Discussion in 'General Advice' started by gills, Mar 24, 2016.
I thiiink I did that one right.
using periods to replace the spaces worked well enough!
@Petra i'm....really nervous about DBT because of bad experiences with a therapist who used it, but that therapist also thought depression and anxiety were the same thing and told me i couldn't have a personality disorder(s) because if i did i would be dead by now (later therapist disagreed with this.)
also thanks both you and @blue for attempting to send sharks. they got a little messed up but we all have our flaws and i won't judge them.
Wooooow, that therapist sounds like they should not be practicing. It's understandable to not be intimately familiar with every mental illness, it's not understandable to do that with your ignorance.
That particular therapist sounds like an idiot.
i agree. she did more harm than good.
I've been really lucky in that I've never had an actively harmful therapist, even if some didn't click really well with me. Some of the stories I've heard from other people, though...
...well, it's part of why I don't unilaterally offer 'have you considered therapy' to people. That and I understand better now that sometimes it takes jumping through a lot of hoops to get. Obviously I am all for the benefits for therapy even for people without mental illnesses, but you have to find the right one!
Could you go to campus but just hole up in the library for the day?
is there any benefit to seeking out therapy even if i can't find a therapist that deals specifically with what i need help with? or would that potentially just make things worse because they don't understand what they're dealing with? would it be better than nothing?
@budgie no, not really. there's no library and if you're not actively working they'll just send you home.
Well that's balls. Is there anywhere nearby you could go so that you could believably claim to have been on campus?
And you know what? If your DPD treatment is, say, climbing a rock-climbing wall, sure, maybe you were halfway up and after this you're at the bottom again. But now you know where the handholds and footrests and best paths are, and you've got some more strength and practice, and you'll get to where you were faster than the first time.
I think it would be best for you to see some kind of therapist, but also that you should straight-up say that you have BPD and DPD and want to know if they have any experience working with people with those PD's. Just because they don't specialize doesn't mean they can't be helpful at all, and they might possibly have contacts that do specialize.
Also, have a leopard shark, they're pretty:
It sounds like the main risk with a therapist who doesn't have a really solid understanding of DPD is that you could become dependent on the therapist, which could negate a lot of the benefits you get out of the clinical relationship. But I'm not an expert.
campus is about....6 rooms, and there is one room i am allowed to be in for most of the day (exceptions are made for bathroom breaks and grabbing supplies from storage.) so. not really.
....i'm not even sure what a full recovery would look like though. and i'm not sure that i did it right the first time. prior to meeting ex i could make myself do things in an empty mechanical kind of way and i felt empty and emotionless except for the occasional bout of overwhelming terror and selfhatred. if that's recovery then...it's not that appealing. i was the most functional i've ever been while i was talking to him....would...would that have been bad if it was a healthy relationship? i know everyone says it's not good to be clingy and dependent but would it have been so bad if we hadn't been hurting each other with it?
yeah, i think i'm going to look again. it might help and it might not, maybe it would be good to just do SOMETHING.
@WithAnH i mean, i guess there's a risk? but i'm kind of terrified of therapists and i have to force myself to open up to them, it's hard to envision the complete "i am in awe of you, my life revolves around you and i will throw myself at your feet" kind of trust that usually accompanies dependency for me (i mean, that trust can be negated later, as shown by pretty much this entire thread, but it's what makes the connection.)
I would say recovery is not just about being able to outwardly do things, but being emotionally fulfilled at the same time.
Like. Is it good to be functional? Yeah! But when I am in a really bad depressive rut and can hardly feel anything, I am not recovered even if I somehow am able to Do The Things.
I was thinking more like a coffeeshop or something nearby.
I don't think you being at your most functional while talking to an SO is inherently bad; seebs and jacktrash help each other be more functional. but afaik the goal of DPD recovery is that you don't need someone else to be happy and fulfilled. For example, I will happily spend hours chatting with my SO while browsing/playing games/etc., but my day doesn't fall apart when I don't talk to him at all.
I think the problem is that DPD tendencies select for relationships with people who will hurt you, if that makes sense?
Most people who are looking for a healthy relationship, I think, would be very uncomfortable with being asked to approve all of a partner's decisions for them. They would expect that there are spheres of a potential partner's life that they won't be a part of, and that both/all partners would have a degree of independence and autonomy.
And the people who aren't uncomfortable with their partner needing their approval for every aspect of the partner's life are likely to be abusive.
This doesn't excuse how your recent ex treated you or make it your fault. It makes him a creep who preys on people's vulnerabilities.
THIRD EDIT: I am trying to phrase this point in a way that isn't victim blamey and I'm not sure I got it. Someone help?
@WithAnH well, i'm not suggesting that a relationship where one partner has to make even the smallest basic decisions for the other is a healthy one; i don't enjoy having to hope someone else will make those decisions for me. i'm talking more on the lines of....general clinginess, i guess. is there any way to be in a healthy relationship if you need a lot of attention?
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