finally finished the e-mail to my (former, actually, i'm not currently being treated by her) shrink, giving her a rough outline of the matter (and a few choice comments) and asking her if she can even treat ed for like, a few sessions and then refer her to a shrink near where she lives, and if she would. i have absolutely no issue with going nc. i basically ghosted her ass mid-january and dodged her during my visit to my paternal grandmother who lives 10 minutes on foot away. rest of the family, sd included, keep quiet in both directions. ok, sd talks to me about ed, but no one else does. (not like they talk about or to her much -- they collectively think she's nuts. so do, apparently, the parents of one of my childhood friends and old classmates with whom i reconnected. he'd fit right in here, to be honest. but yeah, ed is probably known quarter wide to be kind of not right in the head, and so was her own mother). on the topic of ghosting her, apparently im soooo sick/depressed or someone did something to me. she's panicked and can't sleep, and close to taking a train to berlin to show up at my doorstep. fuck offfff, bitch. i'm contemplating a very concise nc letter. no whys, because ive told her the whys and theyve become missing missing reasons. sd said, and i quote, "i don't know if you'd come to the funeral". which is emotional blackmail. bastard. maybe an actual suicide attempt on her end, escalating from the threats she's been habitually making, would put her in psych care, but she'd be resisting. i fucking hate dealing with her on all levels. fucking fog.