bandit king of lunch and string

a comforting thought: even if i end up addicted, stopping can’t be harder than quitting smoking was.

 

well, i’ve reduced the pain meds to 3x a day and am doing ok. was able to go down the stairs without a spotter, went outside for 5 minutes, my garden needs weeded so bad omg. was able to sit in my computering chair for a bit, too. if i keep recovering, i’ll try going to twice a day on monday or so. i don’t understand why it’s getting better when the cysts are still there but i did recover the previous times too, despite treating it as piriformis syndrome. i’m certainly not complaining.

i feel like i’ve forgotten how to life. what did i do with my time when i wasn’t stuck in bed? it’s been 80 years dot gif.

 

i can sit in my computering chair long enough to do a thing! oh minecraft, i've missed you... i wonder what modpack i should play. what's good for when you don't have the patience for a lot of setup? hmmm browses

 

that sounds fun, i should check it out. although i’m confused and intimidated by the modpack/launcher relationship. it seems like there’s no launcher that will launch any modpack, only the ones that are sorta... on that launcher, like you can’t watch an amazon show on the netflix app. except. why? they’re all free. no one is making money on it. so why the forced incompatibility? i don’t understand.....

 

have discontinued hydrocodone altogether, and so far seem to be doing all right. gabapentin is holding the fort. that, i might want to just keep on until the cysts are taken care of, unless the tingling/numbness goes away altogether.

supposedly gabapentin can cause euphoria, and people take it recreationally for that. i haven't experienced any euphoria that wasn't directly related to my cat snuggling into my armpit, putting his wee paws on my shoulder, and purring like an idling semi truck. just look at this little darling:



he is a nursing type pokemon. and i have no neck! so my neckbeard is just wandering all over the place, looking for a home. :D

anyhow, keep your fingers crossed for me, it'd be great if i don't need any more opiates. i've been up and about a little, though i'm still avoiding stairs. yesterday i 'went for a walk' all the way to the end of the driveway! it's not a long driveway. i intend to repeat the effort today, possibly twice! but i'm waiting until it stops raining bc i don't feel like trying to wrangle an umbrella and my cane at the same time.

 

opiate withdrawal was almost undetectable. i felt kind of sweaty yet shivery, kind of feverish, and kind of woozy for about 6 hours, and i did a mighty poo. that was it. none of the nightmare of last time, largely because i hadn't let myself develop a bowel blockage. thank goodness for barb and her fruit smoothies. most of them tasted like banana and awkwardness, because bolthouse farms puts way too many flavors in each mix, but they certainly had plenty of fiber. she also made sure i had cut up apples and unbuttered popcorn available at all times.

gapapentin apparently is something you need to taper off real slow whether you're experiencing euphoria or not. i'm not really trying to go off it, because the nerve tingles are still there, even if the real pain is gone. might reduce it to twice a day instead of three times, though.

i can sit in my comfy chair for quite a while now, so i've been playing minecraft, listening to the thunder, and eating a footlong spicy italian that's more veggies than bread. what a good way to spend an afternoon.

deliberately not doing any mod work for a couple more days, because i honestly feel like i deserve a few days of real rest, not just lying around bc i can't do anything else, you know? i may or may not get to the name changes but i'm definitely not wrangling drama.

 

I GOT IN THE POOOOOOOOL



actual footage

 

couldn't sleep bc relentless barrage of bad thoughts. brain, 99% of those things, i can't do anything about, and the rest i can work on if you LET ME SLEEP.

well, at least i have this snugglecat.

 

new term for antis: UBAIGST. Underage Bloggers Against Icky Grownup Sex Things. just... rolls off the tongue, don't it?

 

i am not surprised, exactly, that it's taking my brain a long time to come back to life after the last few weeks. just the doctor appointments, so many in quick succession, would've knocked me back even if there wasn't also pain, medications that fucked with my mind and dreams and sleep schedule, changes in my diet and digestion, etcetera. it might take weeks before i'm able to think properly again. this is pretty much to be expected.

and yet i keep forgetting. and i keep feeling frustrated and/or guilty when i can't brain. seebs's birthday is tomorrow and i would've completely forgotten it if barb hadn't reminded me. i forget everyone's birthdays all the time, mind. but not usually seebs's. we played quiplash the other night and i had a hell of a time thinking up responses, and sometimes by brain would just get stuck looping. last night i didn't seem to have the leverage to shunt my thoughts off the Human Suffering Is Eternal track onto any other sort of topic. which is extra frustrating because like, i have spent literally decades building that skill, and having it randomly crap out on me is scary as hell.

anyhow, i just needed to grumble about it a bit.

grumbling and slowbrain aside, things are actually pretty good hereabouts. weather's gorgeous, spinning wheel is fixed so i can get a little mild exercise for my legs, kitty is still snuggle even though i'm not in bed all day, i'm finding lots of good fic, and barb DID remember seebs's bday and thus there will be citrus cake and pizza and possibly family movie night. <3

oh, and while my spinning wheel was broken my spinning stool sat in seebs's room, where it was molly's throne, and being in my room now doesn't change that. but it had its legs off and was being a footrest in there. in here it's got its legs on and is just a little lower than chair height. so molly grumbles mightily about having to actually jump to get onto her throne. cat grumbles! a world in which a cat mutters audibly to herself can't be a bad world.

 

i just realized something: judas didn't betray jesus for the money, he did it to spare the other disciples. that's why the bit about kissing jesus to identify him. the romans were perfectly capable of arresting, torturing, and executing the entire dinner party, and didn't have much reason not to -- unless someone made their job easier by pointing out the ringleader.

 

i have 2 sets of curtains for my bedroom. the idea is to swap them seasonally, both for atmosphere and so we can periodically wash the allergens out. this is a brilliant idea frankly. but it also relies on ppl wrangling big swathes of cloth and fairly heavy curtain rods over windows full of plants, glass tanks, bugs, and toad. which is understandably intimidating. result: i had the red winter curtains up all last summer and over the winter again, and now they're basically great big allergy bombs.

when we do get around to swapping them out for the blue ones, the air in my room is going to be allergen soup. i will be a benadryl zombie for days.

we should've timed this with being an oxycodone zombie for max zombie efficiency. oh well.

 

POOOOOOOOOOOL


i look like the face of boe but what’s important is this vinyl bag of water i’m in.