breakup: bleh

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by gills, Mar 24, 2016.

  1. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    if you don't think that taking a break would be helpful, then that's your prerogative! I can definitely sympathize with defaulting to dripping tears and snot like a faucet if undistracted. I suppose being at home would make it harder for you to distract yourself? regardless I think distracting yourself is a good idea that you should try to pursue once your work is over.
     
    • Like x 1
  2. rats

    rats 21 Bright Forge Shatters The Void

    advice: i'd pass on the mascara for now :uu less effort + less mess later = win/win right now, imo
     
    • Like x 1
  3. gills

    gills dead

    ok well there's 20 minutes of class left and...mission sort of accomplished i guess? i haven't cried. i have come very close to crying but i have not cried. no mascara streaks.
     
    • Like x 4
  4. gills

    gills dead

    ok never mind i set foot outside the building and the tears are happening. marginally less embarrassing on the bus since i will probably never see any of these people again but still ew
     
    • Like x 1
  5. gills

    gills dead

    .....tonight is worse than last night was and i did not plan on that
     
  6. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    @gills witnessed and sorry, dude. is there anything you or anyone else could do to make you feel better? or do you just kinda want to be left alone?
     
  7. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

  8. theambernerd

    theambernerd dead to all sense of shame

    :hugs as well:

    I'm sorry, that's super rough ;; witnessed. Wish I could do more to help!
     
  9. gills

    gills dead

    i have no idea what i want tbh. i called in sick to class today, i dunno if thatvwas the right decision, i guess i'll find out.

    i have a bad habit of torturing myself when i'm already sad and then becoming more sad and then torturing myself more and that's. basically all i'm doing now.
     
    • Like x 1
  10. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    what do you mean by "torturing yourself"?
     
  11. gills

    gills dead

    things like going back in my blog and rereading old interactions and listening on repeat to this one poem he used to read me when i was panicking or sad
     
  12. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    sounds like that kind of thing isn't really helping you and that you're aware of that, but if you can't help it I understand.
     
  13. theambernerd

    theambernerd dead to all sense of shame

    Is there anything you like doing that helps you get completely out of reality for a while? For me when I stress-break I re-read a webcomic I like, something about reading a webcomic makes me completely forget the real world. Or I'll watch a really fluffy anime. If there's something like that, being able to take a break from those thoughts might help?
     
  14. gills

    gills dead

    well i caved and messaged him i hate myself
     
  15. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    what did you say to him?
     
  16. gills

    gills dead

    i apologized and said even if he doesn't love me i'll be friends with him and i won't make it all about me anymore
     
  17. gills

    gills dead

    he didn't say yes. he's mad at me. he says he's going to think about things.
     
  18. esotericPrognosticator

    esotericPrognosticator still really excited about kobolds tbqh

    what did you apologize for specifically? and I assume it's not the first time you've apologized? also just from reading this thread (and from knowing that you're diagnosed with DPD) I get the impression that even if you think you're making it all about you, you quite probably are actually being unusually selfless. I understand wanting to say anything to someone to keep them in your life, really I do, but if he agrees with you that you're occupying too much of his attention, I would definitely urge you to consider why he holds that false belief and what it might say about him. but I wish you luck with waiting for a reply and hope that he is willing to be your friend again, if that's what you want.
     
  19. gills

    gills dead

    for breaking everything off after he said he didn't love me. three other friends cut him off already this week and i promised i wasn't going to leave unless he asked me to.

    part of me is also mad because he lied to me a bunch of times early in the relationship and i forgave him without a second's hesitation every time and he promised he was never going to leave me and he was always going to love me and that i could never be too clingy for him and all of that fell apart. and now i have a nonrefundable plane ticket to fly out and meet him and all the gifts i bought him for his birthday. but i panicked and ran as soon as he said he didn't love me anymore and he was done with the honeymoon romance infatuation deal and that was was wrong. it shouldn't be his job to take care of me, that's an exhausting job and i am a wreck 24/7 and need to stop hoping someone will do that for me.

    i. literally can't tell if he's doing anything wrong because he's my depended and my favorite person and it's hard to not see him through a lense of "this is a perfect person who could not possibly do anything wrong ever". and like. even if he does it's easier to assume it's my fault somehow.

    ...what is a good balance? what would that look like? for a long time we called almost every night, we didn't always talk sometimes just fell asleep on call together. we messaged constantly throughout the day too. that was probably a lot and i acknowledge that. by the time things fell apart he didn't want to call at all anymore (he called a very few times over about two weeks, no call lasted longer than an hour) and he shot me a few messages a day saying he was going to be absent, unless he was mad at someone and needed to vent. but he was going through a lot and had fallen out of love with me, which would explain the drop in communication even if i didn't know it at the time. i don't think i'm making sense, i'm really scattered and i don't know how i should feel and i'm pretty sure even if i grovel sufficiently for him to let me back into his life i'm not really going to feel much better but hey, i can be either miserable and trying to help him or i can be miserable by myself.
     
  20. gills

    gills dead

    i am probably worrying too much because he's probably not going to let me come back anyways. when i messaged him he said (direct stitched-together quote) "i don't want to keep myself trapped in this spiral of always trying to fix things. i've been functioning just fine, i don't need to keep trying to fix something that never really existed in the first place. i don't mean to sound like a heartless asshole but i'm already moving on. honestly? i unfollowed your blogs, cleaned up my blogs, deleted you on skype and from my phone, cried for about ten minutes, then got up and moved on."

    he said afterwards that he'd think about it but. yeah. i love that i can be dropped out of people's lives at any given time and they won't miss me. //sarcasm
     
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