I can't tell if this has gotten worse, but I'm at least way more aware of it now than I have been. a big part of my anxiety revolves around being misunderstood/disagreed with. I know those are two different things, but basically, if someone criticizes me or disagrees with me, I feel this urge to explain my position or situation in detail because it really, really bothers me that someone might be drawing a conclusion about me based on false information. I also have a lot of difficulty with the idea of someone disliking me; I feel like I have to do something to change that, like I did something wrong. I've been told that I need to stop making "excuses" whenever I make a mistake but i don't necessarily want to not take responsibility, I just want the other person to understand why I did something, not think I was just being careless or callous. I've been afraid of making mistakes for...at least a very long time, if not my whole life. I meticulously plan things and gather information before taking action because of this. I'm extremely indecisive and it kills my motivation. I have a hard time working up the nerve to start things because I'm afraid of screwing up. I've become marginally better at this thanks to therapy, but I'm between therapists at the moment for various reasons. I think my biggest issue right now is the fact that, if someone disagrees with me about something minor (like, idk, something I like or an issue i'm passionate about) I either get really defensive and angry, or I concede their point almost immediately because I really don't want to argue, or for them to dislike me. I'm constantly prefacing things I say with "I'm sorry, but" or something like that. If I get upset with someone, even if I complain about them to someone else I start to rationalize their behavior out loud like I'm trying to find an explanation for their actions. I hope this made some sort of sense, I know it's sort of jumbled. I'm looking into getting another therapist but it's going to take some time (inertia, crippling anxiety about phone calls) and I'm wondering if there's some sort of...strategy that I could use to manage this in the meantime. I guess. Rationally i know people disagree all the time and that's perfectly fine but the idea of it just...sets something off that I feel like I can't control.