bandit king of lunch and string

i think the animal spawning algorithms in this mod are hecked up

 

turns out the 'animania' mod is all kinds of adorable and makes farming extra fun BUT if the animals spawn in an area with natural resources they will completely take over, because they eat food off the ground, including long grass and flowers, and drink from rivers, and this makes them breed. also bulls will get inside your garden fence somehow, eat all your crops, and attack you when you try to shove them out. i now have lots of leather and steaks!

 

so i have this thing with food, where sometimes food just isn't food and i don't want it. it happens mostly when i'm stressed, and seems to be connected to sensory processing disorder somewhat. and then sometimes food is real good and i kinda pig out because it's my chance to get some goddamn nutrition in me. well, it seems prednisone temporarily fixes the It's Not Anorexia I Just Don't Wanna Eat, whatever the correct term for it is, because i just went downstairs to get my usual breakfast of a vitamin shake and a peanut butter sandwich, but i saw leftover pizza in the fridge and LOST MY GOTDAM MIND.

a sensible part of my mind was saying, "take half. leave the rest for seebs. you can't eat it all and you're being rude." it rolled its eyes and gave up as i piled the entire whack of leftovers on a plate and shoved it in the microwave.

so of course now i have half the reheated pizza congealing on a paper towel because Sensible Brain was right and i could absolutely not eat it all.

the reason i'm blaming it on the prednisone is that while i do occasionally take more than i can eat on these Actually Food Is Pretty Ok circumstances, i don't generally get the hungry crazies about it. also, even though i'm overfull and a little queasy, i'm still craving that vitamin shake. mmm choco milk.

 

yeah, sounds about right. my poor little island. it's less than a chunk in diameter. it now contains twenty seven cows and nineteen pigs.

i did not attempt to count the chickens.

 

yeah, that's what my doc said, and technically i accept it, but you can't tell people anorexia if it's a sensory disorder, they get psychological at you. i don't starve to punish myself and then eat my feelings, or whatever the mainstream media trope is. i just... don't want to put things in my mouth and chew, most of the time. i don't want to experience food smells. they're too intense. they make me tired. and then when that turns off for a bit, i hurry up and shove a bunch of protein and vitamins in my face asap because i might not get another chance for like four days, you know?

at no point is there like... guilt or self-hatred or body image or anything involved in this. it's 100% neural dysfunction.

edit: i just realized that sounds dismissive of people whose anorexia is psychologically based. i don't mean it like that. i meant to be dismissive of ableist assumptions about what anorexia is/means.

 

incidentally, this thing started about a year after i quit smoking. tobacco numbs your sense of taste and smell, so food was mostly nbd unless it had an Unacceptable Texture or was guilty of being mustard or whatever. food i liked, i liked. i had executive dysfunction problems with preparing it, and a hard time figuring out whether i was hungry, but actually eating it was cool.

then my senses recovered from nearly 30 years of smoking, and hooboy, food is TOO MUCH. so i tend to stick to a small playlist of usually-ok meals and rely on the fact that i need to take my painkillers with food. still kind of an effort to make myself eat, most days.

speaking of reliable meals, i just made my childhood comfort food STOO NOODLE, and i think campbell's has stopped putting peas in their beef barley soup! this is a Good Thing. they were undesirable peas. they were starchy and bland, somehow mooshy and tough both at once, and i have been picking them out as long as i've been on solid foods. but tonight i poured the soup in the pan and went to start the pea removal process, and... NO PEAS!

i put too much pepper in, though. i forgot about how pepper tastes more... more now, and made it with as much pepper as i used to when i smoked. so i'm taking a break to let my tongue un-prickle.

 

also also: seebs has a foot thing, and went to the clinic, and came back and was like "i have my own prednisone, with blackjack and hookers" <3

 

I also have a thing rn in which food is not food. It used to happen once in a blue moon when I got tired of all my low spoons options. I could usually find a substitute.

Since starting welbutrin, it happens like all the time and the only thing that is consistently food is cereal T.T

It's probably just lower appetite from med side effect, since that coninsides with when it started. But it sure is annoying.

Doctors aren't going to take my lack of appetite seriously because I'm overweight, tho...

Edit: added a bit more and also switched out the med because I got them confused, lol

 

our nick is 20! he baked his own bday cake because he likes baking. alas, i have food aversion pretty bad today, so i doubt i'll eat my whole slice, but i can still tell it's pretty dang good. gluten free baking has come a long way in the past few years. i'd suggest he open a gluten free bakery if he wasn't so clearly destined to be a translator.

anyway, congrats @strictly quadrilateral on your successful orbit, we love you and we're glad you're here. <3

 

grump! 'sprout' became crashy and now it won't open. there was too much going on. probably all the animals breeding and breeding. i spent an hour confining a few critters to fenced runs and killing the rest, went exploring, came back and my island was overrun again. in disgust i was like "fine you can have it" and went exploring in a different direction, found a town, and then bam, crashy crashy.

downloaded 'minecolonies offical' because i've been craving villager complexity, but... no magnet mode, no mods that have a magnet item you can cheat in. running around to pick up everything i break is not my idea of fun. it's my idea of carpal tunnel. so that's unplayable.

so now i'm downloading 'stoneblock' which is like a skyblock but you start underground i guess? hoping third time is the charm. :/

 

'stoneblock' is SO RESTFUL. it's pretty much just like sky adventures, except you start in a little bubble in a world of plain stone. i thought it might be claustrophobic but honestly it feels oddly safe. you can't fall off the world, you don't have to get up to shenanigans with lava and water to go downwards, and there's none of that endless sifting for pebbles just to get one more meter of space to stand on. you want another room, you dig one.

i dunno if it's the way the questbook is written, or just my own mood, but i didn't feel any sense of hurry from the quests. i feel like i can take all the time i want to dig a nice big cavern for trees, and i don't mind letting the chickens run every damn where, and i'm cool with using this stone pick for quite a while without rushing to build a smeltery.

it's just. good.

additionally, i discovered that (at least temporarily) cold pizza is food even though hot pizza isn't, and i'm properly full. it actually felt a little strange to stop eating because i'd had enough, rather than because i couldn't make myself put food in my mouth anymore. not hungry is a nice feeling tho.

watching meenah try to figure out how to eat pizza bones is comedy gold. purring and chewing, chewing and purring. i don't think she actually consumed any. she just gnawed.

i stayed up way too late, and i'm not at all sure the prednisone will let me sleep tonight. but i'm fairly contented anyway. i'm gonna go lie down and relax, and if i don't fall asleep after an hour or two, i can always get back up and play more stoneblock.