Back on my bullshit

Loq · Feb 13, 2020 at 8:00 AM

the most Me conversation of this whole vacation

Her: Are you okay?
Me: Oh, yeah, sorry, there are pigeons on the window and I'm trying to tell them I'm friendly without food they can safely eat
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Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 4:25 AM

"How would you prefer it, in verse or normal speech?"
"Normal speech."
"As you please," Dandelion said, not putting his lute down. "Listen then, noble gentlemen, to what occurred a week ago near the town of Barefield. Twas this, that at the crack of dawn, when rising sun had barely tinged pink the shrouds of mist hanging pendent above the meadows-"
"It was supposed to be normal speech," Geralt reminded him.
"Isn't it? Very well, very well, I understand. Concise, without metaphors or any sort of flair."
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I LOVE
JASKIER
SO MUCH

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 8:04 AM

oh also Technology Evil book ended up at "organics good, mechanoid good, cyborg bad" which uhhhhhh
I don't know if you're aiming that metaphor gun at miscegenation or assistive devices here, author, but either way that's Kind Of Fucking Skeevy

part of the Final Confrontation said:

"You have nothing to admit to this maimed hybrid, Kao Chih," said [mechanoid ally] Gorol9, still being held down on the carved stone. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"So speaks the machine," said the Legion creature. "Good, obedient device, just one amongst your Construct's little horde of wind-up junkpiles. Attend carefully, human: this machine, this contraption, will never know the wonder of convergence, the intermingling of life's pure essence and a technology perfectly adapted to life's supreme ambition[...]"

"You are a made thing," said Gorol9. "Your vaunted 'convergence with technology' is nothing but your desperate need to flee the pains of the flesh, the entropy of the flesh, the ending of the flesh."
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which is unfort because I'm honestly interested in the various alien races and worldbuilding, but the main conflict of the series is shaping up to be Cyborg Antichrist Hive Mind vs Pure Untainted Mortals

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 8:36 AM

"He was kneeling on the rocks, in full armour, stating at the sky."
"He's always doing that," Beanpole said. "He's meditating, or saying his prayers. He says he must, because he has orders from the gods to protect people from evil."
"Back home in Crinfrid," Boholt muttered, "we keep people like that on a chain in the cowshed, and give them a piece of coal so they can draw outlandish pictures on the walls."
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Witcher really out here dragging every single paladin

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 9:02 AM

"In my day," Yarpen said, "sorceresses stayed in their towers, read learned books, and stirred cauldrons. They didn't get under warriors' feet, didn't interfere in our business. And didn't wiggle their bottoms in front of a fellow."
"Frankly speaking, she [Yennefer] can wiggle all she likes," Dandelion said, retuning his lute. "Right, Geralt?"
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[bangs fists on table] OT3! OT3! OT3!

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 9:38 AM

yen and geralt: get a Literal Cliffhanger Scene
Jaskier: excuse me???? someone throw them a rope????
side character: the witcher's doing fine, wait for the sorceress to fall and we'll bring him up
Jaskier: excuse me???? I said them??? as in both of them???????

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 9:43 AM

"What is he [the paladin] drivelling on about?"

"I don't know," Geralt said, adjusting Roach's harness. "I didn't understand a single word."

"Be quiet," Dandelion scolded, "I'm trying to remember it; perhaps I'll be able to use it if I can get it to rhyme."

"The Holy Book says," Eyck continued, now yelling loudly, "that the foul dragon, with seven heads and ten horns, will come forth from the abyss! And on his back will sit a woman in purple and red, and a golden goblet will be in her hand, and on her forehead will be written the sign of all and ultimate whoredom!"

"I know her!" Dandelion said, delighted. "It's Celia, wife of the alderman of Sommerhalder!"
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Jaskier pls

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 9:47 AM

paladin: on a rant about how Tragedy has Befallen The Caravan because of all these Heretics, including sorcerors, dwarves, and a Witcher

"Not a word about me," Dandelion interjected woefully, "not a single mention of poets! And I try so hard!"
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J A S K I E R

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 9:52 AM

geralt: yeah okay fuck this shit I'm out
a scout: DRAGON INCOMING
geralt: fuck this shit I'm out
Jaskier, who claims he came specifically to see a dragon for ~inspiration~: Geralt! Take me with you!

KingStarscream · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:03 AM

god i love him, thank u for your diligent liveblogging

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:04 AM

Loq said: ↑

geralt: yeah okay fuck this shit I'm out
a scout: DRAGON INCOMING
geralt: fuck this shit I'm out
Jaskier, who claims he came specifically to see a dragon for ~inspiration~: Geralt! Take me with you!
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Geralt: well fuck, guess I have to fight a dragon
Jaskier: that's my next song title
Geralt: are you fucking serious
Jaskier: :)

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:05 AM

KingStarscream said: ↑

god i love him, thank u for your diligent liveblogging
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look if I'm going to be blowing money on an 8-book series I may as well share the bounty

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:13 AM

Jaskier: I wanna write a new song
Jaskier: I'm going on a dragon hunt for my fighting datemates inspiration
Jaskier: Geralt Take Me With You
the dragon hunt: inevitably goes pear-shaped
Jaskier: "What bad luck. How the hell did I get mixed up in this?"

b o y

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:17 AM

also Jaskier confirmed for fucking motormouth when he's scared
all three of them captured, bound, and stripped
yennefer threatening bloody murder on anyone who looks at her
Our Boy The Fool:

"I'm here because of you. They may slit our throats, but at least I'll die happy."
"Shut up, Dandelion," the Witcher said.
"I have no intention of so doing. In fact, I plan to compose the Ballad of the Two Tits, please don't interfere."
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sirsparklepants · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:22 AM

Loq said: ↑

Jaskier: I wanna write a new song
Jaskier: I'm going on a dragon hunt for my fighting datemates inspiration
Jaskier: Geralt Take Me With You
the dragon hunt: inevitably goes pear-shaped
Jaskier: "What bad luck. How the hell did I get mixed up in this?"
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Me, every time something goes predictably wrong in my life :P

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:26 AM

yennefer: geralt burn me out of these ropes, they forgot you can do magic
geralt: without looking? I'll hurt you????
yennefer: I'm a big girl just get me fucking OUT
geralt: o.... kay......
yen: Literally Single-Handedly delivers a magical beatdown
Jaskier: ........hot

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:56 AM

literally two pages describing geralt's experience of Bitch Eatin Crackers Mad

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 11:01 AM

a character written in late-90s central Europe: "I'd like you to ask for my sword one day; then you'd see my answer"
me, temporarily possessed by @sirsparklepants: the inherent homoeroticism of swordplay--

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 11:02 AM

Loq said: ↑

a character written in late-90s central Europe: "I'd like you to ask for my sword one day; then you'd see my answer"
me, temporarily possessed by @sirsparklepants: the inherent homoeroticism of swordplay--
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(which is to say, I honestly didn't notice this was supposed to be a threat and not flirting until another character remarked that Sword Boy was trying to be provocative)

Loq · Feb 14, 2020 at 11:21 AM

yennefer remains a capital-d Disaster Bi

The collection made no impression on Geralt, who had lived with Yennefer of Vengerberg for six months, and Yennefer had a yet more fascinating collection, even including a phallus of exceptional proportions, allegedly that of a mountain troll. She also possessed a very expertly stuffed unicorn, on whose back she liked to make love. Geralt was of the opinion that if there existed a place less suitable for having sex, it was probably only the back of a live unicorn.
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sirsparklepants feral mom energies

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KingStarscream watch_dogs walking advertisement

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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sirsparklepants feral mom energies

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