need. :D

Also, apologies if this is an obtrusive question, and I’m not sure if I’ve asked it and forgotten tbh, but how does anosmia affect your sense of taste (assuming you have any idea there)? Like, smell and taste seem pretty closely linked from what I recall, but it doesn’t sound like you don’t have a sense of taste, so I’m deeply curious!

 

Ooh not at all! :D I have congenital anosmia, which means the whole taste/smell thing never really got a chance to link up. (This means when I get colds I can still taste everything. BRING ON THE HORRIBLE MEDICINE BLEAUGH) Sometimes people who can smell lose their sense of smell when they're all stuffed up or have a head injury or a stroke or whatnot, and since they've been smelling all their lives up to that point, they lose their taste too, which I am told REALLY SUCKS and I always feel really bad for them.

But yeah as far as I know, I taste most stuff just fine. I'm kind of at a loss for floral things--like, I couldn't tell you the difference between jasmine green tea and normal green tea, or between vanilla ice cream and rose ice cream. From what I can tell (according to what I've been told anyway) you sort of have to smell the flower part to also taste it? But I dunno how delicate rose or jasmine is, or if folks with working noses also have trouble picking it up.

Also I can't smell mint but I can FEEL mint so I always really really like minty lotions and shampoos and stuff.

Thank you for describing the linen smells for me folks, it's really good to know. 8)

 

Floral tastes are REALLY strong for me, both rose and jasmine so needing to smell them to taste them sounds like a working theory.

It's really cool to learn that there's more separation than we think though, if you grow up without the one.

And on the one hand you get to taste the icky medicine. On the other, you do get to enjoy the Healing Soups without adding eight pounds of garlic to get through the taste fog. :P

 

Yeah~ Like, on the one hand, I can't smell the wonderful cereal baking from the Malt O' Meal. (but luka often tells me if it's chocolate or cinnamon or marshmallow mateys)

But on the other hand I don't have to fear the perfume section in the mall or deal with Suddenly Cow Poo every time we drive past a farm, so I think it more or less balances out.

and I can't tell you how many times in Bellingham we'd walk by some hotboxed car and everyone would go "AAUGGHH IT SMELLS LIKE BAD WEED" and I would just be so quietly relieved X)

And it results in some really interesting conversations, like, people tell me what stuff smells like! And why it smells like that! And why they like it or dislike it! It's really cool. (And sometimes really bizarre--I've been told dog paw pads smell exactly like corn chips. WILD!) Sometimes I like reading BPAL reviews just to get an idea of what smells do, (or at least the perfumey kinds anyway) All those mysterious "notes" and "undertones"... 8)

 

That’s super interesting, thank you so much for explaining! :D

 

Apparently there’s a bacteria that grows in dog paw pads and makes them smell like corn chips! My aunt always tells her dog she has “frito feet” when this happens :P

 

Ooh and re: BPAL perfume notes/undertones/etc, it's always struck me as fascinating that at least in English we have such a limited vocabulary for describing scents that we usually end up having to borrow terms for auditory or visual experiences, but maybe that makes it slightly easier to imagine the experience of the smell?

I have a really strong sense of smell myself and have ranted at length to @paladinkit and my sib in law about the sad lack of words to describe scents that I pick up and they might be but aren't sure if what they're smelling is what I'm talking about, so reading about the workarounds you all have set up is really interesting. C: Thank for sharing!

 

Me: Ok, my place is as clean and charming as I know how to make it, time to think of something else besides inspection

Also Me: YOU WANT CHICKEN WINGS YOU WANT CHICKEN WINGS YOU WANT CHICKEN WINGS HOT SPICY CHICKEN WINGS WINGY WINGY WINGY WINGS EXPLODE YOUR HEAD WITH CHICKEN WINGS CHICKY CHICKY CHICKEN WINGS EAT A LOT OF CHICKEN WAAAAAAAAANGS

 

dammit now I want chicken wings too *shakes fist*

 

Inspection complete, all is well save for a dinky little water spot they'll probably show up at 9:00 in the morning some random Saturday to fix. Now for dollar store chocolate and an adorable weensy perfect bottle of sparkling white grape juice, I am totally taking those on a picnic one day.

Aahh, I'm so glad that's over. Thank you again to @Vast Derp and @rorleuaisen for saving my butt.





... Hi Bea, would you like dinner?

 

Looking good! Please pet Bea from me and tell her she´s a pretty kitty.

 

Will do. <3