Chronic depression and other garbage

I’m so fat and ugly, but food is so good

 

I hate my family. I never want a family. If any of you ever see me in love with someone, remind me I never want a family.

 

I’m never gonna be successful and popular, and may as well kill myself.

 

big disagree

 

Why?

 

success is a big ole vague term so whos to say u cant be successful in some way

also a person has to exist to like do anything enjoyable, therefore dying == no fun

eta: my brain forgot what "depression" means so alternate: living out of either hope or spite is also a solid plan

 

i'm basically only alive due to obligation and fear of death.

 

Today sucks.

 

I’m a fucking loser

 

Mom says it’s not fair if she dies and dad lives.

 

This family can go f itself

 

Mom has cancer. Again. Just got the results of her biopsy from the doctor. She goes to see the doctor again next Monday. I'm worried.

 

Happy fucking Easter, dad made a joke to my mom who has cancer about setting me on fire and we may or may not be canceling the holiday and the visit from family.

 

He’s apparently started arguments with mom four days in a row. Please note that she learned she had cancer this past Monday, it’s currently Sunday. This morning and Friday morning he was screaming at her and trying to gaslight her. She’s not taking this shit and has been shouting back which just sets him off more. There’s been... slamming of something I can’t identify.

He also claimed that he would handle a cancer diagnosis better than mom if he were the one who got that call this week, which is incredibly insulting. How fucking dare you, you ass.

 

I need help with my brain. Actual serious help. Because in my brain, everything is a competition, and if I’m not winning,

I
Should
Die.

 

Suicidal depression sucks. Good thing I only have to deal with it until I kill myself.

 

Feeling really bad again.

 

I’m gonna be fat and ugly and look like a white guy and be alone and depressed forever until I fucking kill myself.