Vent Back to your regularly scheduled wine&cheese tasting

So I live in a concrete apartment complex, 39 apartments to the house number. The Walls are really fucking thin and you can hear, well, a lot.
There is a resting time (is that the right term?) in which all noise that could disturb your neighbours is forbidden. Now, most of my neighbours are elderly and don't hear that well any more, but that doesn't apply to me.
And, well, I've got a neighbour who thinks blasting his music at 3 am so i hear it on my own room volume is ok. I am FUCKING TIRED of this. In the beginning I went down just about every fucking second night to ask him to turn that shit down. I stopped caring at some point, partially because I was sleeping with construction zone grade earplugs anyways because the apartment complex and the neighbouring ones were renovated, and concrete saws make me overload in .3 seconds, and those started at 7 am.

so i wrote him a letter just now. will put it into his letterbox tomorrow when i head for my shrink appointment. i put as much passive-aggressiveness into it as i could manage, so if passive-aggressiveness is an issue for you, that's your cue not to click the spoiler tag.

Spoiler: letter to my asshole neighbour

Dear Mr [REDACTED],
sadly, our apartment complex is badly soundproofed, and you can hear quite a lot. This is not your fault. But I would be very happy, if you could follow the resting time specified in the house rules. If you do not know these by heart, you can peruse them in the hallway around the clock.
Because it is not very nice to hear your music at 3 or 4 am (and tastes are different, as is commonly known) in my room volume. I believe the four years in which I have been your neighbour have been a long enough adjusting period to switch from "all my neighbours have bad hearing".
(The reason I sometimes do not understand what people say is not because i have bad hearing, in contrary, i hear things louder, but i have issues processing them)
If you do need your prefered volume, I would suggest headphones, aside from a visit to an ear specialist, because it is unacceptable to be awoken, or having trouble sleeping almost every night because of you, and having the choice of hammering at your door until you hear me and open, as you so kindly disabled the doorbell as to not be disturbed by annoying neighbours while listening to music, or to use earplugs.
i did so during the renovations, and i hope you sympathize with me being tired of it.
if you suggest another volume test, i ask you most politely to follow through with this, and not put it off and let it come to nothing.
most sincere greetings,
[my name and apartment number]

witnesses, hugs, suggestions, revenge tactics, etc. welcome

 

After a while of trying to get my neighbours to Turn Their Fucking Music Down and having them ignore me, I started just skipping that step and going straight to the building manager. They're much more likely to listen to someone who can evict them than a neighbour

 

Neighbour has been quieter.

on the other hand, and unrelated, i'm fighting with finding the balance between "not enough me" and "too much me"
because i hear part of myself piping up and yelling that i should be talking about my things now and that everyone else should listen, why is someone else talking, and why are they not talking about me?
and it makes me hella uncomfortable. i suspect it's "just" fleas and not indicative of anything more serious, and i generally like listening to other people's stories as well because they have different experiences and it shaped them and it helps me understand them better and learn things and they do really interesting stuff with their world building and its just awesome to hear all of it, and then theres the "why not about me" voice in the background >>_<<

but growing up the way i did, i dont know how much wanting to talk about myself and my interests and projects is natural and healthy and when it veers into too much territory.
because i dont want to make everything about myself, even if part of my brain wants to.

...
i have something of a love/hate relationship with attention

 

So as I've posted in different threads already, my tablet has pretty much died on me by way of fucked up charge jack and battery, and now I'm on my 8 year old netbook whichs OS has been without support for four years (Ubuntu 10.04).

In the interest of not spamming but still wording my frustration, I'll use this thread instead.

Things that work:

• This forum (hallelujah)
• Skype
• Playing MP3 files
• Lags (yay. not.)

Things that work somewhat, with issues:

• Firefox
• Facebook
• Subeta
• roll20 (hallelujah)
• The display. There's a loose contact and I sometimes need to close it to get it to show stuff again.
• The battery. I remember the days when it held for 8 hours, now it's down to 4. But at least I have a decently long charger cord, unlike the super-short micro usb cords. #computersciencestudentrage

Things that don't work:

• Videos of any kind. Used to watch old Digimon episodes on this, but it's down to 0.5 fps...
• In the same regard, Youtube
• Any kind of streaming, really
• Gifs
• Google Drive
• Discord

Things I still need to test:

• LaTeX Texmaker. If that doesn't work, I'm fucked, because that's what I use for applications
• Office Applications. If those don't work, I'll need to figure out something else for keeping track of job listings, but that should be manageable.
  
• Thunderbird. If that doesn't work, I'll need to check my e-mails per hand. Bluh.
• Skype beyond texting people. Voice has a decent chance of working, but I'm not holding out for video.

I'm mostly -incoherent rage noises- rn because it's laggy as shit and I'm looking at 3 weeks of this. I mean, at least I've got a functioning device, but... Augh. I'd just started to plot something at Laz and work on my game project again.

And the guarantee on the tablet got voided because I dropped it once and three keys had popped off the (detachable) keyboard, when none of these are related to the charging and battery issue. Augh. At least I learned of my mistakes and got the extra insurance when I bought it. And got all my data off it.

21 days to go.

 

Thunderbird works, but motherfuck I had to coax it. Too many passwords to keep straight next to gmail up and going "nope not allowing this program to connect it is unsafe" no fucking shit sherlock it's four years out of date

that, and outlook has suddenly decided that the job listing newsletter i subscribed to is spam. no, outlook, the regular emails that i regularly interact with are not, in fact, spam, i wouldve told you earlier had that been the case.

 

Outlook insisted on springing a survey on me. Lowest marks and harsh commentary, it's half past 1 am and I'm trying to make do with outdated hardware and laggy bullshit, and a mandatory survey is the exact opposite of what I need at the moment.
Also, gmail is objectively superior because it's backwards compatible, even if I had to manually tell it that yes it's ok that my outdated thunderbird connect.

things that also piss me off at the moment:

• this netbook also has trouble recognizing the charger, and i get popups every now and then about being on battery. at least it recognizes when i wiggle the damn thing a bit and doesnt refuse to charge!
• i had to uncheck all the fucking skype popups again
• and skype lost my painstakingly created renames of everyone that TOLD ME WHO THE FUCK THEY WERE AND HOW I KNOW THEM. AUGH.

 

I've got a list this time.
- My internet crapped out last night for over an hour until I gave up and switched off the modem.
+It's working again now, though, so yay.

- The monthly bleeding is back. I'd like to detach everything below the waist, please and thank you.
+My need to sleep on my side means I only bled through my jammies, but not onto the sheets. It was also fresh enough I didn't even have to break out the soap to scrub it out.

- I forgot to transfer money from the investment thing to my payment account and so I was late on rent because I didn't have enough money to pay it
+ Sorted that shit out.

- Forgot to put in earplugs and was woken by heavy construction machinery at quarter past 7. They're converting the parking lot into an apartment building.
- Fairly certain one of the trees they're cutting down harbours a spirit of sorts, but there's nothing I can do.

 

Part of me wants to be this saviour-type, who swoops in and makes everything better.
That part of me reads vent threads and /r/justnomil and then I get angry at the assholes who make these situations happen in the first place, and then I have no energy left for anything else
How am I supposed to help with no energy

I think at this point it's just a fucked-up self-punishing strategy of my brain that refuses to let me have my own things before everyone else is not doing better.

And then whining about not being able to help sounds like sucking resources from the people who actually need them. So it's a lose-lose, awful person either way situation.

No wonder people don't like me, I'm a gross hypocrite.

 

I've been sleeping so much lately, I hardly get anything done.
Can't fall asleep before 2am, and can't wake up before 11 am, sometimes later. Augh.

 

(to address an earlier thing - wanting to help but not having the energy doesn't reflect poorly on you at all. If it may help you at all, consider if you would react as harshly to a friend expressing the same feeling as you do to yourself - and if not, you can afford to be kinder to yourself. That'll help restore your energy reserves over time, and help you help others in turn.)

Also god I feel the sleep thing. I either sleep far too much, or not enough, and there is no inbetween.

 

That seems more like a delayed sleep schedule than too much sleeping to me? Evidence: My ideal sleep schedule in terms of what I feel best with is 4am to noon. Mine likes to slip a lot.
Sometimes skipping sleep one day resets it, but that´s no fun at all, be warned, and may not always work.

 

i jumped from 7-8 hours a day to 10-11 hours basically overnight ::/
sometimes woke even before my alarm. now i'm dead tired when my alarm goes.

(i'd go to sleep around 2 am, first alarm goes at 7 because that's when i needed to stand up for the doctor's appointments, since that's over i switched my alarm from 7 to 9 and it just added 2 hours to my sleep length ::/)

 

@KathyGaele's Sub You have no idea how often I've logicked this through already. At some point I need to get it out before it continues festering and defying logic.

Went to sleep at 10pm last night. Laid awake for at least an hour, maybe two. Woke up around 4am and laid awake an hour and a half at least, maybe two. Fell back asleep until 11am.
Why.

 

hugs if wanted :(

 

hugs accepted

 

Spoiler: sexuality stuff

guess i can ditch the ace label one of these days and replace it with the gay one.

there are two very vute enbies in my life and i wouldnt be opposed to them doing me.

still pissed that mom was 'right', but she can suck it, still not into guys, and still not going to give her grandbabies.

 

winnest, again.

 

Now in week 4 of no tablet, and the charge socket of my netbook is dying as well. great.

 

I want to convert my futon to its sofa configuration for my bday party
I haven't cleaned under my futon for like 2 years
I'm kind of afraid

 

There's like, two base modes for me:
Normal me who feels terrible when they give a video game character the wrong gift because they misclicked.
Very angry me, who surfaces when I read, heard, saw something upsetting. Very angry me is a sociopath who can and will hurt people. Very angry me stops seeing the people they are pissed off at as people, and delights in whatever pain very angry me manages to inflict, and I'm not sure I want to know what very angry me would do with a weapon.
I'm scared of very angry me.