@unknownanonymous I've got genre whiplash now, I think. Was the genital-cutting intended as a hook to catch readers who might not want to read a fic with the word "rapture" in the first few paragraphs?
@Elaienar yep that fic creates has the quite the genre-change near the end why? we just don't know and haha nope genital mutiliation of cartoon characters is kinda the author's (thicks, i believe his name was) thing. i believe he's done this to timmy at least twice. the christian themes were totally new for him, though, i think.
I finally got around to reading this one and my god that ending. It is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The joke was starting to wear thin after the first couple chapters, but the punchline made everything worth it. Also, this line is my new most favouritest thing. This is how I'm going to start responding when people try to give me pamphlets.
I MADE A MISTAKE. I'M CRYING LAUGHING WHEN I SHOULD BE OUTLINING e. this is RPF of Zelda livestreamers/Twitch world record seekers, written by a fellow Zelda Twitcher and read by a fellow Zelda Twitcher to a Zelda Twitcher on-stream. I can't even. I. Wow.
I know someone mentioned it on the Dragon Age thread, but behold: The Tiddy Fic (NSFW in places, 18+) For those who don't know anything about the Dragon Age background, the short story is that one of the most popular romance options in Inquisition has gone cold turkey on a magical drug and the withdrawal is often painful and exhausting. The fic is a kink meme prompt in which they discover a cure for Cullen's withdrawal symptoms. The answer Breast Milk. But not just any breast milk, the Inquisitor's milk. Includes the defilement of a beloved gay character by turning him into Gay: The Stereotype while simultaneous giving the impression that the author ships him and her female Inquisitor. It's a riot, though cringe worthy in a lot of places.
Not an entire fic, but I just remembered something. I once read an otherwise not-terribly-bad fetish-fuel pornfic that referred to how a character "furiously frigged herself" at one point. It was such a bizarre shift, since the author hadn't shied away from using actual swears anywhere else in the fic, and there's generally something hilariously wrong about hardcore erotica using minced oaths anyway. Also, let me link you all to WTFFanfiction. You're welcome.
Since Search tells me no one has linked it yet: Same Love Lockdown. Deliberate badfic, but I've sent it to several people now and it is the cure to sadness and either a transcendent work of art that will shape a generation or the spiritual successor to My Immortal. There is no in-between. Please read it and then message me your keyboard-smashing. And then there is Weak and Powerless. We refer to it as And Then Dracula, because it starts out with slightly weak writing but steadily building angst that was somewhat compelling. And then Dracula shows up. Also Thor is the Spanish teacher. Luka read some of the last chapter out loud and I laughed until my sides hurt. It is not good. It is actively very bad. It horrifies me.
luka's tendency to read badfic out loud at gatherings is second in fuckery only to luka's tendency to set his computer to read badfic out loud at gatherings and have it loop the quote indefinitely. D:
I would love to meet them too, but I don't know them well enough, certainly not well enough for their private close friendship gatherings full of in-jokes and camaraderie. And I probably never will because I am not as good at life as they are, and also quite young, and allistic.
If we're including "badfic that is bad on purpose, and I know that because I'm the one who wrote it", I nominate my RPF Jessestuck. It's about evil homophobic abuser Seebs mistreating Jesse the delicate shrinking flower, driving him into Social Justice Superman Luka's arms.
Oh fuck, eventually I'm going to learn not to read badfic whilst drinking. I snorted hot tea out of my nose and it was both painful and gross. (That fic is amazing.)
Jessestuck was completely amazing, @Meagen Image. And @jacktrash, I think we were spared the computer. I say 'I think' because I remember there was an attempt, but I don't remember if Luka was derailed or I am just blocking out the trauma of hearing a computer talk about gently scissoring.
Writer's commentary and things I am still quite proud of: Spoiler [untitled] Summary: I suck at summaries, just read it - at the time, Jesse had been complaining about fanfics without titles and summaries that don't summarize. “Where’s my damn dinner”, seebs queried angrily. - almost every action seebs takes is modified by 'angrily'. They ate the meat and potatoes and then trifle for dessert. - the notional author is UK-based and doesn't realise trifle isn't really a thing in the Midwest. (Inspired by a Harry Potter writer who apparently gave Hermione a fondness for "pepperjack cheese", which is rarely encountered outside of Texas.) “Why do those writers have to cram the gay down our throats, this is such bullshit. Our Lord Jesus would cry if he saw this.” - why is seebs so homophobic when Jesse is referred to as 'his husband' multiple times?! does he not realise it? is he just that much of a hypocrite? the reader is kept in a constant state of 'did I miss something, or did the author not think something through?'. Suddenly seebs took the remote, pointed it at the TV and pressed the off button, shutting the TV off in the middle of the show. - pointless elaborate descrition! “I am taking a shower”, seebs announced angrily as he went up the stairs and opened the bathroom door. - poor use of tenses, leading to weird mental image. He looked handsome and like a rebel against society. - when a beginner writer thinks, "hm, how do I convey that my character is handsome, and also that he is a rebel agaisnt society...?" “wow that is so profound, I never thought of it that way!!!” - just append "said nobody, ever, in response to an unexpected SJ rant" to anything minor characters say to Luka in response to his SJ rants. Seebs sent Jesse to his room as punishment and jesse went, even though the room didn’t have a TV at all! - the writer tries to think of something really, really cruel. Draws from everyday experience. Luka exposited brilliantly. Luka smiled enchantingly. Luka inquired charmingly. - please enjoy the combination of "avoiding the word 'said' at all cost", "adorning every verb with an adverb", and "telling us what we think about the character". Jesse finished shopping quietly as he pondered this strange new development. - author ran out of things to say, so scene just kind of ends. (A/N tw for domestic violence sry! :(((( ) - I think the multiple-frowny face really sells this. “Nice to meet you Mr. Seebs, your husband has told me a lot about you”, Luka smiled holding out his hand. Seebs scowled angrily. “I bet he did. Come on jesse, we’re going home.” As they drove home seebs was fuming. Luka tried to make polite conversation but seebs only ignored him and left him behind. - abrupt switching from one scene to the next, and misuse of tenses, leads to brief confusion over where Luka is. Back at seebs’ house seebs and jesse got out of the car, seebs opened the front door and they both walked inside. - "dear fanfic authors, stop describing in detail people opening doors and going through them" was another complaint Jesse had around that time. “I’m not, I swear I’m not, please believe me” jesse tried to explain. But seebs backhanded jesse so he fell down into a coffee table and a potted plant and a mahogany chair and a glass display case full of Willow Tree figurines. - how do inexperienced authors make things more dramatic? Add More Stuff! How to make a scene of domestic violence completely ridiculous and unbelievable, stripping it of any emotional weight? Add More Stuff! “Look at the mess you’ve made”, seebs sneered as jesse sat on the floor weeping and bleeding softly. - either "weeping softly and bleeding" or "bleeding and weeping softly" would have been workable, if rather overly dramatic and clicheed. But then the author went and put the words in *that* order, and here we are. Jesse spent the night sweeping and showering and putting bandaids on his wounds. - again, tenses are misused, making the reader puzzle out if this was the intended order. Or if those three actions could concievable occupy someone for a whole night. Jesse rushed to the front door in a burst of flustered excitement. “Luka, you shouldn’t come to my house any more!” he gasped as he opened the door, - what? did we miss something? did the author skip over something? did the author just assume stuff happened in the meantime, or was this just the next scene on the itinerary and no thought was put into logical connections? Shivering with excitement and worry and fear, jesse sat down and turned on the TV. - all three at once! “Yes”, Jesse sighed in return. “Do you think they’ll kiss?” "The online petition has already reached 300 000 signiatures. It has to happen”, Luka explained wisely. - Wise Luka is wise. they heard the sound of an engine running and tires skimming on the ground. “It’s a car!” Luka noted. - Wow! But then Seebs saw something that enraged him even more: the TV, and the show they were both watching, where the werewolf cop and the private investigator were giving each other tender glances from across the room. - being distracted from catching an unfaithful spouse by gay subtext in a TV show: psychologically dubious, and probably unrealistic. He gave Seebs a withering glare. “I am sorry that your husband has to deal with someone as bigoted as you!” - they're still husbands? and seebs is still a raging homophobe? just checking. “I- I suppose I never thought of it that way-”, he stammered shamefully. “I… have a lot to think about…” - the scene where seebs collapses in the face of Luka's brillaint SJ rant was the original germ of the fanfic, as seen here: http://meagenimage.tumblr.com/post/68208818699/an-afterthought-or-two He turned around and went back to the car which he had left outside. - Very Important Detail, that car. Choking back tears, he ran off through the back door. “Jesse, wait-!” Luka exclaimed, distressed. - is it clear how he felt about this? maybe I should explain more just in case. Anyway, next chapter was going to be Jesse running to the edge of the cliff (which, from context, is obviously in the backyard of seebs and Jesse's house) and try to throw himself off for not being Good Enough, but then Luka catches up to him and cradles him in his Manly Arms, which reassures Jesse completely, they look each other in the eyes, the end.
That was beautiful. If we're posting our own...may I present to you The Dragon's Forbidden Kiss? I wrote it during a badfic panel at SacAnime Winter. I'm especially proud of the gratuitous metric system fail. Also of note: Lemon-Stealing Whores CRIMANAL MINDS AND BEHAIVOR For The Bible Tells Me So HOMEFUCK
