breakup: bleh

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by gills, Mar 24, 2016.

  1. gills

    gills dead

    both of those are completely possible. i am just trying to fight through paranoia and the fear of this being some elaborate plan.

    ....ex bf did set up a plan for me to spy on the friends and get them to confess things via confidential conversations that were not in fact confidential because i was reporting everything back to him, btw. that was a thing that happened and that i went along with despite being really uncomfortable with it. specifically this was an incident where he suddenly cut all of them off, waited, and told me to message them saying i hadn't heard from him in a long time and was very worried, and then tell him what they said in response. it was weird.
  2. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    Let's say this is some crazy elaborate plan. He's already broken up with you and blocked you, and you've survived that. What else could he do to you that you're not already dealing with?
  3. gills

    gills dead

    i'm not sure. the only thing i can come up with is something along the lines of a callout post. he is a very persuasive person and could no doubt chase me off tumblr and away from people that i am now talking to (because i'm making a huge effort to form connections with others and not let myself fall into another situation where i have no one left.)
  4. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    I don't think that's what's happening here. I'd say wait until tomorrow and if the person hasn't gotten back to you, send another polite message asking if they saw the previous one you sent. Give it a little time, try to distract yourself from your paranoia if you can.
    Last edited: May 6, 2016
  5. paladinkit

    paladinkit brave little paladin

    That effort is really good. I'm super glad that you're making it, even though the paranoia makes it hard. Sorry I'm not necessarily greatest at arguing against the paranoia, but I just wanted to let you know that you are awesome for fighting this hard and you can do this.
    • Like x 1
  6. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

  7. budgie

    budgie not actually a bird

    A possibility : most of the people I know cue a lot of things on Tumblr; activity there doesn't mean they're online.

    Talking to people is hard enough for me and I just have social anxiety; I can't imagine how much harder it might be for you, and I'm proud of you for reaching out despite it.
  8. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    So how is it going today?
  9. gills

    gills dead

    got a message from the person i was in contact with last night saying they and friends had a really hard day and weren't up to talking about something that emotionally loaded. we're planning on a different day but i'm not sure when.
  10. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    Ah, okay. But how are you feeling?
  11. gills

    gills dead

    sort of a mixed bag? it was a weird day. i might be able to call someone tonight which would be nice. i've been trying really hard not to stay isolated.
  12. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    That's good! Crossing my fingers for you that you get that call.
  13. gills

    gills dead

    i hope i will. hearing someone's voice does a lot to keep me from feeling isolated.
  14. gills

    gills dead

    ok, friends and i still have not had the conversation.

    what i have learned: being bitter, petty and spiteful is both easier, more fun, and more guilt-inducing than being sad. i am not sure which one is more morally correct. the sad is currently happening and it is not fun.
    • Like x 3
  15. gills

    gills dead

    why did he have to be pretty. why did he have to be the kind of pretty where his selfies end up on my dash. fuck.
    • Like x 2
  16. gills

    gills dead

    me: i'm doing really well actually i'm not crying any more
    me: *slowly realizes that i have felt no emotions at all for the past while and have basically been intensely dissociating for weeks*
    me: oh
  17. Petra

    Petra space case

    Anything I can do to help?
  18. gills

    gills dead

    ok. i talked to the friend group.

    i found out we all got treated in very similar ways, we all got kind of pitted against each other to fight for his affection, it's just. a mess. really.

    he clearly holds a grudge against them. he sent one of them a snapchat two days ago (they'd deleted but hadn't blocked him) of an event he knew the other person wanted to go to and couldn't, but he could. if he's still mad at them he's definitely still mad at me.

    i probably shouldn't have a new boyfriend when i'm still shaken up about this one but my inability to feel like a whole person on my own has overridden that.
    • Like x 4
  19. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    wow, that is sorta fucked up.

    But now you know, and you can all laugh about how fucked up it was, and you can inform him that instead of fighting for his affection, you are now all fighting over a soggy french fry that you found at the bottom of a bag once. And that you are all much happier.
  20. Zin

    Zin Professional Lurker

    Holy shit, @gills . I'm glad you're out of his grip right now, reading through this thread has been really... damn.

    How are you doing today?
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