Chronic depression and other garbage

I don't have a great answer, but sharing interests sometimes helps people connect. It's how I'm getting to know people on the forums. It takes a while, but in my experience that's normal.

If it's not too intrusive of me to ask, what sort of cosplay do you do? And are you into any specific fandoms?

 

For cosplay, I've done homestuck and undertale. I also did pearl from Steven Universe but wasn't happy with how it turned out.

For fandoms, any thread I post in on fan town. Homestuck, SU, undertale, Pokémon, sort of dragon age and mass effect. Basically I'm the most generic nerd ever.

 

I would try joining in with the general conversation on one of the Kintsugi skype channels. They are very heavily trafficked.

 

I don't think I would be very welcome there.

 

why not? i am, and i barely talk to anyone on the forum itself.

 

Okay? That's better than pissing everyone off like I do.

 

Mom says she believed she has chronic depression. I don't! I need to get over it and be a normal person. But she has depression. this is fine.jpg

My existence is superfluous. I don't know how to handle emotions or stress properly, but I'm not even mentally ill. I'm just incompetent. I am a leech. Why am I here? Why do I exist?

 

for the record, you've never pissed me off, and i'm part of "everyone", so.

 

If you've read what I've written elsewhere on this forum I find it hard to believe I've never pissed you off.

 

i remember when you posted the "watch me hurt myself" thread, and my response was "are you ok?" (that WAS you, right? massive apologies if not, i have a good memory for events but a bad memory for the people involved.) that didn't piss me off, it just made me worried. you're one of the people whose posts i always read if i see them, and nothing has ever even approached pissing me off. of course, i don't follow the politics thread, so i'm unaware if you're a huge Trump fan or something. but even then it wouldn't piss me off, i would just disagree with you.

anyway if you joined the skype chat i can promise that i for one would welcome you.

 

I'm. kind of the opposite of a trump fan. too far in the other direction. very strong, violent opinions.

why did you worry about me? i was being bad and abusive and manipulative. you should hate me.

 

because you were obviously hurting and in pain, and i don't like it when other people are in pain.

 

... but i was hurting other people. i don't understand, if i'm hurting someone else, why would me being hurt matter?

 

because you're a human being and you are as important as the people you hurt. your feelings are as valid as any others.

the people who felt hurt by your actions are also entitled to their feelings! but they don't cancel yours out.

 

???

 

????

 

I'm such a lazy incompetent piece of trash

 

It's hard but you should try anyway. Isolating yourself from others will never get you what you really want.

 

I feel like I'm not good enough at cosplay.

 

I'm too young to be having a midlife crisis but I feel like I am stagnating. I don't think I've progressed in years. I'm still working at the same store, I'm just in pharmacy now. I have more cosplays but they aren't any better. I think I have roughly the same number of friends as I did last year, and the year before, plus I've been single for a year. I don't know how to pull myself out of this.