Back on my bullshit

rotates mara at speed

One step in and I'm three drinks deep
Watering that big secret I keep
If nobody knows (knows)
The bigger it grows (grows)

And no-one knows the difference 'tween my laughter and my screams
When everyone around me's twenty shots under the sea
And I can't tell if I'm drowning or floating
So I just keep on going (going)

[...]
I can't wait, I can't wait
To lose all my friends in one night!
I can't wait, I can't wait
To ruin the rest of my life!

 

gently folds country into Acanthus' list, baffling the algorithm one genre at a time

Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face

Go and fix your make-up, girl
It’s just a break up, run and
Hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better
Gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart

 

bored and collecting the beat lyrics of all the unhinged shit in Acanthus' playlist

Spoiler

It's hard to be charming and smart and disarming, it's hard to pretend you're the best
It's hard to fulfill everyone's expectations, it's hard to keep up with the rest
But I'm gonna win
I'm gonna try
I'll never lose
I'll never die
You've seen me before
You'll see me again
I'll never give up
I'll never give in
'Til I'm bloody and bruised
'Til I've broken my bones
'Til I won't be abused
'Til I'm laughing alone

Look at history, open the books
There are statues with great looks
There are gods, there are kings
I'm pretty sure I'm the same thing
Beyond boundaries, beyond rules

I wanna make decisions, want you to believe
I wanna be a hero for the man in need
I want to be a gentleman, I want to be free
So if you wanna live forever, come with me!

It doesn't take a killer to murder
It only takes a reason to kill
We've all got evidence of innocence
It's 'everything's coincidence'
The difference 'twixt fate and free will
Is whether you're singing 'ooooh, could you take a look at me?
Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?'
Oooh, whatever you think of me
If you were in my shoes
You'd walk the same damn miles I do!

I'm not a criminal
I'm not the villain
Yeah, this is personal
A drive-by killing
Your guns are loaded
And your lies are the bullets
So here is the trigger
Go ahead and pull it, now
Are you sure you wanna play this game?
Are you sure you wanna play it?
The only thing worse than a hater
The only thing worse than a hater
Is a traitor, a traitor, a traitor

A beast in the business of selling forgiveness
Dead eyes on a treacherous grin
Yet he laps up the vice like a wolf in the night
He's the left hand of God on the stage
[...]
And I'll give you a show, it helps fill the seats
So give me your sins, give me your lies
But whisper your love, and I'll whisper mine

I got some bad addiction, baby
It's you, yeah, yeah, that's right
And I feel you takin' over me
Could love be a lady in here tonight?
My odds are stacked
I've never been a gambling man
I've never had the winning hand
But for you I'd lose it all

The carnival's marked, the games are all rigged
The banker, the broker, the mayor, the pigs
It's not so much a town as a broken merry-go-round
She keeps on twisting, drilling herself into the ground
We're all on the ride, and we're running out of time
But I'm stopping it here, it's the end of my line
(love you kirkwall <3)

Stopping's not an option
When your goals are anything like mine
You've put up a fight
Tearing at the inseam
Watching everything falling apart
Won't keep me from my dream
Nobody stands a chance here in my way
Is it so wrong to be selfish for a change?

Beware, beware, be skeptical
Of their smiles, their smiles of plated gold
Deceit so natural
But a wolf in sheep's clothing
Is more than a warning
Baa baa, black sheep, have you any soul?
No sir, by the way, what the hell are morals?

You say you wanna tear right through me
I welcome you to try
(Kiss me, kiss me)
I wanna see your teeth, girl, lemme see you grind

I'm tellin' you
You bit off more than you can chew
And I am every bit as bad as you've heard
I will call your bluff and turn up the cards
Your pretty face ain't enough to burden my heart
Devil help you girl 'cause soon you're gonna see
You shouldn't mess with a demon like me

If I taste you will we know
If love kills or makes you whole?
Tears you open, takes you home
You have the thing I love
But the fear in me is way too much
If I open wide
One of us may get lost inside

My love is the killing kind
Nevermore to leave here, nevermore to leave here
Try and try to let you go
And I'll just disappear
Go down below
Where children go
And we all float down here
Singin' 'I know, I know, I know, I know
I know my love can be-'

I've been waiting for this moment
For such a long time
And wouldn't you know it
You're finally mine
If you're hurting
Please show it
Don't be afraid to cry
And just for my enjoyment you will suffer
Suffer
I'm a master of torture
It gets me high
To show you the horror
Of staying alive

Never did care for waiting
I better like compensating
And Mama just taught me one thing:
Sewing stitches just like a madame
Living is overwhelming
Dying might just be one thing
And Papa just taught me one thing:
Take things into your own hands

It takes Paul Own five minutes to die
Another thirty to stop bleeding
I know, because I time it.

I never knew how patient I could be
Until I watched you bleed
There's nothing I can take from you
That means what she did to me
Every word from your fucking mouth
Is like bringing wood to a burning house
And we'll be here all night 'til ashes are all we breathe
So I'll take a drop for every hour she'll never dance
I'll hide a piece in every city she'll never see
I know that this won't bring her back
And I'll never find relief
So the last drop
Oh, the last drop
The last drop is for me!

They'll go crazy when I've made it
And what does 'made it' even mean?
All hail!
I'll never be your king
I'll never be your king
I'll never be your[...]
Why would you even build a pedestal or beautiful throne
If it's not your own?

 

rotating this blast from the past for some reason, even though DT is well and truly dead

more specifically, contemplating how fucking bizarre it would seem to a ship full of mostly-verbal people to have what 'should' be a screaming fight across a huge chunk of the ship in just. utter silence. soundtrack of combat noises while they telepathically shriek at each other and No One Else. no context, only wanton destruction, and immensely likely to derail if interrupted with the both of them turning (violently :')) on an external 'threat', ie security showing up like "stop wrecking the ship we are In Space"

 

I don't wanna write the fic I want to see in the world, I want it to already be written so I can read it as a bedtime story :(
there is a criminal lack of Elliott Getting Pegged on AO3

 

"oh right, that's the skull" and other things to say while packing

 

mara's playlist has two vibes and it's [hedonistic party rock] + [trauma]

Spoiler: Selected Lyrics

One step in and I'm three drinks deep / watering that big secret I keep / If nobody knows (knows) / the bigger it grows (grows) / and no one knows the difference 'tween my laughter and my screams

I've been in chains since I was / nothing but a kid / We don't know freedom / Not quite sure that we ever did / Now that we have it / how will we make use of it?

These aren't my people, these aren't my friends / That's when she grabbed my face and said / I like that you're broken, broken like me / Maybe that makes me a fool

Drink, I've had too much to think / Just tell me now, babe / is this seat taken now? / What's this? The consequences of my actions?

She said she's been inside too long / (No shit, could you tell us something new?) / You can tell he's lying 'cause his lips move

---

It's just the way that I am, I'm a mess and it's literal / Got a hole in my heart, gonna fill it with chemicals / So I drove to my cousin's, I was feelin' like shit/ 'Til I walked through the door and then my energy flipped / Another day in paradise, I'm high with my friends / It's what I did last night, I think I'll do it again

We gotta turn up the crazy / Livin' like a washed-up celebrity / shootin' fireworks like it's Fourth Of July / until we feel alright

---

I did not paint a face on a sleepin' guard / Well, convention sleeps when the sun goes down / So copper, try and catch me now! / Didn't I paint a face on a sleepin' guard?
Crown me the merry lord of misrule / with my cracked mask, late hangover, and a ragged suit / Well, curbside, I crept from sleep / Some stranger left behind his reeds / Crown me the merry lord of this road

Blame the bar for the band / Blame the band for the song / Blame the song for the party that went all night long / But it ain't my fault! / Might'a had a little fun, lotta wrong I've done / but it ain't my fault!

Fire up that fiddle, boy, and give me one last drink / When the sun comes up, I will leave without a fight / But the world is mine tonight

I'm filthy as charged, filthy as charged!
You can't take me anywhere, anywhere / I'm still uninvited, I'm still gonna light it / I'm going insane and I don't care / But whatever they tell you / Dancing's not a crime / 'less you do it without me!

 

help I'm being specifically targeted by books again
I am a simple enby, I see a Creature with terrifying world-ending powers caring about One Person because They Cared About Them, that's my favorite character

 

stick bug is to rick roll as skill issue is to git gud

 

I've mostly been containing my playlist feels to. well. The Playlist, but


Immense Mara Energy

I know you've got scars of your own
But hide my knives before you go
I'll either live or die alone

I(IIIII) swear
I will die trying
I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress
I promise I honestly want to prove improvement's possible
I(IIIII) swear
I'm so fucking sorry!
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all
But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all

And write a FUCKING song about it because it all has to be about Will's FUCKING trauma! GODdammit!

 

god. coming back knowing Chronic Pain Ashton Canon, blue imogen discussion slaps even harder

"You could just... go back to bed and hope it gets better in the morning. It never does, but, yknow."
"I mean, it's not like that could make it worse?"
"Eh... no, it could get worse. But it'll be worse and you'll have slept, so."

 

spotify keeps trying to cram songs from my villain list into maranai's playlist, so now I'm trying to contemplate how he even would be twisted to a villain au
it would be extremely easy to tweak him more burned out, more selfish, more callous, but even on a pure revenge bender he'd still be targeted- a small handful of people could earn his fury, depending on circumstances, but he's not likely to be cruel for cruelty's sake or really even consider himself powerful enough to affect more than a tiny little corner of the world. even spun sideways into "no one will ever have power over me again," he's more like to hie off into solitude than try to make himself someone else's problem; far, far too deep into the flight end of fight-or-flight responses.

 

living the "two people and a shoestring fandom" life
mfw only one person streams a random smp and it is consuming my brain
I need to git gud at painting to make pinups of a minecraft skin

 

once again lamenting my lack of fluency in Every Modern Language
what do you mean only two pages of this collection are in english. I am but a simple nerd and my russian is Not good enough for scholarly articles

 

animal behavior podcast I listen to invited the hosts of a cryptid truther podcast on for a halloween episode and I am picking up so many new diseases for jicama
"I like how his answer to this ['do you actually believe in bigfoot'] was 'no, I don't believe that crazy thing, I believe this other, more crazy thing*" is just so entirely them

(*it was the interdimensional bigfoot theory, as opposed to the Physical Undescribed Animal Species thing)

 

I See, jicama an example of 'so do you believe the moonlanding was faked'
'you think the moon is real?'

 

I mean they are a particle physicist, "reality is an illusion and solidity is questionable" is kind of par for the course fjfjf

 

every time I learn new things about particle physics I get So mad
I Know the observer effect is real but why the FUCK do proton components look different depending on the fucking SHUTTER SPEED of the recording equipment
less maddening but more silly, physicists are not immune to Dumb Names. meet the Babysecond, 10^-23 seconds

 

this paper is supposed to focus on the facial and genetic reconstruction of the individual specimen. but I keep coming back to one line in the pathologic notes that's just

there's that one post about a healed femur being first evidence of social care, but man. 13,000 years ago, somebody broke not their leg, but their skull. and got sick from it. and despite that, they survived a potentially brain-threatening infection, and recovered, and lived another good while.
humans, man.