can y'all get around to modding my posts through quicker please

(clarification: i dont agree that the mods are using hyperbole. i do agree that the tone of some of their posts above are counter-intuitive given that they lead to reactions from townghost like this one what with the accusations of sadism and what not)

edit: but also their tone is completely valid because if it were me i'd be losing my patience too and would thus be kinda snarky and short so.,,,

 

we straight up do not know what posts aren't being let through. in the past, its turned out that posts that weren't being let through were significantly worse than what the mods described.

also every single time someone has cried "mods (as a group) are abusing me by not letting my posts through!" its been proven that actually they were abusing the mods. mods arent obligated to have a helpful tone or w/e towards someone who is likely hurling abuse at them behind closed doors.

 

"saying “here’s stuff you did, here’s what it means” to a person who is unable to understand or comprehend what you’re talking about is always and will always be a malicious lie and a trap designed to take away my agency. dude"

I'm pretty sure the people doing this are either mods, in this thread, or both, and the person who's unable to understand what they're talking about is townghost.

so like. a more direct way of putting it, if I'm right, would be something like:

"people keep saying that things I do are evil and telling me to stop. I don't understand the logic behind declaring these specific actions evil, and I've said this, but they still want me to accept it without understanding it. it's pretty fucked up to demand someone comply with rules they don't understand. how do I know if you're pointing out a real problem vs yanking my chain? I don't trust anybody not to lie to me once they have power like that. I'm going to hold onto my own perceptions, and it's abusive to berate me for trusting myself more than I trust you"

still doesn't specify who-all townghost is talking about, because I don't know. personally, I do a lot of social by having a sort of aggregate understanding of things various people have said to me without noting down who said what -- if he's got something similar going on he might not know. although, imo quotes/examples would help a lot even if the overall narrative was still kinda messy due to not telling people apart -- it'd at least let people know which exact behaviors were in question instead of trying to match up a vague description to something that happened, idk, probably recently? maybe in this thread?

in general, townghost -- citations help, quotes help, names help, when you're trying to get a point across. (this is not permission to doxx; I'm talking about, in a multi-person forum thread, the usernames of the specific people you're addressing.) your internal state is your own, and you don't have to always share the identities of everyone involved and which post reminded you of a general issue you want to discuss, but some form of "I was reading (quote) and I can't fucking believe this" context before you launch into a rant would be really useful in situations where you're trying to communicate anger or disapproval about a thing someone said/did. for instance, in the case of "here's stuff you did, here's what it means," which I don't think was a direct quote of something someone said to you, it might be clearer to use a quote where you think someone was using that tactic.

 

submission and diapers literally have nothing to do with sexuality to me.

i apologize for the entitlement on this thread but some of the replies fucking triggered whatever mental illness i have
LOOK. GUYS. i wanted to be sweet when i first came here. just blend in and talk about the new homestuck characters or whatever.

BUT, I GOT TRIGGERED and now that casts a shadow over everything.
if i start suddenly being sweet now it's gonna cause more problems and seem like i'm not being genuine.
i'm not capable of just switching back to being the new kid who wants to fit in. I AM kind of entitled because i gave you my vulnerability now i expect something back.

it's hard for me to go back and comb through everything and make it make sense ON MY OWN.

if i ever said something sexual to somebody, IT WAS NOT REAL, it was either a joke or something i said when i was triggered. when i say people deserve to get raped and shit, which i do say to people so it's possible i said it to someone here? it actually means like, NOBODY DESERVES TO GET RAPED. i'm just not saying that. i'm using the example of how fucked up it is for me to say to you for you to realize it's not okay for it to happen to me. or for anybody. just because i'm expressing myself in a traumatized way doesn't mean i actually promote being sexual with somebody without full 100% CONSENT and fore-discussion. ask anybody i've been with. i'm not gonna actually get someone i've been with to disclose our personal sexual experiences but seriously, i know who i am and i know i don't believe that any form of RAPE or sexual boundary crossing of any kind is okay. i consider even sexual talk that's unexpected to be a mild form of boundary crossing and that triggers me. like, even being sexual in front of anyone who's not actually discussed and consented to it makes me feel probably 100 times more awful than the average male.

@Chiomi

i'm not even sure how to begin addressing this person because their entire post is an airtight attack designed to basically make it impossible for me to deny being a rapist. they didn't define what was sexual and kinky, then went on to call it sexual harrassment, then dipped. to explain how this makes me emotionally feel... it's... so pissed i don't even know how to think. everything flew out the window when i read that post because this person is making an attack on my dignity and reputation and not leaving any room for argument. it's all-out war. sexual harrassment is a crime. i could become a registered sex offender, i could be blacklisted from jobs and communities, this person is out to ruin my life. that's what my mentality is like. and they're making it clear they don't give a fuck. this WHOLE PERSON is a problem. they are using huge weapons here. it could take days for me to realize that's not real, and if i don't make an equally strong push back right now, it becomes less and less likely that they'll back down. IT'S WAR. it's FULL DANGER MODE. if it wasn't clear that this is what's happening to me, now it is. i don't know who this person is, they could be reporting me to the FBI right now. i'm self-destructive enough to call this stuff on myself. i just feel like all of this was obvious. i just feel like they know what they're doing. they would have been laughing at this post right now, because they got exactly what they watned by dragging this post out of me. it's SUBMISSION. it has nothing to do with sex. submission is not a kink. it's a response that happens when an animal is under threat. no idea how the fuck that's sexy! no idea how the idea of babies shitting in diapers is sexy! it's being scared and powerless. that's all i'm saying. it's absolutely insane to call it sexual harrassment. i can't believe i have to explain this

 

someone is probably gonna correct me on submission, i didn’t look it up. to me i basically extrapolate from the colloquial definition of “submit” which is “to give up”. i’m really confused as to if this is the actual sexual harassment that is referred to though

 

it’s not a wide eyes rounded doe act, it’s just me stating facts to you. it’s just a person being entirely literal. you thinking it has something to do with sex is entirely you. that’s you inserting sex into my words. i literally just told you i don’t appreciate that. is this fucking for real?

 

i’m getting nd really pissed and tired of explaining myself to people who will just say that what i’m saying is a lie. i’ve also literally explained that i don’t know what i mean, i forget and block shit out often. above you is a post that says i block shit out. you can say “i don’t believe you” but you literally can’t determine the truth of what i’m saying to you. when a person tells you something about themselves, that’s that person’s to own. what you’re saying has no merit

 

this is quite obviously a concerted effort to paint me as something i’m
not by multiple people. i’m starting to feel a lot more validated in my assumption of you as manipulators

 

all of this is just... gonna take a lot of repentance to even get back to the point where i would begin to trust you honestly. you are gonna have to start owning up to your side of the conflict

 

you are... right now, involving me in something sexual that i don’t want, and denying that i said i don’t want it. you are telling me i want sex, and refusing to hear me when i’m saying i don’t want it. are you even listening to yourself?

 

@townghost

I'm gonna be real honest with you: pretending that the words 'i hope you get raped' SOMEHOW translate to 'nobody deserves to get raped' in the perhaps greatest disconnect from actual reality i've seen in a long time.
And the fact that you somehow expect people to divine that is making me really doubt either your mental state or in how good a faith You're engaging here

 

submission does not always have a sexual connotation, but specifically in conjunction with accusing people of being sadistic? boy does it ever. Or is BDSM another acronym we're gonna need to have a 17 page thread arguing the definition of?

 

I apologize the last bit of that was petty and uncalled for.

 

So, first of all, thanks for calming down and explaining things, @townghost. I disagree with you in several places, but your last post (at least, the one that got through) was expressed in a much more healthy way, and I appreciate it.

(Edit: it was the last at the time, more have gotten through post mod since. I was referring to the post that began "submission and diapers literally have nothing...")

Yes, that is indeed the issue here. That's what Chiomi was complaining of. I believe you when you say you don't have those kinks. I might even believe that you weren't consciously thinking of the sexual connection when you wrote it, but it was definitely there for the people who read it. You know that you sometimes say overtly sexual things when you're upset, such as talking about rape, so of course you'd also say subtly sexual things. Maybe you didn't think about it because you have practice saying things that upset people. Sadly, even the unhealthy things we do when we're suffering get "better" with practice.

We get that. We know about mental illness here. Those of us who don't have triggers ourselves (if there are any such) have learned about it from those that do. We absolutely get that when you're upset you say things you don't believe and wouldn't say when you're calm.

You still said them. It's fair for people to call you out on behavior that hurts them, even on the worst day of your life. And unfortunately, it may not be possible to do that in a way that isn't very upsetting for you. For some people, any kind of criticism, no matter how constructive and mild, feels like a dangerous and scary attack. I'm that way. And while people shouldn't be and usually aren't deliberately trying to hurt you back, you have just hurt them, so they won't be at their very most gentle and understanding. Being hurt is like that, as you know.

Right now in what you're saying I see a pattern of trying to explain why what you said was okay or not that bad. Things will actually go much better if you accept responsibility for what you did wrong. People who are healthy to be around will react better to an apology than a denial, and it's better for your own recovery, too. (It's not a cure-all, and both apology and recovery have other steps later, but one thing at a time.) It may feel like humiliation, but that's not the point or the intent. You lose way more respect from others by not apologizing than you do by apologizing, and apologizing makes you a stronger person also.

As for the passage in the middle of your long post when you were talking to/about Chiomi. I think I understand from the context that you were describing things that felt true at the time, not things that you actually believe when your mind is clear. But in case it's helpful to you, some reality checks:

• No one here is saying you're a rapist.
• Sexual harassment isn't a crime. A company or something can be sued if they let it happen all the time and don't try to stop it, but no one gets arrested.
• If someone did call the authorities, those authorities probably wouldn't take anything that happened in a forum conversation seriously at all, and if they did they'd look at what you actually said, not how your accuser describes it.
• No one is out to get you or trying to make you feel bad as their goal. The goal is to convince you to change your behavior.

 

Fair. I guess it's hard for me to envision a situation in which someone is being forced against their will by an outside entity to visit a non-physical website with no connection to or affiliation with any kind of official group or organization.

Breaking your own mental patterns or feeling of needing to revisit a place that's maybe not great for you is a whole other beast entirely.

I took Seebs saying TG "hates transmen" as hyperbole as it's been clear from his posts that he doesn't hold animosity for transmen as a group and simply doesn't contect TERF dog whistles to their intended meaning but rather takes them innocently at face value. I don't have context for chiomi claiming TG is sexually harassing mods as this seems to be only happening in posts that get wiggled, but TG clearly reacted in a way that indicates he doesn't understand that what he said could be taken in that context and jumped to the next possible conclusion that mods were lying and/or gaslighting. I believe mods to be being honest while also believing that TG is also being forthright, ergo my best conclusion is that mods are using language that reframes the things TG says, not with any ill intent but as an attempt to demonstrate how it's hurtful, while TG isn't picking that up and thinks they out right lying about things he said.

Its helpful to be able to recontextualize what someone says back to them if they're a) having a conversation in good faith and b) are communicating roughly in the same plane as you. But in this case I really don't think it's helpful and more likely to back fire.