Stops lurking because I don't know how to navigate things and need advice. I'm in a relationship. Both of us have BPD, I have DPD, he has a few other disorders (ADHD being one), and both of us struggle with depression/anxiety/PTSD from abuse. We're trying to figure out how to communicate and work through problems without breaking the fuck down. If person A is uncomfortable/needs to bring something up, the invitation is there for them to do it, and person B will try their hardest not to break the fuck down, buuuut there's a good chance person B will end up spiraling and apologizing, and then person A feels bad for saying anything, but person B feels bad for shutting down communication, and both of us end up just trying to keep the other person from panicking and the issue doesn't get dealt with. Both of us are pretty good at recognizing irrational thought patterns in ourselves. I know, logically, that him saying "sometimes I think we could work on this" does not mean "I hate you, I am leaving you and I want you dead thanks bye", but the reaction comes anyways, even though both of us are trying very hard to make it clear that room for improvement does not equal complete and total failure. How do we get past this? I'm out of ideas.