Ah, good luck with that! And don't worry, I talk to deter panic as well (and carsickness, and tears, and fear, and- basically I just talk a lot). Take the opportunity of housesitting to treat yourself. Raid someone else's fridge for neat stuff you might not have at home. Explore unfamiliar dvd collections. xD
well. last night and this morning were. horrible. he called me a bunch of times while i was driving, i messaged him as soon as i saw but he didn't answer, i was worried and called him a few times, he finally answered and said "i'm fine. shut up. i'm just fucking going to bed." and hung up. so i did spend another night by myself and i couldn't sleep. he messaged me this morning and i promptly split on him, signed out for fifteen minutes, and signed back in and apologized. he said he understands i was splitting but he doesn't want to talk today. Spoiler: suicide talk ......i am in a house full of loaded guns and. really. really not doing well.
Do you have anyone who can come sit with you for a while? A friend or sibling? You don't necessarily need to tell them why you wanna hang out - maybe just 'I'm feeling lonely - do you wanna come over and watch a movie?'
i'm hesitant to call a crisis line because my past experiences with them have done more harm than good; something about the way they typically address things affects me in a bad way. also i don't want to say "help i'm suicidal" because i'm scared of getting cops called and i would a million times rather die than have my family called and involved in hospital bills etc because they would make my life hell in any way they could afterwards.
Aw man that sucks. =( In so many ways. I'm sorry you have to go through this dude. I don't know if anything I can say will help, except that I don't think killing yourself is the solution to anything, because besides anything else it won't help your partner either. Is there any way you can find out if there's any people on this forum who are in your area or willing to try and help to give you someone you can hang out in rl with or something?
i left the house for a little bit. i'm near a big city so i'm just going to go ride buses for awhile. maybe buy some food.
That sounds good if it calms you down. Treat yourself to your favourite food. Listen to some nice music or read a good book while you're on the bus.
it's not really calming me down, it just takes away the option to do something really stupid. which is the best i can hope for right now, i think.
Well, whatever makes it less likely for you to do something regrettable. Because it WOULD be regrettable, believe me.
well.....i don't really see how it would be. i wouldn't be around to regret it, i have no friends, i honestly don't care how my family feels and i don't believe human life has inherent value. i just know i'm not supposed to do it because it's 'wrong', by whoever's standards.
You have your partner. Who would undoubtedly be extremely saddened, because he never got to make things better with you. And I'd be very upset.
right now i can't make a call on whether that would be bad for him or not. i can tell i'm not being calm or rational so i can't make a call on that. i am sorry that you would be upset, but strangers offing themselves on the internet are generally pretty forgettable, aren't they?
Believe me, I wouldn't forget that I'd failed you that badly. I once talked someone out of killing themselves, but we lost touch, and I still think about them sometimes and wonder if they're okay and their life is better.
that....wouldn't really mean you'd failed me, though? you have no obligation or responsibility towards me, we've barely interacted.
i can't make it through another night by myself i just. can't. i'm sitting in the house shaking and crying and he won't answer me. i'm just. giving up. i can't do this, i fucked up the one thing i cared about.
You didn't fuck it up. You were doing very well, and you made a mistake, and since then honestly he has done more wrong than you have. You need to talk to someone better trained than me, I'm so sorry.
Spoiler: heavy suicide talk tried to break up with boyfriend and then attempted. couldnt make gun work and rope broke. i dont know what to do. i passed out for awhilr and my head is spinning. im alone. i dont have anyone to call.
