Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by townghost, Oct 30, 2019.
can you prove that or are you just memspouting
also knock it the fuck off with the weird sex-shaming bullcrap. no one asked for your misinformed opinions on why you think certain sexual practices are oh so horrible. the only one bringing up these things you keep accusing people of is you
... OK, I actually think all this talk about other people’s kinks is getting pretty invasive, and treating other people’s reactions to your words as evidence of their sexual proclivities is actually pretty gross.
can you tell me "what's logically going on"? I'm genuinely not sure what you're perceiving here
it'd honestly disturb me to have you acting "sweet and likable." I don't want you to be polite, agreeable, when that's not what you're feeling. I definitely don't want you to go into the fawn response, which I think might be what you're gesturing at when you say "submission." I want you to be respectful of people's boundaries. which -- you can be a fucking asshole and still be respectful of people's boundaries. you can even respect boundaries some times and not others. kindness always allows for partial credit, and you can't fail out.
it seems like you're afraid that if you try respecting a boundary, people won't care? because their opinion of you is already fixed, and new evidence won't change that, because the logic is just excuses? but here, of all places... I think people will care. harm reduction is valued highly here. kintsugi is literally named for the art of kintsugi, which is frequently read as an metaphor for redemption arcs. you aren't out of chances. you can change your behavior. people will notice. people have noticed your behavior, and have reacted to it. people are still noticing your behavior right now.
jacktrash outright told you that if you made fewer posts and made them longer, he'd notice that. you haven't been written off.
Yeah, that's true.
Townghost had been temp banned for the evening and can return to this shit show in 24 hours after they're sober.
This Is Bait.
You've been complaining about people putting words in your mouth all evening. This is suspicious as hell.
Do you even remember when you did this, or did it just fade into the background of bad things that you don't want to remember? Because it sure wasn't something as innocent as calling someone a dick, it was a direct reference to the genitals of a person who was talking to you, intended to hurt, totally out of the blue, and a conversational swerve that was due to absolutely nobody but you. And you were so pleased with it that after the first attempt was wiggled, you tried it it a second time.
I have literally not mentioned your opinions of kink because they're irrelevant to this conversation. If you don't feel safe venting about your trauma here I'd recommend you don't, then! There's plenty of other ways and places to vent. I was attempting to respond to this with my statement:
If bringing up subjects of rape frequently is a consequence of your trauma, like, that's really difficult and I can understand if it's not easy to control, but that doesn't change that what spock has mentioned you doing, specifically I'm currently referring to this list;
Those are serious accusations that no one is taking as something you want, they are taking it as you bringing a traumatic word and scenario into an inappropriate venue, and since many of the people here are similarly traumatized, it is taxing and unpleasant, and it is impossible for this repeated interaction to not color their impression of you. When expressing your displeasure you do not have to go to the most unpleasant thing you can think of, and if you don't think of ways other than referring to rape to express yourself you are going to be considered unpleasant if not impossible to be around.
Hey uh, you might find it easier if you didn’t ascribe motivation to people whom are not yourself.
I replied to you with memes because you replied to an earnest attempt to explain the actual way connotation works (a topic that is literally within my field of expertise, by the way) with "lol me and my friends would laugh at you"
Also, nice dodge. The fact remains that literally no one here has done the things you're accusing them of, while you spout off weird and gross non-sequitors about everyone's sexual preferences. If you want good faith, friendly responses, maybe don't imply that anyone hurt by your intnetionally insulting statements are weird degenerates.
Okay gonna keep this short and simple because TG can't reply until tomorrow but
This is patently false, it is a false reality formed by the combination of your trauma+ I suspect psychosis induced paranoia. This is the classic tin hat "they're all out to get me" conspiracy starting point. I can assure you most poeple here are ambivilant, several people are now extremely annoyed, and some of them are out right pissed, but no one wants anything bad to happen to you.
Treating everyone preemptively as a new abuser and going on the attack right away as a form of defense to a threat that isn't actually there is a HUGE contributing factor to these communication barriers. If you can't accept we're approaching in good faith and continue to be interchangeably aggressive or dismissive and assert motivations that don't exist, then nothing is going to improve. Full stop.
I. Don't really have a solution outside of, "bring this up with a psychiatrist as a concern and work with them to see if antipsychotics help the paranoia," which I know comes with all sorts of its own pitfalls, unfortunately.
yeah i'm not even gonna touch this or argue as to why it's good or bad, i'm just going to avoid mentioning sex/genitals/sexual abuse/consent with people who aren't my therapist
chiomi is on ignore
or in theory on ignore. request that there be no further interaction
That seems like a good approach for now, and I think everyone will appreciate it.
idk, I'd rather townghost felt free to discuss consent. sex, genitals, and sexual abuse, yes, can be cordoned off to therapy while he works out how to safely discuss them with non-professionals, but consent is different -- it's a really fundamental non-sexual communication and relationship skill, and everyone who has relationships or does communication should get to discuss it if they want to.
which doesn't mean I'm asking him to talk about consent -- that's up to him -- I just won't actively cosign a decision to take it off the table on behalf of the kintsugi community
I agree as a matter of general principle. It's important to be able to discuss those things. But if you have a specific person with a long history of accusing people of being rapists and sounding like rapists and using rape analogies and metaphors and saying people deserve to be raped, and they're unable to understand how people end up thinking they said the exact words they said... It is perhaps going to work better for them to work that shit out with a therapist to learn those skills and then try talking about those things with other people.
yeah, this isn't a courtroom, not every coping strategy is legal precedent. lvkz should do what works for him, not what theoretically works for the general population. he has trouble discussing sex and consent in ways that aren't upsetting/triggering for some other people here (or just plain insulting/inappropriate), probably due to people being inappropriate with him irl for a long time, and i think it's absolutely fair and reasonable for him to just avoid the topic on this forum while he works on it in therapy.
it's not fair to demand that he work out how to discuss those things sensitively in a forum environment when they're still so volatile for him. let him take it at his own pace.
quoting so i can state clearly that i approve of this and i think you've made a good choice, lvkz.
food for thought
I am sure you genuinely feel gaslit, and if you have specific examples of things you wish to bring up where you feel the mods have unfairly misrepresented your words, i would appreciate it, but I personally think passive aggression is unlikely to actually help you successfully communicate about this.
As a survivor of severe gaslighting by a narcissistic abuser, this baseless accusation is pretty offensive to me. Much like the rapist accusations from before.
This is not cute.
It's not gaslighting if things actually happened the way people describe them, and conveniently, we keep all these posts around (sometimes in the pear wiggler) so you can go fact-check them for yourself if you want.
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