Back on my bullshit

also if teyo and rat end up the Obligatory Het I will scream

 

like they're both good eggs but I do Not feel the chemistry the author seems to be trying to build
the gay is done so well and this feels.... v phoned in comparatively

 

like, compare to Hte Gay above

it's.... sweet, I guess, but 1) it doesn't have the emotional oomph of Chandra "THAT'S MY FUCKING GIRL" Nalaar or Ral "abandoning the Literal Apocalypse to check on my husband" Zarek and 2) YOU'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR SIX HOURS TOPS PLEASE STOP WITH THE WEIRD FIXATION

 

mowu is a GOOD DOG

 

Ral, every time he gets a pov chapter: fuck the zombies, fuck the evil god-dragon, where in the HELL is my HUSBAND

 

yep
definitely the obligatory het
I'm thinking she's gonna end up dimir and tbh her being Lazav himself would be FUKKIN HILARIOUS but also: I doubt wotc will go there
blease, wizards, get the obligatory stale het out of your books

 

Guildmaster Ral "immediately distracted by the gay" Zarek, everybody

 

it's only taken 257 pages but TOMIK IS HERE

 

WE HAVE TENDER FOREHEAD BONKS
THIS IS NOT A DRILL

 

Ral: look I know we're all about to die horribly but what if I ask him to marry me

 

I'm not even kidding, everyone's gearing up for the last ditch boss battle and

if Tomik dies in this battle I Will murder

 

see, this is an acceptable het subplot I can get behind
jace is a fucking dork and also has spent like seven blocks pining, not seven hours

 

plot: resolved
me: BUT DID RAL PROPOSE

 

Ral has not proposed onscreen but teyo didn't have any Dramatic Confession either so it evens out
and we FINALLY got an onscreen ralmik smooch

still probably not worth $27 but also Ral and Tomik are definitely worth $27

 

I will say I'm proud of wizards for explicitly making the problem not that Ral Zarek Does Gay but that he and his bf are in different factions
no one cares that men are smooching, but an Izzet and an Orzhov? treason
and then even that turns out to be Ravnica's Worst-Kept Secret and no one on-page cares except as background for explaining why Ral and Tomik have been stealth for so long

 

literally endless army of crystal zombies: exists
guildmaster Ral Zarek, brilliant inventor and engineer: MOVE I'M GAY

 

I'm only joking a little, this

is immediately preceded by like three paragraphs of Ral going "hm. my magic laser gun is running out of juice, there's no end to these Eternals, and I have no guarantee Tomik is at home or even alive. maybe I should, like, actually aim and conserve power..... OR I could just VAPORIZE EVERYTHING THAT GETS BETWEEN ME AND HIM"

 

other brilliance I did not type up last night bc I was sucked in: Tomik's immediate response to "don't join the fight, it's too dangerous" being "honey I love you but you're a fucking dumbass, you're more of a target than I'll ever be and you Cannot stop me from protecting you"