Bad, Hilarious, Or Just Absurd Baby Names

Cotton-eyed Joe

 

what you become after eating papyrus' spaghetti

 

Printed in the school newspaper. I'm pretty sure this is satire, but the fact that I can't tell is terrifying

Spoiler: large image

 

my dick is named morcant III

 

Fun fact: I actually knew a (cis) woman named Kevin once. She told me that her parents had been totally dead-set on the name, and were determined to use it regardless of the kid's sex...

EDIT: I should note that this woman was, from what I remember, around the same age as my parents.

 

I don't know if I've posted here before on the subject so forgive me if this is a double post, but -

My aunt has six boys with the following names -
Samuel
Raphael
Casper
Horatio
Pablo and Fabian (twins)

She's Irish. The family at large is British with Czech heritage on one side. Why.

Also, my dead relative ancestor that Sam was named for and I was given the deadname female version of was actually named Solomon and just went by Sam. I just. I don't understand.

Also also if I have to correct one more person 'mishearing' my name as 'Mel' imma shoot a bitch. It's Mal. Malcolm. Plz to stop misgendering me.

 

Just shout "SPACE CAPTAIN, NOT DERANGED BIGOT MAD MAX!"

 

That might not be intentional depending on where they're from. When I pronounce it both sound pretty interchangeable...

 

@Lizardlicks - yeah, and then I could enjoy even more blank looks! XD

No but seriously, when they say Mel?? I can see them thinking it's 'Melanie' which is a reasonably common girl's name here. Malcolm isn't all that common, unfortunately, and then I have to explain for the fifty-hundredth time that yes, it's a boy's name, I'm a boy, I know you mean well old lady but if I have to hear 'But you're so PRETTY' one more time I'm going to stab SOMEONE with a spork...

@Emma - they do sound fairly close, I know, but in this particular regional accent you have to be really not-listening to confuse them. It's like hearing 'Sam' as 'Sun' for example.

 

sporks sound like a horrible option to stab someone with...

i say as someone who once spent ten minutes in her culinary class looking around like 'WHICH of these large implements would/will i grab in the event of zombies'

 

We had a heavy wood and metal pie crust poker in our class, it looked like the hyrbid of a mace and rolling pin. That was my zombie apocalypse choice. That, or the industrial sized immersion blender.

 

I've played entirely too many video games for this phrase to not be funny.

 

It's called a "thing, for soup, bzz bzz". Just ask my mother.

 

for reference on the immersion blender, it was 4 feet tall and the blades were 4-5 inches long.

[Edit:] maybe 3 feet tall? It was a few years ago now, I don't remember it that well.

 

I want to buy one of these and put an entire pumpkin in it.

 

Bringing a new meaning to the phrase, "What pumpkin?"

 

on a piece of music my choir is performing (I think he was the arranger, poor man): Gerald Cockshott

 

My mum's from Scotland, and her best friend from childhood (a Margaret) named her children Struan, Eilidh, and Cliodhna, which are pronounced Stroo-an, Ey-lee, and Clee-oh-na respectively. What is Gaelic even?

 

Both Irish Gaelic and Scottish Gaelic have weird spelling, but to be fair, IIRC both languages are at least consistent-ish there?

Plus Scottish Gaelic names would probably be common enough in Scotland, so I wouldn't say that's too weird.

But unambiguously terrible name time: a friend of mine is friends with a couple who named their baby girl Anna-Mae. Yes, it was intended to sound like "anime."

 

NO why!!!