So for a couple of weeks now I've been in cognitive behavioral therapy and we have a bunch of goals set up for how I want my behavior to change, and one of the goals we have is for me to stop backing down whenever I have a disagreement with someone, or to back down from even voicing an opinion in the first place bc what if people disagree with me and I'm wrongbad and they'll hate me forever, etc etc etc This goal has proven to be rather difficult to work with, 'cause we're going on a week-to-week basis, and I usually don't have that many discussions in a week. Most my talk is around schoolwork. Buuuuut I have the exact same reaction online as in person. (general pattern: post a thing -> get response of any kind -> get scared and paranoid -> leave discussion with no warning and tries to pretend it never happened, even as i feel like i am made entirely of guilt) Which leads me to think online might be good practice grounds? Practicing on facebook is out because rl family business, tumblr is out bc I might actually get lynched for having bad opinions (chances of this partly being a problem because of tumblr: high as hell), which pretty much only leaves kintsugi as an option and I mean it's a fairly frequent occurrence that i read something i disagree with in tumblr.txt or wherever but chicken out of joining in the talk about it. I've mentioned this possibility in passing to my therapist, but we didn't have the time to discuss it properly. I'm here asking advice: Is intentionally getting into discussions when I know how they affect me a bad idea? What would be the best way to actually go about this, bc I feel like I should take some kind of precautions, but I'm not sure what or how. Separate subaccount so I don't have to deal with things on my main?? Disclaimer in signature so people know what's up if I vanish? if anyone has experience managing their own conflict avoidance that would also be appreciated bc this is making it genuinely difficult to interact with people on a level that isnt 'so hey, exam's next week,' and that gets kinda old after a while :I (so to clarify, I'm not wanting to start fights, nor would I be looking to start fights. The last thing I had a major conflict-avoidant reaction to was saying I thought 50 shades of grey was shit when it turned out one of my acquaintances liked it. I still think she hates me and have barely dared to talk to her since.)
Hello, fellow conflict-avoider here! Not so much conflict as interaction in general, but the gist of it is the same. Talk for a while, get low on social spoons, so I have to tap out. I usually do so without warning, so sometimes people are left in the middle of a conversation 'wtf??'ing. Kintsugi is a great place to practice consistent communication, imo :D. It's so chill, and doesn't tend to make a big deal out of a lot of conflicts. A lot of us have anxiety/avoidance problems, as well, so we feel you, bro!! I find that a lot of the time, it's very easy to just pop into a thread, post a little thing of your own, and not worry about people on the other side of the world hating you (a fear that i often have with a lot of online communities). As for getting into discussions: a lot of methods work for different people, so opinions can be varied here. You could see online interaction as an exposure therapy of some sorts: the more you do it, the more comfortable you feel about it, and the less the anxiety affects you. This is the sort of thing where you set your own boundaries, however. You get to choose when enough is enough, and it is perfectly fine of you to pop out when you feel that you don't really want to deal with this people stuff anymore. I think a lot of the fear stems from the fear of other people hating you, even if they're strangers that you don't know personally. In that respect, Kintsugi is a perfect choice for a conflict-managing training arena! This place is beautiful and wonderful <3 Best of luck on your endeavors, friend!! I'll be rooting for you!
