Chronic depression and other garbage

Every time I go do something with my family I remember why I hate doing anything with my family. We hate each other and can’t agree on anything.

Edit- we are on day two and my sister wants to break into a First Peoples plankhouse.

 

Today we’re leaving on a bigger family vacation, this time with my older sister, my nieces and my brothers GF also involved. Fingers crossed that this goes okay (it won’t, my younger sister is already crying because she forgot some makeup brushes at home and it’s not even 8 am yet)

 

I’m actually doing pretty good!

 

Spoiler- death talk

Spoiler

I hate this I hate myself I hate my brain
Every single day lately I think about how I’m going to die someday. I’m 25. I’m not old. I’m healthy, mostly. Why am I so obsessed with death? Why do I worry about it? I don’t wanna think about it. I want to enjoy my life and think about work and friends and cartoons and video games and my FUTURE. I don’t like this.

 

One of these days I’m going to give up. And I won’t have to deal with this anymore.

 

Hi, @tickingnectarine I kinda felt the same way at 25 and got worn-out on those types of feelings. (I'm 39) Just, there's monotony and I keep going on because it's less than a burden than the mess I would leave because I can't bring myself to straighten it out.

It gets better because the anxiety is like a knife and a person is stone... it just gets too dull to matter.

Or there's always the chance that things will improve like the way those damn optimists mean.

 

I fuckikng shot myself in the metaphorical foot and now i just have to go on limping like i did after i sprained my ankle at kumoricon trying to impress someone

 

What are happy marriages like?

 

Gee Nectarine, how come god lets you have two abusive family members?

 

Fuck you, this is my thread and I can say whatever I want.

Spoiler

Men are evil. White people are evil. Cis people are evil. Straight people are evil. Misandry is a myth made up to protect the patriarchy.

 

Nothing I do, say, or think of matters.

 

someone just fucking kill me.

 

I have the right to hate men, you assholes.

 

Well. My siblings and I have collectively ruined Christmas.

 

Okay, I probably should've posted here again sooner. Christmas wasn't as ruined as I thought. It was actually pretty good. That was a relief.

I'm going to make some new years' resolutions. And posting them here in the hopes that someone can guilt-trip me into keeping them.

1- learn how to cook.
2- learn how to do laundry.
3- exercise at least 4 days a week, every week.

Wish me luck.

 

So far I have exercised like. twice. today is gonna be 3 times. I haven't learned any recipes or done any laundry on my own yet. But I have time!

 

I am basically my mom's support system until she dies.

 

today was mom's first day back after a 3-day vacation and it was, in her words, horrible. because of dad. because of me, in turn. because i didn't prevent it. i hate this. i hate living like this.

 

I am never going to be good enough. Because I'm not a perfect genius handyman butler, I will never be good enough because I cannot meet people's expectations well enough.

I hope I never get married. If mom and dad have shown me anything about relationships it's that marriage is a lie, a scam, a trick to steal people's happiness and money until they die. I'm better off alone.

 

I hate men who use anger to get what they want. I hate men.