bad: didn't get any work done this weekend. good: had a fantastic afternoon/evening out at my parents', played King of Tokyo and had a hot dog roast and smores, got everyone outside to talk and just hang out. hey @Erica - I speak French if you wanna converse! :D
Bad: I wasn't paying attention to my form in gym and now my arms and wrists are being a bitch. Good: I gave off the impression of being competent by ordering stuff for my mother online. Better: It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm going to celebrate it in style - with good drinks and good live jazz. I got money from my mother to spend on a nice present, and I know exactly where to get it.
good news: maintenance finally came over today so I don't have to sit and wonder when my heart attack from their arrival will happen bad news: instead of looking over the fire alarms or the plumbing or anything, they CHECKED TO SEE IF OUR DOORS WERE WORKING bad news: it wasn't even to see if the locks worked or if they shut all the way or anything like that--they just wanted to see if they made any squeaky noises, I guess? they said they were taking "inventory". good news: my apartment is nice and clean, at least, and I'm pretty sure everything in it is working just fine
bad: home without my partner until saturday, having a small depressive episode, feel like i can't do anything i'd enjoy doing good: gyro platter. s'mores oreos. and 2 cute dogs.
Bad news: turns out the owner of the school I'm taking art lessons in is, on top of being kind of annoying, a horrible homophobe. I had to listen to some really upsetting stuff on how IF homosexuality exists (lol) then it should be kept entirely private otherwise other people won't know what Man and Woman means anymore (you can guess the amount of snark I had to bite back). Good news: teacher says I obviously know how to draw, has moved me to much more advanced exercises really fast and upped his demands to something a lot closer to actual test difficulty :}
Bad news: I am leaving Chicago soon and I feel like I've just finally settled in here (ah the woes of college and thus moving cross-country twice a year) Good news: In a week I will be home with my kitties and my little sister and living in the same city as my wonderful girlfriend for the first time since we've been dating. And she's going to take me to see Mad Max as an actual date, like a classic-date date, the likes of which neither of us has really done before, and after some consideration I've relented and agreed to do things in the 'right' order (dinner, movie then sex apparently)
Sad: I lost my spoons and don't know if I will be able to go to work tomorrow with so little energy. Rad: Our meal was comped at the restaurant tonight after my overload meltdown Radder: After 8 solid weeks I have confirmation the IRS received my federal income taxes are processing them with my identity theft paperwork. Huzzah! Raddest: I remembered I really like running?? And I got things at thrift store that make happy sounds.
Bad news: I still haven't told my mother I'm moving. Good news: For the time being, I'm working under the best manager my company has to offer! She DOES HER JOB, which means I can do my job, which means the manager under me can do her job, and all the wee sales associates can do their jobs, without hearing me bitch in their ears about how I can't get enough done for three people!
bad news: i've been having to supply full time care to my semi abusive grandma for a while, and i've got a while more. i had four wisdom teeth pulled too, so i've been having to either go hungry or eat from my list of No Fun foods (things like mashed potatoes, broth, copious amounts of sweets b/c they come in a wide variety of soft stuff. consistency is such a problem for me, and i hate Salty anything really.) good news: INERTIA! i haven't had that biiig push forward to start me back on my road to regular society after i crashed and burned on spoon levels going on two years ago now. i was feeling like i simultaneously could and could not for the longest time, and it honest to god was not just laziness. i've been able to do so many things as long as i pace myself, including but not limited too: real actual phone stuff (even though it's still hard the anxiety part is gone), figuring out a bank account, apartment hunting, and even general house upkeep. it turns out my silly brain just needed a massive Project. little things weren't enough to start me. i feel so good right now, even though everything's falling to pieces. the important thing is that repair is occurring, and i can see it :).
Bad: I have this project due on Tuesday evening and I haven't really started it, because Twilight of the Spoons and also what is planning. I'm scared. Good: the GM of our Firefly campaign wrote a "war stories" recap of the campaign so far. It's incredibly dark (tw: child death, tw: murder, tw: so many violations of Geneva Convention... we are war criminals like thrice over by now), but also sort of hilarious? At least to me. Spoiler: Well, actually... "This one time our lieutenant yelled at and almost beat up a civilian whom we had just saved from a shipwreck." He wanted to airlock the said civilian, actually, but lieutenant colonel said no.
Bad: I have no energy to go shower or sketch or do self-care stuff. Good: I got a lot of housework-y stuff done today and planned and researched the new front garden layout.
Bad: The button popped of one of my pants. Which means I have officially gained so much wait I don't fit in my pants any more :( Good news: I for a passing grade on an essay I was really really dreading getting the result on! :D :D :D
Bad news: my throat still hurts and when I try to talk I sound like a 100-year-old chainsmoker battling lung cancer Good news: I have a day off to rest and wait for my BRAND NEW GRAPHICS BOARD to arrive :3
Good news: I wrote five emails today inquiring about internship positions, and called a friend I hadn't spoken to in a long time. Bad news: I sent one of them from the wrong e-mail address accidentally, and I messed up the custard and granola bars. Good news #2: I'll make sweet omelette for breakfast tomorrow.
Bad news: extremely minor, but I DO have to get dressed and people a bit today, as well as take A Bus Good news: for the rest of the day the only thing on my calendar is "be a useless piece of shit all day and play all these games" XTRA GOOD NEWS: my moirail and our friends are coming over tonight for his birthday, we'll play Just Dance :DDDD
Good: I'm housesitting for parents while they're away, which means spending all my free time with my cat. I've missed him so much. Bad: I'm allergic to cats.
Good news: had a positive appointment with the new doctor my dad set up for me. We talked about what I've been having problems with, why I've had trouble working on them, and she gave me some advice that was... More helpful than I expected when she started. Spoiler: Her advice, I am still unpacking it, there may be barbs I haven't caught yet... Paraphrased to the best of my memory. Regarding depression and anxiety and alcoholism in the family: Expectations are like chained weights. You can hand them to people, but if they don't carry them, the unmet expectations weigh you down. If you know from experience that they won't keep their promises... Well, if it was some guy up the street, would you keep expecting him to follow through? No, right? So why do you with your family? When all is said and done, they're just people too. Holding in your head the idea that they ought to do certain things isn't doing anything for you. Let go of that weight, and just interact with them person to person. Just do you. To get through life you need to do a balancing act. Not leaning so far to either side that you risk falling in deep, dark waters. You need the strength to catch yourself before you tip over. Nobody else can do it for you, not all the time. Look for things that lift your spirits, surround yourself with things that get your mind engaged, daring, involved. Explore the world around you. To find out what you want to do, what makes you happy, you need to expose yourself to things. And look at the positives. No matter what it is, you gain something out of it. Maybe just a lesson of what you want to protect others from, maybe perspective, maybe something really good! And that's what you gotta do. Be excited, or at least decent. Work hard to get out of those places where you start spiraling. Now, you're 28 years old. That's twelve years you've lost to this. I think you deserve more than this. I think you can give something else a shot. It might be that medication makes a huge difference for you. Do you think you'd like to try one out? Think about it, really think about it, before we meet again. And we'll set up labwork for you,to make sure your kidney and liver are metabolizing everything properly so that if you do try something, your body will process it properly. So... Good news, I'm taking steps on the physical wellness side of things. Also good news, though she noted obesity in her notes along with depression, her advice was not of the needlessly blunt "get off your ass and exercise." Instead she focused on getting out and exposure to life experiences, exploring and volunteer work, as things to try re:depression... Sneakily not pointing out that it would be exercise to do so. I think I can work with this. Bad news, due to a mix of website complications and anxious spoon loss, I don't have health insurance. The co-pay for just that was not too much, but what will labwork be?? Dad offered to help but I keep expecting him to get frustrated with my lack of clear progress.
Bad news: there is still SO MUCH TO DO before I leave on Monday. Good news: I am being really productive lately. What with having sent out my stuff to different academies and I've been working in a positive manner on my future. Change is coming and god, it feels so good to pack up and leave.
